lets just say your 13 and your mom is an alcoholic.your parents relationship is strained and your indepression

Question

i try and tell my mom how i feel when shes drunk and sober.. but she never seems to think i can have my own opinion its always my dad "brainwashing me" and no matter how much i cry or tell her or let her see how it is affecting me nothing gets her to even think about quiting not even that im not asking her to stop drinking im asking her to stop getting drunk every night of her life.. ive told her and so has my sister that she is ruining every chance she has to have a relationship with us.. she says she doesnt have a problem and that she just does it for the buzz.her mom was the same way and stopped when she was about 50.but im in depression at 13 because of it. im afraid for her life and she doesnt care she has told me that she is scared of life and its not what she wants it to be i told her that nothing ever is but it cant get any better unless you face it and try to help yourself My life is a living hell because of it iv had so many people tell me so but i dont know how to help it!!!

Answer 1

Make arrangements with your grandmother or aunts, etc. someplace you and your sister can stay for a few months, maybe a year...

Make your mom or dad sign temporary custody papers over to the relative you'll be staying with. "I hereby grant temporary guardianship of my two daughters to my brother and his wife. Signed, notarized."

Then tell your mom this is her fault, and quit drinking or you won't be back. Pack up and leave.

Tell the relative you'll be staying with that you think you have depression, and ask her to take you to a dr.

TX Mom

Answer 2

I was right there with you kid. My wife was drinking every night too, & I was hugely depressed over it.

Everything you said here in your question is bang on what I was feeling. When our loved ones choose to drink, or take drugs or whatever, it affects EVERYBODY around them, & we are helpless to stop it.

The only person who can stop your moms drinking is your mom. Unless & until she decides that she's had enough then there is little you can do except stand by and watch her self-destruct. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it's the truth.

So now it's time to change the way you do things. Right now, your focus is on your mom. Her drinking problem saps the life out of everyone in the family, you, your dad, and any brothers and sisters you have. Telling her how her drinking affects you will not work because she's an alcoholic, and addicts are not as capable of appreciating the true meaning of those things you say as would a sober person, and just because she can sometimes stay sober for a day or two doesn't mean she's sober enough to listen either, it just doesn't work.

So now you need to change your focus from her, to YOU.
I find it similar to being on a sinking boat that contains you and your mom. If the boat sank, and your mom refused to swim to keep from drowning, does that mean that you must refuse to swim as well?
It would be silly and pointless for BOTH of you to drown if it didn't have to be that way.
Your mom is drunk and depressed, and you are depressed as well. That means the boat has sank, and you are BOTH IN THE WATER.
You tell her to get help, but she refuses that help. It's the same as if you threw her a life preserver, & she cast it aside instead of putting it on.
I love my wife very much, but I wasn't prepared to drown in HER depression either. It got to the point where I realized that I could drown with her, or start to tread water, so I started treading.
Eventually she recognized that she really was about to lose me, because I started looking after myself instead of her.
So she agreed to get into a treatment programme, & today she is SOBER, & has been for about 3 years now and we are still together as a couple.

Now I am not saying that this is a guaranteed method to get your mom to go into treatment for alcohol addiction. What I am saying is that you, and your family needs to start to look after yourselves, and be less focused on your mom.
You do that for YOU.
What happens a lot of times with addicts is that when they realize that they are about to get left behind, they rally and do what is necssary to get back on track with the others.
Not guaranteed, but I can guarantee you one thing. If nothing changes about the way you and your father are doing things then your mom isn't going to see how necessary it is for her to change either.

Go to the library and find a book called "Co-Dependant No More" by Melodie Beatty. If you can't find it there, then get your dad to buy you a copy, & have him read it too.

Also contact Alateen. They will help you learn how to cope with what is going on in your home.

Also, here is a link to the website of the treatment facility that helped me and my wife. They continue to help us today 3 years after she went through their programme.
I hope you live close enough to these guys so you can take advantage of their services because they are excellent. But don't be discouraged if you don't, because you have a problem that is common to every community and you will probably have no difficulty in finding a place near enough that will help you.

But start working on YOU FIRST.
Your mom will catch up with you later.

Answer 3

talk to a counselor
and maybe even social service
b/c obviously they aren't fit to be parents to you

Answer 4

talk to a teacher at school
they can help you