My husband and I were practicing nudists. We've been married a few years now and were both happy. I've got a daughter (her father is dead) who just turned 14 and lives with us. Well, one day I came home and he was rubbing baby oil on her by the pool. That in itself isn't what bothered me, as we oil each other anyway. The thing that was disturbing was that he had an erection. I asked him about it later and he said that it was purely accidental and he didn't realize it was happening. I let is go at that for the time being. Two days ago, I come home early again and he's on the computer. When he left the computer, I sat down and checked the history and he'd been to incest sites.
I've kicked him out of the house but I'm worried and concerned. My daughter says nothing sexual has happened. She's still a virgin (I hope) so my hopes are high that she'll be alright. Should I seek counseling for her (us)? I've left my husband for good, I think.
2007-12-28 12:51:17 · 14 answers · asked by StarrShyn 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Baby Mikey - We were practicing nudism as a family. If what you're saying is true, then Nudist Resorts and beaches everywhere must be contributing to the corruption of a minor. There are many families who practice nudism. Believe me when I say that there is a large amount of guilt in my heart of my daughter was harmed.
As far as I know, my husband didn't view the incest websites *with* my daughter. When I came home she was outside and he was inside on the computer.
2007-12-28 15:11:36 · update #1
K - My daughter said she did notice the erections. However, (she said) it wasn't a big deal. I have a hard time discussing this topic with her because it is an embarrassing topic for her to discuss with me.
2007-12-28 15:21:27 · update #2
Ruth G - My daughter's behavior had changed somewhat recently. However, it was as if she wanted to spend more time with my husband not less. Actually, part of me doesn't understand if he was hurting her why she would want to be around him more.
2007-12-28 15:24:31 · update #3
Sherry - My daughter has always been truthful to me. I'm hoping that this is one of those times where I can trust her to be completely honest with me.
2007-12-28 15:26:03 · update #4
I don't think you over reacted at all. I think you need to have a very long talk with your daughter about why all this is happening because I'm sure she must feel at least some guilt about this, especially if it destroyed your relationship. I'd hope you'd take the time to consider her feelings about everything. The other thing that concerns me is that you seem a bit unsure of whether you did the right thing. I'd say you did but still have a few more things you need to do to make sure your daughter's well-being is taken care of. Don't think that you can just sweep crap under the rug and it'll be okay, that's not how to handle a situation like this. From your additional comments on your question it seems to me that perhaps your daughter knew that your husband was in a state of arousal. Maybe she had formed some sort of crush on him? At her age her hormones have to be raging.
2007-12-29 11:04:23 · answer #1 · answered by Snowball 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say you were practicing nudists...does that mean until your daughter lived with you or do you mean until recently when you kicked him out? I hate to be like this, but if you were nudists and she saw him naked or he saw her naked then in a way you would be guilty of endangerment/corruption of a minor as well as him. (I assume you mean you were practicing nudists until she lived there, so I don't mean to sound rude towards you in any way. I apologize in advance.)
Now, if I came home and saw that about my husband, I would kick him out and be furious as well. So, no I don't think you are overreacting at all.
**I don't have a problem with a nudist lifestyle. However, I do think it's inappropriate for a grown man to see let alone be around a naked 14 year old girl and vice versa. I'm not at all saying what he did was right, but at the same time, she's not technically his daughter and what do you expect when he sees her naked all the time and is even rubbing oil on her naked body. If she is a fairly well-developed 14 year old then I really do think it is only natural for his body to react the way it did. You should be thankful he played out the fantasy with porn instead of with your daughter. I don't know how the law would hold up about nudist colonies, but in my mind that is corruption of a minor. I would never let my 14 year old daughter run around naked in front of ANY man for that exact reason. Sometimes men actually do get erections without meaning to. Occasionally it happens and they don't have control over it.
2007-12-28 13:00:09 · answer #2 · answered by Mikey's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, you might want to get some help. I hope your daughter is telling you the truth!! I think the baby oil with an errection part would have bothered me just as much as the incest website. I hope you get some help for both of you!
2007-12-28 12:56:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has your daughter been acting strange or different since? Either way, counseling can help make her understand and maybe help her become more aware of what to do in these types of situations. I really hope you do leave that man FOR GOOD!! You don't ever want to put your children in such vulnerable situations. Good Luck
2007-12-28 12:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The erection isn't a big deal. They have a mind of their own, and they can get erect/soft without any stimulation just spontaneously.
I'd recommend counseling for him to find out if/how much of a problem he has. There is also the potential of him mistyping a web site and it opening a bunch of popups of porn sites. Does he admit going to them?
2007-12-29 10:59:07 · answer #5 · answered by scott 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should seek counseling for the both of you, because even if nothing happened and it didn't affect your daughter, the fact that you are not equipped and able to handle the situation, can cause problems itself.
2007-12-28 13:02:05 · answer #6 · answered by loquitaamericana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not over reacting I would of done the same thing also sit your daughter down and talk to her see if she tells you something different also I would try therapy just dont take him back because if nothing did happen for sure something would happen if he came back
2007-12-28 13:45:41 · answer #7 · answered by Rae Anne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope "for good" means really for good. I would talk with her and ask if anything happened to her in her mind as well as her body. Like, did she notice the erection. Was she invited to watch the porno site with Daddy?
2007-12-28 13:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing and yes I would seek some kind of counseling for the both of you !
2007-12-28 12:58:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like a very good idea. The male you kicked out (notice I don't say MAN) sounds like a real sicko!
2007-12-28 12:59:16 · answer #10 · answered by Tigger 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋