my partners 20yr old son lives with us and causes problems which result in my partner and i falling out.his son never takes any notice of what is asked of him,goes out drinking weekends and doesnt bother letting us know he wont be coming home and stays out all night,does nothing to help out even though his dad recovering from hip replacement,his bedroom is a tip,in a weeks time he is in crown court on a 6day trial for gbh has broken his cewfew every day,in the 6yrs he has lived in my house he has destroyed 5doors through temper.his dad keeps giving him chance after chance but it does cause friction between us because his son just walks all over us,what do i do?
2007-12-28 16:32:07 · 11 answers · asked by bev k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i wouldnt live with a violent person, stepson or whatever, he needs to get his act together or to move out
2007-12-28 16:37:43 · answer #1 · answered by Splishy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lets go back 6 years. Your Stepson was 14 and probably his father and mother had recently split up. That problem still needs addressing by the sound of it. 20 year old boys dont just walk into counselling or anger management courses of their own free will. But perhaps his solicitor can arrange for both at the outcome of his trial. I've been there myself and if I can be of anymore help get in touch. Good luck
2007-12-28 21:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by Mat E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose your husband has to grow some balls and have a talk with his son... he must feel sorry for the kid for whatever reason.
You could always let the boy know that you feel he is disrupting the household. You could give him the condition that if he doesn't get help, and does not want to respect his father, and the home, he has X amount of time to move out.
Maybe this will give him food for thought. it sounds like he has emotional problems or alcohol addiction to me?
I'd like to add that he walks all over you because you probably have set no personal boundaries or limits.. not seriously anyway. You can do a Yahoo search on SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES for more information... it's all about self-preservation. take care.
2007-12-28 16:38:58 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get him out...the father is not helping his son...by supporting his actions..I'm not saying he doesn't love his son...but right now...by not forcing his son to work etc is only going to hurt him...hope this kid isn't drinking and driving..and if he is...and you know when he'll be leaving from a certain place...drop a phone call to the police anonymously...then of course he may get probation etc...but will have to do something like WORK to pay fines...but in the meantime hope and pray he doesn't kill someone or himself...is his dad scared of him...to where his kid can damage your home...file an eviction notice on his butt...you have to look at your state law about this..cuz most states if they live in the home more than 30 days (even family)it's their legal residence and must be put through the court...stand your ground with the dad...and give him some options to think about...before you get to tired yourself and head for a divorce
2007-12-28 16:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by ~Jenny~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The easy answer is yes, he needs to move out, but since he is family, it is a bit more complex. Talk to your partner; it is his son that is causing the problem. Get his input. Come up with a compromise. The son can live in the house, only if conditions are met (i.e. he pays rent, does not destroy property, etc., etc.). If conditions are not met, then your partner needs to kick him out.
2007-12-28 16:41:06 · answer #5 · answered by renea_phd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband make sure he know exactly how you feel and why you feel it would be good for both you two and his son to spend time apart and if he agrees then ask him to move out and if he doesn't agree then tell him its you or his son. It may be the only way to get your husband to see whats right in front of him.
2007-12-29 04:31:17 · answer #6 · answered by Robbie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't do this on your own. he's your husband's son, so it has to be his decision. you & your husband have to talk very seriously about this. you have to tell him you can't live like this any more, so if his son doesn't go you may have to. don't make it like a threat or ultimatum, just a natural progression of his son's bad behaviour. this is your marriage & it's at risk because of a very selfish young man. try to get your husband to see this, then both of you tell the selfish prat to go. if he refuses to leave, call the police. he has to see his behaviour is totally unacceptable. good luck, diane.
2007-12-29 01:33:53 · answer #7 · answered by diquarry 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to go to therapy or move it you should ALL take family counseling since this is a FAMILY issue if he sees that your supposrting him and that your all trying to help him hew might become better. But he isnt a child anymore so tell him that if he wants to go around screwing up his life he should at least also help around the house. Remind him your not trying to change "who he is" but that you and your husband also need help and he defintely isnt helping.
2007-12-28 16:43:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in light of his behaviour he should b made to move out but this is ur husbands job as he is his father.u should give him an ultimatum of either he changes his ways or he finds a place of his own.
2007-12-28 17:33:54 · answer #9 · answered by sadia a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your partner to make his son behave and move out. Becuase, soon he will be a criminal and drug dealer.
2007-12-29 02:41:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋