Our friend has 2 children: boy and girl. He spends tons of time and energy on the boy, while often leaving the girl out. She is very shy and withdrawn, also behaves far younger (in our opinion) than do most girls her age. We have caught her 5 times now pinching or kicking both her animals and ours. We tell her father, he seems frustrated, but does nothing. He generally does nothing to correct either of his children when they do something wrong. He will yell when at his boiling point, but otherwise, will let them go wild until very angry.
We are around them frequently and we have a hard time not saying anything. The children are our godchildren and we have always been told to 'help him out' with their discipline....but we couldn't discipline them as much as we'd like for fear of ticking him off.
The girl is my main concern, as her behavior, verbal and listening communications are terrible. She is a good child, but I fear for her future. Any NICE suggestions as to how to tell her dad
2007-12-28 13:06:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He adores both of his children, but relates more to his boy. This is not an issue of abuse or not loving the girl child. She is just often left out and often spends much of her time both at home and at daycare alone and withdrawn.
2007-12-28 13:08:04 · update #1
Jen: she is the youngest..5..and mom and dad are divorced. They realize she is 'different' and have tried counseling for her (3 sessions), but didn't stick with it. Personally, I think putting a child in counseling alone (w/out family counseling) only furthers the child's belief that they are different or weird...especially since this is a family issue, or should be.
2007-12-28 13:21:52 · update #2
I kind of had a similar situation w/ my friend. She has a son that talks to her any way he wants to, and she doesn't ever discipline him for it, or say anything to him about it. So I started saying something to him. But, I also explained to her that I wouldn't EVER say anything to her kids that would upset me if she said it to my child. And also that I wasn't trying to step on her toes as a parent, but sometimes a child will stop the irrational behavior if a visitor notices it and says something. It kind of embarasses them and makes them realize that they were being out of line.
Maybe you could ask the father if it would be alright to take his daughter maybe once or twice a week to have an outing, or dinner and a movie, or just to come hang out at your house and play for a while. Take time to make her feel special, and maybe the father will pick up on this and start including her more.
Or just be blunt w/ him. Flat out tell him that you don't want to upset him, but you're concerned for his daughter and the behavior that she is showing towards animals, and the way he does more w/ his son and excludes the daughter. Maybe he doesn't even realize that's what he's doing, and that 's her way of acting out and getting attention that she wants. She doesn't care what kind of attention she's getting, just as long as she's getting it, and you're right, it is a reason to be concerned for her future, because she could use different types of behavior to get the attention she wants (ie: continuing to hurt small animals, growing up to hurt people, or even acting out sexually as she gets older)
Be sure to tell him that if there were any issues he were concerned about with the way YOU parent your children, you'd be happy to hear his concerns and glad that he brought it to your attention.
2007-12-28 13:39:32 · answer #1 · answered by Shell_Lynn99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay first of all an explanation of "God Parent" A God parent is for religious purposes ONLY. A god parent is the person who stands up and vows to watch over the child's religious upbringing and to make sure that continues IF anything happens to the parents. A God parent is NOT a parental replacement, or a surrogate parent. It is NOT the God parent's place to discipline anyone's child but their OWN. All I've seen discussed here is the father, where is the chldren's mother? I don't care who's child it is if they pinch, hit, or kick my pets I WILL tell her to stop and tell the father that either his children behave in MY home or they will no longer be welcome in MY home. It is quite obvious that the father is at a loss when it comes to parenting his daughter, he doesn't know how to parent a daughter. He needs a close female (a sister perhaps) to step in and take over. However since I don't know about the mother there isn't much I can say about the situation.
2007-12-28 19:11:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a case for proffesional help the social services deal with this kind of thing in england,i dont know what the equivelant is in th states, tell the father she needs help he is unable to help her thats the problem, the well being of the child is the important thing here!
2007-12-28 16:48:21 · answer #3 · answered by anthony p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids who abuse animals, were usually abused themselves.
Her father is neglecting her if he's not getting her help.. or is he the one who abused her in some way?
That little girl probably needs far more than discipline... therapy might help.
2007-12-28 14:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe find a good book on parenting or a single parent support group this is assuming he has no spouse to support him in bringing up these chidren, is the girl younger or older, this may make adifference, and was she closer to her mother?
2007-12-28 13:17:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
something is definitely wrong with the dad, he's being picky, probably for some emotional background. get him to seek for professional help
2007-12-28 13:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by natalia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋