Having child vs. Having abortion?

Question

I have been a commited relationship now for 8 and half years. We recently got engaged in June and I found out 2 days ago that I was pregnant. I dont know what to do since this was not planned, actually it is the complete oppsite. We were going to me moving to another country in a month and start a bussiness. He feels that we should abort do to that reason and that he is not ready to be a father. I feel that everything happens for a reason and I want to have this child I also told myself that I wont get an abortion unless it was medically nessacary. I am also very worried that not matter if I choice to have the child or not that our relationship will never be the same. I am afriad that if I go through with an abortion that I am going to hate him and that if I dont and we dont move he is going to hate me. We have also been given the option of me moving in with my mom and him still moving to start the company. We both want kids its just that we werent planning on it being now. Any advise?

I just want to thank everyone that commented on my questions. I really need to hear so differnet voices other than mine and his, so thanks again everyone.

Also about moving and having the baby there, its not that it cant be done but he feels that if we keep the baby he cant invest in a company he would have to invest into the child so there for no moving.

Answer 1

My heart really goes out to both of you. I have to tell you though, no one can give you advice about this because we don't know you. This is a decision with no easy answer and really, even though it might seem like it will help to hear what we all have to say, ultimately you are going to be the one to live with it.

My advice to you is to spend some time alone thinking about this. If you can go somewhere for a few days and think away from your partner, this might be best. You have to decide what YOU want to do because it's your body. Yes, you should consider your partners feelings as well but he should understand that this is not as easy for you. Sit down with him and try to explain it. Tell him that it is different for you because you are a woman and are naturally inclined to feel differently towards this life inside you....and that while you have not made up your mind on whether or not you want to keep it, you want him to consider all options with you so that you can both explore all positibilities and make the best choice for you. He might need encouragement to consider other things but he should understand that you can not make a decision based on him.

Also, maybe tell him that you're afraid this will make you feel negatively towards each other no matter what the decision. Perhaps this will encourage him even more to try to consider all aspects. If you've been together for 8 years now, that has to mean that he cares about your feelings and I'm sure he wouldn't want to make a decision that you can't live with.

After all this explaining, give yourself a week or two to think about it. Do you know how far along you are? If you are still early on, you can think about it for a little... and I think you should. I'm sure you're both a little bit in shock about it and it will help for you to have some time to think it over. And during that 1-2 week period, try to still do things together. You need to come together now, more than ever... be each others strength and try to make the best decision for you both, together.


If, however, he is unable or unwilling to consider other options, you still need to do what's best for YOU. It's your body and no one has the right to pressure you into any decision about what happens to it, regardless of their own personal beliefs.

Answer 2

This choice is really between you and your fiance'. You both still need to get married too. If it wasn't your fiance's, then you've probably think differently but it's his too, so I'd see why you would want to keep it.

You need to talk to him, everything is about communication, how would he feel if you kept it, or aborted it? And think about what kind of home can you offer the baby? Also sometimes when bringing another life into the world, you have to give things up, make sacrifices.

Will he be there for you when the baby arrives? That's the question. It's apart of you and him, you both shouldn't hate each other for what ever the outcome is, you guys should just do what's best for the relationship.

Are you ready? He's saying he isn't? We'll help you get some ideas, but talk to him some more, and soon because if you do get the idea about aborting it, try to do it within a few weeks because it may still be an embryo and you said you just found out 2 day ago, soon it will develope a heart and become a fetus, then it'll even be harder to think about abortion afterwards.

It's His life and Your life. Looks like everyone saying to keep it, but still it's between you and him. You'll know the answer. Good luck.

"It's so hard to choose between a man you love and a child you haven't met."

Good quote from the user Verity Watson below.

Answer 3

Regardless of other life decisions, it seems clear that you want to keep this child and your partner does not. It's only been two days, so it might be too soon to say that you've both reached a decision.

I wonder if you'd be in a position to support the child yourself. It sounds like you might be established in a job, and your mother is willing to help you out. Because it is certainly true that you could end up resenting your partner for choosing an abortion when that's not your wish. I'm also assuming that, if you've been together for eight years, you're at least in your mid-20s, and old enough to know your own mind.

I do think that if you're able to support the child yourself, you should consider it as a possibility. I'm not at all opposed to abortion, but you shouldn't have one if it's not what makes sense to you.

It might end your relationship. It's so hard to choose between a man you love and a child you haven't met.

Any chance you could see a therapist? It seems like this is the kind of thing that needs to be talked over in dialogue with a neutral third party.

Answer 4

I was considering abortion when I found out I was pregnant at 18 and nowhere close to ready.. I kept her because everything happens for a reason and it was my responsibilty to become a mother. Anyways, I now have a beautiful 2 year old and I wouldn't change anything for the world.. I cant picture my life without her. Please keep the baby. You will regret it for the rest of your life if you have an abortion. Why cant you move and have the baby? It's alot of work but you can do it. Once he's a father and see's his baby, his heart will change.

Answer 5

Listen to your heart. Don't abort the baby. I will change your life and make it better. Maybe you won't get to go to another country but you will have a beautiful child instead. When the child grows up and moves out then you can go start your other business. If your boyfriend is not going to support you keeping the baby then maybe he is not right for you. Do the right thing and love that child with all of your heart!
Good Luck!

Answer 6

Why does he have to go to another country to start a business? Can he start it here? I would just sit down with him and tell him how much you love him and how much you really do want this baby. If you didn't want to keep it then you wouldn't be posting on here. If it is really that important for him to start the business then let him go and stay here with your mom. Just because you weren't planning it doesn't mean that it isn't in your cards. Which apparently it was....so congratulations! I hope that you have the baby. You are in a long term relationship which means that you both have a commitment to each other and now to this baby. Good luck with your decision.

Answer 7

If you think you want to keep the child, then do so. He expressed his opinion, but of course, you should do what you feel best about, not what he does.

"we dont move he is going to hate me" This is not the sign of a mature adult if he reacts this way over something so petty. If he can't handle change, then consider him a write off. My guyfriend lost his dream job due to Katrina. Now he lives 1000 miles away. Going with the flow is all you CAN do because life does not often go as planned.

Answer 8

Once that baby is aborted, it's dead.There will be NO way to ever bring it back.
If he wasn't ready to a father he shouldn't have been playing"married" by shacking with you and having sex with you like he was.You were not in a committed relationship hon, that's marriage and you are only engaged.Also a married man steps up to the plate to raise his own children, not have them murdered because they are an inconvenience.
Choose the baby, and if he dumps you over you having his baby, he would have never made a decent father then.
Besides, what's more important,raising your child to be a decent human being, or having a business?
There will ALWAYS be opportunities for business after the kid starts school.You can work part time or some other schedule.
You will hate him if you allow him to coerce you into having one, but you will hate yourself more for LETTING him coerce you into having one..

Answer 9

Hi darling, myself and my boyfriend were planning on moving to america next summer, we found out 8 weeks ago i was pregnant, that option did come up but personally i know i couldnt have went through with it. Im 15 weeks pregnant now and were both so happy i wouldnt change it for the world! Its gona be a different kind of summer, but wow is it going to be amazing

Answer 10

I have never aborted a baby but my best friend has. And she regrets ever doing it. And her relationship with the child's father started to suffer because she started to resent him because he didn't want anymore children and he talked her into getting it. {jerk}. She then became very depressed. I know it's easy for me to say but if you want this baby keep it. It's your body not his. But if you decide to abort the child just make sure that it's something you want to do and not him pressuring you. like you said everything happens for a reason so.....good luck with your tough decision.