Why do people on Yahoo Answers hate people who've adopted from China?

Question

I know I'll get terribly flamed for even asking this.

Okay, I know people think I should have adopted in America through foster care, and I have counter arguments for that, but I've made them all before.

But my question really is this...since so many adoptees are upset that they were "stolen from their birthparents", wouldn't the type of adoption I did be preferable??? After all, all the children adopted in China have already been relinquished by their birthfamilies, long before their adoptive families ever came along. The decision was already made. It had nothing to do with who adopted them, or even if ANYONE adopted them.

The choice in China isn't a life with your birth family or a life with an adoptive family. It's a choice between life in an orphanage or life with an adoptive family.

Isn't there a contradiction in first complaining children are being "stolen" and then complaining that people aren't adopting in the U.S.?

Okay, I'm ready for all the flames.

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with adopting a child from another country. American babies are worth no more or less than Chinese babies, and neither is more or less deserving of a home. American babies are, however, much harder to get! I don't know why people think it's so easy to adopt an American baby. It isn't, most of them get snatched up right away. It's the older kids who have trouble getting adopted out, especially the ones who are already teenagers. But you can't really fault people for wanting to adopt a baby and not a teenager. It's a completely different experience. Then again, you don't see too many Americans adopting Chinese teenagers, either!

Answer 2

I am not sure why you have targeted adoptees on this issue. I see many, many more comments on domestic vs international adoption from people who do not answer in the Adoption section regularly.

I think that people who object to children being "stolen" are referring to domestic infant adoption that is rife with corruption (which is why many adoptive parents choose international adoption) or mistakes in the foster system where a parent is unfairly accused of abuse.

Children who are freely available for adoption are not "stolen". I believe that Hague Convention compliant countries take diligent steps to assure everything is on the "up and up". No child should grow up in an orphanage (or in foster care for that matter) when there are families with open arms.

Answer 3

BAHHHH! * tears hair out while running around screeching*

Every type of adoption has pitfalls as well as blessings. If you are taking care of a child in need that is awesome, seriously. But do so after informing yourself of the potential issues that can arise. There is nothing worse than blind parents who refuse to admit that anything could possibly be wrong with their little Johnny or Suzie.

Adoption is far and away a preferable choice to an orphanage. That does not give a green light to ignore the issues at hand. Being dramatically ripped from one home to another is traumatic enough without the added stress of a new climate, culture, food types and all the rest that goes with international adoption. Add to that the fact that many of these kids will never be able to reunite with their natural families even if they want to. No, I do not hate anyone here who chose to adopt internationally, oh wait yes I do but not because of the adoption.

Infants ARE being stolen in North America... most older children are not. Everyone wants a baby, a cute little munchkin to train as their own. That is the only complaint I have ever made in regards to international over domestic adoption. That people are willing to take on older children through international adoption yet are unwilling to do the same domestically.

Answer 4

No flames. But I do hope people realize that international adoption can be full of deception. After all, how do we know that a birthmother is not coerced or threatened or paid to give her child up? It happens more than anyone would like to know in international adoptions. Yes, the rights are relinquished before the baby is even placed, but how? Voluntarily or involuntarily? You will certainly never know in most cases. Unless you meet the birthmother, which is not possible in most countries. I support adoption on any level if there is freedom of choice, but personally gave up an exciting opportunity many years ago to start an adoption program in the Far East due to unscrupulous practices I was made aware of by a Businessman who frequently travelled there. Bottom line -- know what you are doing when you adopt. Do not become part of the problem. Become part of the solution. Do your homework. Ask many many questions of any agency you work with. Meet birthmothers if possible. Look for ethical history in that country, that province, that orphanage, that attorney, that agency.

Answer 5

I've seen people question a poster's motives for choosing overseas adoption instead of domestic adoption: is that what you mean? I don't think hate is the right word.

There seem to be people who come here to ask specific questions, and others who come with a larger picture in mind. Some want to know how to do something; others want to know why something is happening or not happening; still others are here more to teach than to ask questions. There's room enough for all!

I am amazed at all of the new information I've read here. Who knew? Now I realize we didn't ask enough questions ourselves before we went ahead. I wish I'd known about this place years ago.

Answer 6

I am an adoptee who has considered adopting a special needs child from China. I have not done it for many reasons.

Here are some of the things holding me back:

I have concerns about removing a child from his home country and culture.

I have concerns that the fact that my husband and I are not Asian would mean that we would be inadequate at providing this child knowledge and a relationship to the culture and language of his homeland which I feel is imperative to most adoptees.

I have concerns about bringing a child into my home who has been institutionalized for most if not all of his life and expecting him to acclimate to my family.

I have concerns that in my intent to do good and give a child a loving stable home, that I would somehow put the child into a position in which he feels he owes me something.

I have concerns that I could possibly do more good for many children by donating money to an orphanage than to one by adopting him.

I have concerns about the impact adoption could have on my family.

I have concerns about China in particular and the fact that there society seems to disregard females and those with special needs. As a mother of a child who could be considered special needs himself due to a physical difference, I am outraged that many children with differences identical to my son's are literally left on doorsteps and abandoned to orphanages simply because they are a little different. I worry that in adopting a child, I am aiding that cultural norm in allowing the people of China to dispose of children with special needs as they see fit. It sickens me and outrages me that these children are being treated like this. And I want no part of that regime of thought.

I just have a lot of concerns.

None of these things are judgements but just the things I wrestle with in contemplating adopting from China.

I think there are many people who have issues with the way China has handles international adoptions. It is hard to hear those concerns voiced as judgements especially when the person adopting is truly just trying to help.

So no, I am not about to flame you. Nor do I hate those who adopt from China. I just have concerns.

Answer 7

I don't hate people who adopt from China, in fact one of my classmates has a younger sister who was adopted from china as a baby, and is very well off with her mother, and sister(my classmate), who was also adopted, although she was adopted domestically. i just think you need to heavily research the culture and situation in the country from which you plan to adopt (I'm not being rude, i agree with you. personally i want to adopt from the Ukraine and have been reading up on the general fates of most children after graduating from institutional situations, with most ending up criminals, beggars, or committing suicide. ) i also think you should pay attention to the specific countries laws concerning citizenship should the child wish to return to their home country upon their respective 18th birthday (for the Ukraine, upon the child's 18th birthday they can choose to become an american citizen or retain Ukrainian citizenship)

Answer 8

I was not aware of it either. All I am here to do is to make sure its ethical for all involved, adoptees, natural parents and adoptive parents. I don't want anyone getting scammed. I would prefer if you did adopt a foster child. I am not going to slam you for your choice.

Answer 9

i think that people get upset when people go out of the country to adopt because there are so many children HERE who need good families, and aren't getting good foster and adoptive care.
and the families who ARE providing it aren't getting acknowledged. families who go out of the country and cut all the red tape to get adoptive children get praised.
maybe we should start accepting all kinds of blended families..... no matter where the adopted children have come from.

Answer 10

I desire I knew chinese language. ???§???|¼û I in basic terms comprehend the thank you to communicate French. And English... Je veux savoir remark parler en Chinois. Je sais remark parler en Francais. Et Anglais....

Answer 11

Because, until quite recently, China had more relaxed requirements for nationals from other countries to adopt their available children. The adoption laws in this country are quite restrictive, and it seems to me many available children are prevented from getting a loving family because of these restrictions. Social Services seem to faill to understand that a loving family is the most important dynamic available to a child that is now in a foster home. It's truly a conundrum.