A question to Mothers who raised/are raising boys on your own?

Question

Did/have you find/found a man who,as far as is possible,can act as a "surrogate Father"/good role model for your boys?
My Father was wonderful with my boys but whilst he was ever so strict with my brothers (and me to an extent) growing up he was like a ***** cat with them.That was fine because I knew my own boys and could discipline them if necessary in my own way (my Mother was a great help though I must say).
I also had them in the cubs and scouts which helped but overall it was my brothers who helped out.My elder brother married but my younger never did and he was absolutely marvellous to my boys and knew exactly what to say to them when they were upset or driving me mad (sometimes taking them out and I never knew what he had said but they came back better for it).
I had them on my own the majority of the time but without what he did I could never have coped and in that way he *was* like a real Father to them.
I only wish that he could have had children of his own because he

...would have been a wonderful Father - but then again as I say - he *was* to my boys.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=8J9Tmcjfq_o&NR=1

Yahoo have blanked out my words! - all right a tabby cat then - how pathetic!

I mean how pathetic - we haven't all got sewer minds you know Yahoo!

It was a serious question and I wanted to put it in my own words - why blank words out when they are in context and was what I wanted to say?

zeline c - I feel for you.He *does* need a routine at that age - try posting a question and I am sure that you will get lots of good advice.

Answer 1

i raised my 3 sons on my own from when my eldest was 5, he's 23 now, 2 of them are in the forces and the other is at uni studying to be a vet....it was tough at times but i pulled through, i had alot of support from my friends, my family were not that helpful, all they were interested in was themselves and where their next beer was coming from, they didn't care a hoot about what i was going through, i didn't trust anyone enough to get that close to my kids when they were little, it was only when they got older that i introduced them to someone i was seeing and he was good to them, i wouldn't say father figure though but they liked him alot...and he was good to them, their real dad was a violent thug who never once saw them growing up, he died this month so he missed out....

Answer 2

I have brought my son up on my own since the day he was born for the first 5 yrs with a little input from his father and for the last year no input at all!

I'm lucky Joan I have some great married friends whose husbands think the world of my boy, my father and brother do a lot of things with him, even my OAP neighbours take an interest.

I do worry though sometimes that perhaps he has too much female influence on his life, but he's a happy, normal, well adjusted little boy.
One of my contacts (sue) is a beaver leader and on her recommendation I looked into my son joining the beavers as he is too young for scouts yet.
He's a bit worried about going so we haven't been yet but I know my son and keeps mentioning it, so it won't be long before he'll want to go and like a man will think it's he's own idea!

Answer 3

I am bringing two sons up alone and have been doing for almost 9 years, apart from a 2 year relationship i had a few years ago. I worry constantly at the lack of good male role models in their lives.

I dont have many males in my family and the ones i do have are not interested in them. They are very close to my ex partner who has maintained a better relationship with the boys since we split up 2 years ago than their own father ever has and i will always respect him greatly for that as they are not his flesh and blood.

I have encouraged them to join cubs and scouts, as well as local football clubs etc so they can see how men can be. (unfortunately the cubs was run by women!!! just my luck ha)

I just try my very best to give them a sense of themselves as boys and acknowledge that their are differences between the sexes, but i hope they will grow up to appreciate that kindness, respect, loyalty and love are not gender specific.

Answer 4

I've got 2 boys (and a girl) and we've been going it alone for nearly 7 years now. They're father thought discipline meant psycologically abusing them till they gave in so as you can imagine he is no role model. There's been no men in my life so I haven't had to deal with the partner issue at all but I am really fussy! I do worry about them not having a positive male role model in their lives and I think they need it. My dad is good with them but he's too busy most of the time. Wish I had a brother!!

Answer 5

I have two boys, one 5 and the other 16 months. After my first was born I was on my own for about three years before I met my now-husband and had my second son with him. Like you, I was lucky enough during those three years to have a brother who was an amazing uncle to my boy.

I am so glad that I met my husband, he has treated my first as if he were his own. He's wonderful!

ADD: "mama," that is very rude and inconsiderate.. "what is sad about today's society is that having Step-Parents is not all that uncommon"... well, I believe that what is sad about today's society is that there are still so many judgmental deadbrains such as yourself around! If I had stayed with my first husband, I would be a miserable, abused wreck today! Instead I am a happy, successful, LOVED woman with two BEAUTIFUL sons who have a loving, attentive father who threats them BOTH equally even though only the youngest is his! You have no idea what you are talking about, you narrow-minded, thoughtless waste.

Answer 6

I raised my son by myself from the age of 3 until i met my partner when my son was 14.... I had a wonderful father who felt he had a parental responsibility towards my son but with living so far away from us wasnt alway there in the physical sense.....
I made sure that my son was involved with cubs ect, went to football, rugby ect.... obviously as there was only the 2 of us for so long it was difficult when my partner and I moved in together as 14 was a difficult age.... with a lot of patience from my partner (he had no children) and reasoning my son now looks on him as a good male role model ..... he is now 20 full time job got good exam results.... and the bigest compliment he gave my now husband is that he will be so proud when he has his own children that he will have a good grandfather for his kids.....

Answer 7

yes!! as you know i have one of each and i can honestly say both my brothers and my parents and both my sis in laws ,have been a huge support to me over the years not only since I've been on my own ,but also when i was with my ex partner ,as i have said before ,he wasn't much help around the house ,in his eyes he was the guy bringing home the money and my job was to look after the kids and house ,which i was more than happy to do , Sometimes i have said to my family can you have a word with him/her and it always works, someone that doesn't live with you can sometimes see things from a different angle and obviously sharing a problem will immediately halve it ,My son looks up to all my male family members and learns from them , as too does my daughter from the female members .I have a great family i am one of the lucky ones x

Answer 8

I raised 2 sons and now have one of them back since he became paralyzed and I'm raising my 5 year old grandson. My husband works (I think to just get away, because he is retired military), so I pretty much do it on my own. And if you're doing it on your own then you don't have much time to run around and look for role models. I'm hoping they come from Private Christian School, Church, all the Sports he plays like, baseball, basketball, soccer and flag football. If they don't come from there then he will have none. God willing, he will turn out OK.

Answer 9

At the moment I am raising my 21 month old son by myself who is hiting t eterrible two's already some times I find it stressfull as I dont really have any help!!! Can any body help my son aint even in a rountine and badly need some advice!!!

Answer 10

my son is now eight i have raised him on my own for six years his father left and wanted nothing too do with him, it is hard but i had help form my family who love my son i am now with my partner who loves my son like he was his own i feel very lucky to have found someone who is so good to me and my son