I'm 19 and dont understand why my parents hate me?

Question

I was always a good kid. Im very well grounded in my Christian faith but my parents just hate me. When I was 17 I gained 20 pounds due to a thyroid condition and quit cheerleading and softball because I was embarassed. Well my mom got really angry and obsessive with me then. Now, she always begs me to let her look at my facebook and text messages from my boyfriend and she'll cry if I wont let her. I also have a 3.5 gpa in college but when she found out my cousin had a 4.0 she told me I was a stupid a&& and should just quit. Tonight she came into my room and told me she hated me and wanted me to move out. she said that I was fat and gross (even though im only 145...its not thin but its not fat) and that my biyfriend prob. was cheating on me. I dont understand why she hates me so much. its so weird.

Answer 1

Honey, move out. The abuse is not worth it. And that is what she is doing. I can't imagine a mother being so cruel to her daughter. Especially with grades like yours. And no you are not fat. Maybe she is trying to use reverse psycology on you. And maybe she don't want you to do anything stupid with the boyfriend. And at the same time she should trust you. She has raised you this far and seem to be doing good. I would just move with another family member until things blow over.

Answer 2

You are WAY too young to get married. A good age for marriage is after the age of 28. You think you know it all, but you know NOTHING. Your parents are right. What's the hurry anyway? Stay with this guy, and see how things turn out. Chances are you'll break up, and you'll meet many more guys, until you finally settle down, and you should. Our experiences are what make us grow. As for the religious thing...you were way to hasty. You have converted into a death cult. You should read the ENTIRE Quran and Hadith before converting. Once you do, I guarantee you will be disgusted.

Answer 3

I will try to put this delicately but...does your mother have some issues or mental problems going on? First let me say this, you don't deserve this kind of treatment as no child does!!! It sounds like to me you don't have much of a weight issue at all and as long as you are doing your best in school, that is all a parent should ever ask for! A child should NEVER be told they are stupid and you sound as if you are a very smart and caring person. And honestly, I don't think deep in your mothers heart that she hates you but I do think something is going on with her that deserves attention with a professional. I also think you should talk to a counselor about the treatment you are getting so you can get things in perspective and have support in this critial time you are having. If you can financially afford to move out of her home, that may be something you want to give serious consideration to doing for it very well may be in your best interest. However, even though this is easier said than done, don't let her poor behavior beat you down. You hold your head high, be proud of who you are! Listen very closely to me again, you are NOT a stupid ***, I am sure you are beautiful and you can achieve anything you want to in life. It truly makes me upset to hear of a parent treating a child so poorly. I think you are the mature one here in this situation. You look ahead in your life with full confidence and do NOT allow this to set the standard for how you view yourself! Best of luck and move ahead. But please, find someone who can guide you in person through this, there is no way you can get all the support you need here on the net.

Answer 4

Sounds like your mother has developed psychological issues and is probably also reliving her youth through you. Now that you are not her immage of "the best" it doesn't fit in with her fantasy. She should not be reading any of your text messages as this only feeds the fantasy. It may be that she is having a mid-life crisis and some women get a little wiggy as menopause approaches.
You can speak to your father or your mothers sisters to see if they have noticed any significant changes in her behavior.
Other than that, It may just be time to put some distance between you and your mother. She may be feeling trapped in a relationship with your father and staying because you are still at home. At any rate, you are now old enough to be out on your own and that sounds like that should be part of your plans for 2008.

Answer 5

whoa talk about harsh. You should move out and get revenge. The best way you can get revenge is to prove her wrong. You are a smart person. I would kill to get a 3.5. Ask her what her GPA was. If you dont want to loose your mom go on the Maury show or to counseling. 145 pounds isnt fat. Dont believe her that your bf is cheating on you. Its not true. Good luck. Ill pray for you.

Answer 6

She doesnt hate you. What did your mom look like at your age? She could be envious. Its her baggage, not yours. You deserve respect and privacy. She might see you are grown up and ready to leave her, parents have seperation issues too. Stay in school, dont share your private emails etc and dont lose any weight. Just keep being you. What she is doing is abusive and it is hurtful. If you can live elsewhere, then you should. Be kind but firm. You're smart enough to ask for outside help, thats a huge step in the right direction.

Answer 7

wow.. first take deep breath and know that your mother is not being a good mother right now. she is not perfect, she is human, which is why, you shouldn't hate her.. but realize this.. just because she is your mother doesn't mean that what she says about you is right. she is wrong to tell you those things, even if she really feels that way.
you are entitled to your privacy, you don't have to let anyone see your facebook. seems like she wants you to confide in her and when you don't, she lashes out. choose what you want her to know about you. make sure that she can't use it against you when she is angry. as for her opinion of you... it doesn't really matter... what matters is what you think of yourself and what you expect from yourself. you are only 19, think about who you are now, what you want to become and then go for it.. don't let anything stand in your way.. sweet heart, in the end, when you take your last breath.. it is you, who will make the final opinion on how well you lived your life. it is you, who will say, "i loved every minute of my life and i loved you i was and what i stood for". no one else will matter. i can tell my daughter that she is green and stupid, (which i will never do) but because i say it, does it mean that its true? should she believe me? no. she must learn to be strong and know who she is.. just as you should. take care and know now.. that life will always throw blows at you and you may fall.. but you must get up and move forward. your faith, your determination and your will power will help you through life.

Answer 8

I'm sorry you are facing such emotional abuse from your parents. I'd suggest you sit down with both of them (together) at a predetermined time and with no interruptions or distractions (example: not in front of the tv)

Just lay it on the line and open up to them. Look directly in their eyes when you speak. Don't be accusatory and try not to get emotional (although that will be difficult).

It's important to tell them that the way they speak to you hurts. Tell them that you are proud of yourself and let them know that you have self-esteem (you do, right?).

Let them know that you are no longer going to let them talk to you this way. You are their daughter and their role as parent is to provide you with love and support.

I'm a parent myself (15 y/o son and 13 y/o daughter) I realize that my care, guidance, direction and support is not always received that way. They sometimes feel that I'm just being the "bad guy" but I ALWAYS let them know how much I love them and how proud of them I am everyday.

I wish you good luck with this conversation. Feel free to email me back if you need more help or if you want to update me on your progress.

Answer 9

I dunno. I'm actually in a similar position. I'm 18. My mom seems to be pissed about everything I do. (but at this point basically everything I do pisses her off) I have like no privacy. but if i stay with my mom then I'm really unhappy, and I go insane. Well, I've been planning to move out for sometime but for some reason I haven't moved yet. Let me know how it goes:

Answer 10

that is weird. Have you talked to her about it.
do you have an aunt or someone that you could confide in and ask them to intercede for you.
you sound like you have a level head on your shoulders.
I hope it gets better for you soon.
good luck