Is there really such a man?

Question

Are there really men out there who will never stray? Never hit? Never curse or yell? Are there really men out there who can hold down a job? Be your rock, your shoulder to cry on? Be a good role model for your children? Or deep down are all men the same? Where are the men who would kiss the back of your neck while you cook dinner or wrap their arms around your waist while you wash dishes, someone who opens the door for you or pulls out your chair? Someone who understands you come with an already made family and lots of baggage? Is there such a man who could love with everything that makes him who he is and accept the love you give to him? I'm going through a divorce (I'm not man bashing) but I'm curious about this because I don't want to find someone who is exactly what I finally got away from.

I'm only 29 and would prefer not to spend the rest of my life alone but I do not want to settle for exactly what I left. Surely there has to be someone out there who feels the same way that I do about the boundaries in a relationship, what you can and can't do to the one that you love. Hell, maybe I watch too many movies. At least no one has lied and said Hey! That's ME! (smile)

What I am trying to figure out is: isn't there someone of the opposite sex who thinks like I do? Who wants the same out of the relationship? I don't ask for much: be honest, be respectful, be loving, and don't stray - it seems that what I am looking for is like asking for the sun, moon and starts.

Now I'm repeating myself...sorry about that. It's going to be a nasty divorce and I'm going to take a couple of years to rebuild myself back up...sorry.

Thank you everyone who answered this question. I appreciate all of the advice that you have given to me.

SEA - I read your answer for the other question and I only have one thing to say : they don't make men like that in Arkansas...(and I'm stuck in Arkansas) so unless he has a brother who is willing to relocate in a couple of years after I sort through my baggage! Just kidding. Good Luck in your life and good luck to you both.

I don't think that I'm looking for perfection. I know that there are going to be flaws, disagreements, etc. I'm just curious if there is a man who is not afraid to show his emotions, if there is a man who knows what a woman wants and is willing to go that distance to prove his love to her. I honestly don't know why I asked this question...I still have many years before I can sort through the baggage and many years before I even remember who I am. But I still would like to thank everyone who took time out to answer. That means a lot to me. Thank You!

Answer 1

The simple answer is no. Oh, please don't get me wrong. Your piece suggests that you are looking for perfection or for the perfect man. That is who does not exist. There are no perfect human beings ( and that goes for you and me). But if you are looking for a good man, there are tons of them. I know because I am one of them( even if I say so myself ).Please, I am not trying to be arrogant or cocky, only trying to reassure you that there are plenty of good men.While I can not claim to know the pain and disappointment you currently feel, based on the pain of your divorce, I most certainly understand it.If you can bring the same qualities you describe in your piece to a relationship, I can assure you that you will attract a good man. Please do not become sour, or cynical, or bitter, or believe that all men are potentially like your soon to be ex. I suspect you are now angry for good reason but don't become jaded.You are going to find a man like you described in your story with all those wonderful qualities -- a man that is going to be the complete opposite of the man you are finally getting away from. Please keep me posted on your progress for I sense beautiful changes blowing your way.I wish you all the best .

Answer 2

Short answer: yes and no.

Deep down, nobody is the same as anybody else.
And it's really hard to say "never" or "always" about anything.

What I hear you yearning for is someone who'll treat you well, be respectful, be honest. And I also hear that you haven't had that. Part of your healing journey beyond your divorce is to discover what it was in you that attracted something other than what you want. Find that. Because the odds are high that if you don't "he" will happen in your life again - different face, same problems.

While you're working on that, do what the relationship coaching people recommend. Write down a list of "must have" qualities in a partner. These are the deal-breakers; the stuff you either require or won't tolerate.
Then write down a list of the "really want but will negotiate" items.
And carefully pick and choose guys based on what you want. Sounds unromantic, I know. But it's the only way to really get clear about your preferences.

And then, get out there. There are a lot of available guys. Some already polished, some still needing work.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes there are. I am that man.

I am 45 years old and have been married 22 years (23 in March). I have never cheated on my wife.

There will always be yelling and arguments. If you slap your man you can expect to be slapped back. Being a woman gives you no right to do it.

I still open my wife's door for her, not so much pulling out the chair - but sometimes still. I actually enjoy doing the cooking and do so better than her. I help clean the house and do chores. The house and belongings belong to me too.

Real Men are out there. How they act has as much to do with how you treat us and respect us as to the type of husband we become. No using sex as a weapon or threat to get your way or refusing sex after an argument.

If you spend 100% of your time pleasing your husband (not just the sex - everything) and he does the same for you marriage is perfect. But to many people are "what about me". "What do I get out of this and where's mine". When that starts it stops.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are going through a lot. Just know that if you want the perfect man, you have to be the perfect woman. Baggage is not perfect. There are men who will treat you wonderfully but may not kiss the back of your neck while you cook because he is tending to the kids. He may pull out your chair and open doors for you but he raises his voice because you compare him to your ex. You need to heal. You know what those pink and red flags were that you ignored from this guy you are getting rid of. If you see any of those flags...dont ignore them. Also dont fall in love with someones potential. Good luck.

Answer 5

Yes there is, but it depends on you and the "level" of respect that you expect from a man.
Set your standards where "you" want them.
Work on your baggage (the divorce, financial issues). If it weighs you down, why should it weigh down a good man?

Get yourself together, build your inner strength, and work on becoming self sufficient and not co-dependant.
When you meet that special guy, let him know exactly what it is that you want out of a relationship, and ask him what he wants.
Be wary of the men who prey on single "needy" women with children.

If your goals and aspirations are not similar, move on until you find someone who has the same goals, aspirations as you do.
.
All the best to you in finding that special guy.

Answer 6

Hey read my answer to a similiar question:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnMIEJFBc24SatYFfPSe_ffsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071228120442AAYEIPk&show=7#profile-info-xRlysHMBaa

Btw-I do not have any kids. I am very picky about if I did who I would choose to with. I would with no doubt him. He would be such a good person to have kids with. He would be so understanding. He is just wonderful.

Be patient and take care of yourself. Very sorry about your bad experiences.
If it gives you any hope. I went through a lot of hell in life. Then he walked in and all the hell of the past was forgotten. He just made me melt, and showed me what a real man is like from the inside out.

Answer 7

Most of the men that do that are older. Not geriatric, but mid-late 40's early fifties. Alot of them are hot, have money and will treat you like the queen you are. Be careful though, they sometimes don't want to settle down or will settle down too quickly and you'll become wifey number 5. Good luck with your search.

Answer 8

Yeah, but I think he's gay.

But really, it seems like you have very high expectations of what you're hoping to find. No one is perfect, and you're looking for too much all at once. Take a step back or you're going to miss out on a lot of guys, because you're hoping to see all this in them at once. It's important to look for potential in a person, too.

Answer 9

I'm sure there is, otherwise the concept of "monogamy" would be pretty much out the window. There'd be no point in shacking up if ALL Men weren't like this.

Answer 10

there will be men who never stray or be a jerk. not all men are the same. there are good men but they are rare. as for holding a job thats a bit questionable....