i feel bad for her. its really sad. we've all been crying all day. my sister is not looking so good. they were supposed to get married tomorrow and i was a bridesmaid. =( i really liked him too. he was well brought up and had plans in his life. he graduated from college last year and they have a 1 year old son together. my sister is so depressed. i mean, she's only 22 and she's supposed to be graduating this may. but i dont think she wants to go back. she's locked up in her room right now and i dont know how to get her out. i need advice. what can i do to make her talk to me and perhaps continue going to school?? i am 16 and i have a boyfriend too and i know that i would feel the same way she does if he died.
oh yeah and she is pregnant again...she said about 8 weeks. *cries* REALLY??? We need help!
2007-12-28 15:18:32 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he died in a car accident. he was hit by a drunk driver on a highway
2007-12-28 15:29:29 · update #1
there is nothing you can do to make her feel better. She and your family needs to grieve, That takes time. there are no instant solutions to this. It is a sad thing and someday, when the raw sharp pain starts to ease a bit, she will begin to live again. Be there for her. let her know that what ever she needs, you will be there for her and that you love her. She will need to, at some point, talk about her man, even feel angry that he left her alone. These are all steps to grieving. If you feel youneed to do something constructive, go to the library and get a book on grieving, or talk to a family pastor, school counselor, who ever. they will have mor info on how you can be there for her and also how you can deal with this. This is a sadness that effects all of your family, not just her. Obviously her primarily but all of you have suffered a loss.
2007-12-28 15:28:01 · answer #1 · answered by ckngbbbls 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you did was very normal, and I would of done the same thing. That must of been devastating to you and I feel for you. I will admit that your dads approach was a bit off in handling the situation but you need to remember a few things. Your dad is facing an Extreme amount of pressure and he is an adult. Unfortunately adults sometimes handle situations a bit wrong. He is probably feeling like he can't do it on his own and wants to get someone to help him. Your dad loved your mom in a very different way then you do and when you loose that kind of love it can be hard to deal with, sometimes people make foolish decisions. Don't ever think that it's not ok to feel what you are. You should not have to go through this right now but unfortunately you have no choice. Just no that your mom will always be your mom and nobody will ever replace her. As long as you know that in your heart then nobody will ever have the chance to do so. Remember that although your father is having a hard time dealing with this, this is the only way he knows how. Unfortunately we don't get to pick our parents but in the long run they are our parents for a reason. keep smiling things will get better :)
2016-04-01 23:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really sorry to hear that. It is always hard saying goodbye to someone the family loves especially the father of your newphew. Your sister will heal in time especially since they were getting married tomorrow. The best thing to do is celebrate the joy of life and make sure your family PREIST or MINISTER comes over to the house and speaks to her. I know she will cry and probably doesn't want to speak to anyone but the best way to get her to heal is to talk about it. She should be left alone with the PRIEST or MINISTER and his wife for an hour or so and let her talk to them. Tell your parents not to interfere and let her cry and talk to the spiritual leader from the church. Church's have departments that have trained people who can help her. Especially since she is pregnant right now it is not healthy for her to be so stressed she could lose the baby because of the stress level. In time the lord will help her and she will be okay. He loved her and wouldn't want her to be so sad especially since now she must think of her children and take care of them. GOOD LUCK !!! GOD BLESS YOUR FAMILY !!!!
2007-12-28 15:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by Joe A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First this is many problems, not just one and it is too big, too much for her to carry alone. You did right by asking for help, and trying to help your sister.
I would start with the practical problems, caring for the one year old, and seeing that your sister has prenatal medical care. Then the two of you, and your parents if they are caring parents, should sit down and think about what are the best things about the one who has died and try (1) to always remember him for his best character, (2) try to find a way to carry on with what he wanted, with his main contributions to the community and family, (3) plan to work together to raise the children in just the way that he would have wanted.
If you do it all for him, for the one who died, it will make you all feel much better.
2007-12-28 15:25:39 · answer #4 · answered by Bond girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow her time to deal as only she can. Don't try to get her out of her room just yet. Her emotions are running wild as love, regret, future and past run rampant through her mind.
Hormone fluctuations due to pregnancy also play a major role in her emotional responses.
Your new job as her little sister is to be as strong as you can possibly be for her. Right now, the girl you look up to needs all the strength she can get.
Let her know that you're there for her when she's ready for you to support her.
It will be a long, slow process to get your big sister out of her funk and right now, she probably can't imagine that it will ever pass.
It will.
As her little sister, it's up to you to take the advice of an internet stranger when I tell you (from personal experience) that the loss will never be forgotten but family and friends make it easier to eventually get our feet back underneath us and take tiny steps toward the future.
Let her cry. Cry with her.
Be stronger than she is able to be at this time in her life. She needs that more than anything else in the world.
Be ready to stand aside once their child-to-be becomes more important.
Go with her to her ultrasound appointments and keep loving her as you already do.
Kol
2007-12-28 15:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by koliedrus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am truly sorry for the pain your sister and you are enduring right now. This is a very sad situation. I see no mention of your family involved here. Seems sis needs some family members and probably some professional/spiritual counseling at this horrible time. Don't take it all on yourself--enlist some help. Good luck to you all.
2007-12-28 15:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by donna r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry your sister suffered this huge loss when she was on the brink of getting married. This is also a loss for your family and her fiance's family.
You and your family, as well as her fiance's family are her source of love, comfort, and support, not only to get her through the memorial arrangements, but in the days and weeks to come.
If she's locked up in her room, you can always slip a note under her door telling her you love her and you will listen to her and offer whatever help she needs.
2007-12-28 15:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by idahdespida 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a tragic situation. I'm so very sorry for your sister and her little son ... and for the baby-to-be. She is lucky to have you for a sister. I hope you are able to get through to her.
Allow her some grieving time, and then encourage her to return to school. If the pregnancy prevents her from doing so, see if she will complete her education after the new baby is born.
There is so little one can do or say under these dreadful circumstances. Just continue to be there for her. Bless you for caring.
2007-12-28 15:26:02 · answer #8 · answered by Jami 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Omg!! Im so sorry you have to go through something this horrible!!! Wow! Tomorrow!? How did he die!!?
I wouldnt know where to begin dealing with something like this! Im so sorry. I will pray for you...and thats really the only advice I can give! Just pray! And be there for her if she ever needs to talk about it! Just help take care of the kid as much as you can! Just be very cautious....let her know she cant give up! Everyone has to be strong at a time like this!
Good luck!
2007-12-28 15:27:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother her at the moment. She is going through a rough time and I think it is best to give her some space. You sister will fall into depression because of this. If you find her in the future casting away from the family and ignoring friends. Confront her to seek some professional help.
Sorry to hear that by the way.
2007-12-28 15:23:52 · answer #10 · answered by "Foolishness" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋