In the last 20 years i have lost my mother (20y),sister(15),wife(8),father(3)nephew(2) peices of me are gone?

Question

I feel that huge chunks that made me who i am have gone and have left me a shadow of the person i used to be. can i find myself again or am i gone?

Answer 1

The people of your life that made you who you are are not gone.
They live on in you.
As long as you honor their memory, and as long as you accept into yourself what they gave you, they will not die so long as you live.
Rejoice!
See into yourself and see your family within you, part of you, and be thankful for everything they were and everything they gave to you and to everyone around them.
Perhaps you have your father's nose, your mother's wit, your sister's loving smile, your wife's tenderness she taught you. Recognize them in you and hug them once again, for as long as you know they are there, they will never truly be gone - they live in who you are. Remember them.

Answer 2

First, I'm very sorry for your losses. Are you saying you lost your mother 20 yrs ago? Sister 15 yrs ago, wife 8 yrs ago? and father?

I know how you feel .. I lost my mother at age 15 ... and within 2 years, lost all 4 grandparents, and an uncle. I lost my father 2 yrs ago and at age 38 ALL of my relatives were gone (except my brother) ... me and my brother are the only 2 still living.

Anyway, I know first hand that this is very difficult. Do your best to pick up the pieces and remember all the good times you had with them. I try to live my life making sure that I would make them happy. I know it is difficult, but I also know that they would want me to move on with my life. I know that I will see them again someday. It might sound insensitive, but one thing that really helped me was to take down all the pictures of them. I still have them, but they are packed away in a safe place ... preserved. And I can go look at them anytime I want. But it got rid of the constant reminders.

Try meeting some new people and join some clubs or something to help get you exposed to some new people

CHERISH the time that you spent with them .. but for your own sanity, you should start to do some things to keep you occupied. I also recommend Church and some functions there, but that's up to you. Not trying to push it on you.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Well, in the last 11 years, I have lost 2 husbands to cancer, 2 best friends to cancer, my mother, my mother in law and then found out I had cancer myself 2 yrs. ago. Life goes on whether we want it to or not. Join a club if you like people. If not, get a hobby of some kind or do some volunteer work. You are the same person you used to be, you've just had a setback. If you've ever believed in God, now is a good time to talk to him. Write thoughts down and get it out of your system. It's ok to be sad you know. Try and think of how worse off other people are right now. Look at how little kids cope with their illnesses. They are an inspiration to us all. Look ahead. Enjoy what you have now, not what you used to have. We'll all be together again some day, I truly believe that. Good luck sweetie, I'll say one for you.

Answer 4

No, you are not gone, I think you are just lost, my friend. I would really suggest you get some counselling. Losing all of those people is a really hard thing to deal with, you need someone who can set you back on the right path. If you are a religious person or want to become one...seek the Lord or go to church. Believe it or not, there are people there worth talking to and will help you out in more ways than one.

Answer 5

My daughter went through a period feeling the same. In a five year period she lost her stepmother, an aunt, her best friend, her children's godmother, her father and her mother-in-law.
She nursed her stepmother for over two years of bad health, the aunt died suddenly, her best friend developed cancer and passed rather quickly, her father developed cancer and when he could no longer live alone she moved him into her home the last time he went to the hospital he passed (he held on until the day afterChristmas he didn't wan't her or the grandchildren to associate his death with Christmas day).
The children's godmother died so suddenly she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. The coffee wasn't spilt and she never fell from her chair. The last one in that five year period was her mother-in-law with whom she was very close.
She beat cancer was a five year survivor and then developed a totally different type and was gone in a few months. She also moved her into the home to care for her and she passed there. She too felt like part of her died with each one of them until a lady she barely knew told her, the pieces were not missing she had just closed off that part of her heart because it hurt to bad. That when she started to allow the love that each one of them felt for her and she for them to resurface the pain would leave but she would be whole again. I swear the lady was an angel sent to help her, when I couldn't. I lived 3000 miles away and because of finances could not get to her to help, and you can only convey so much by phone.
I hope this will reach you and touch your heart so you too can feel the love of your lost ones and become whole again.

Answer 6

Well i have to say, in the last 19 years (as i am only 19) i have lost mom and dad on Christmas night when i was three, grandpa when i was around 13 (i was there when it happened, had to call family because grandma was freaking out) lost my cousin, lost my great grandpa, personally i have never gotten over that, but if you are really wanting to find yourself again, go to counseling pray, possibly get on some depression medicine, find some close friends, and try not to think about it,

Answer 7

Its time to re-define who you are. Life is all about change. Of course you aren't the same person you were 20 years ago. You're not supposed to be. Life itself has an impact on all of us. I wouldn't want to go through life unaffected by my experiences. I think I would be missing out that way. So figure out who you are now. I'm sure there is more to you than son, brother, husband. Are you a father, grandfather? How do you spend your time? What are you good at? Identify the things you are proud of and strengthen them. Now just might be the time to do the things you've always wanted to do but never had the time.

Answer 8

You are the second person I have answer suffering from depression tonight. I give you the same sage advice, and this is coming from someone who has been this low. Get yourself into therapy, and see a psychiatrist and get on medication. I have been there and I got help and I found myself again. It's hell to feel so low, I know. I thank God every day that I did. If you don't know where to turn contact NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) at http://www.nami.org

Answer 9

Sweetie....So sorry for so many losses in your life. Who you are is still there. Your just still sad. Your not gone. things are just different. I have a void in my life too..In a 14th month span I lost my husband, best friend ( across the street) my only uncle, and my mom. You can come out of that shadow. Get invloved in some type of charity that uplifts you. I did and it helps...

Answer 10

Oh God! You are in a lot of pain and no wonder! Just take one day at a time and try and find some meaning to all of this suffering. Might help if you found someone else to share your life with and I would highly recommend a singles group at a church. Also ask God to help you here - He hears and answers prayer!