Out of curiosity, based on a reply I gave a minute ago about whether or not I cheated or was cheated on-- I was wondering...
My husband and I have been together now for two and a half years with a break up at about the first year, we've only been married a little over a month (and it's great-- no problems now) but when we first got together he was still obssessed with his ex.
He had dreams about her every night (he actually said "Every Night"), he would call and check on her and just talk about her as if she was a goddess or the most evil schrew on earth.
I didn't like that he had such strong feelings for her (good or bad). I certainly didn't hate any of my exes because I really didn't care about whether or not those relationships worked out. Well, it all came to a boiling point where he would compare me to her and make me feel worthless. He just didn't seem happy with me.
2007-12-28 07:39:31 · 11 answers · asked by Avelyn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I worked with someone around this time who thought I was PERFECT so I dumped my now husband to date this new guy-- We only ever kissed, no sexual stuff... it was more of a dinner and movie kind of thing. I just liked being doted over. Well, I guess this woke my husband up and finally made him forget his ex. I realized I loved my husband for him and that just because the new guy thought so highly of me, I wouldn't be happy with just being doted over. Well, my husband seemed like a light turned on in him and he saw me in a new light. He says he understands why i did what I did but he still thinks I cheated. What do you all think?
My husband and I were NOT married at the time. He's my husband now. We weren't even engaged when all this happened.
2007-12-28 07:40:23 · update #1
We've already talked all about it-- and we know where we stand. I was just curious of other's opinions.
2007-12-28 07:44:22 · update #2
Your married now. Marriage is serious. You took vows and you should honor them. As for the cheating before you got married, if you were broke up at the time, it wasn't cheating. If you weren't broken up, it was. However, a kiss is not adultry. If I were both of you, I would put the past where it belongs, IN THE PAST, and move on with your life together. Live for today, Love for today.
2007-12-28 07:46:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure I understand what you're asking -- sorry! You say he thinks you cheated. Which do you mean:
1. Going out with someone, being doted on, and kissing = cheating.
-- OR --
2. He thinks you are lying and that you really did have sex with the man.
Either way, it's not cheating -- you were broken up at the time, right? It's only cheating if it's breaking an exclusivity rule. At that time, he should have had no expectation that you were exclusive.
I recommend a discussion in which you tell him, point blank, that he either has to let go of his resentment, or he has to let go of you. He can't have both!
2007-12-28 07:46:39 · answer #2 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dumped your husband when you were dating the guy so technically its not cheating. Now if you didn't tell your husband you were dumping him and then went off with this guy yes that is considered cheating. Sex isn't the only way of cheating, cheating comes into the form of going out on a date with another person, kissing, sometimes hugging depending on the way that hug is meant.
Now him just talking about his ex isn't cheating. He probably still did like her and hadn't gotten over her. That should of meant to him he wasn't ready for another relationship but he got into one and both of you had to put up with those consequences.
2007-12-28 07:44:54 · answer #3 · answered by Virginia Chic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is a state of mind as well as a physical act. He was cheating by talking constantly of his ex, glorifying her qualities, and making harsh comparisons between the two of you designed only to hurt you. You didn't have a physical relationship with the other guy you dated, so I fail to see that anything you have done has been in the least questionable.
Maybe he feels quilty over his behavior and is trying to minimize it by questioning your faithfulness.
Personally I would have had a hard time going back to a guy who treated me the way your husband did, and if he tried to make ME feel guilty about the entire episode I would definitely tell him who was to blame for my leaving to date someone else.
2007-12-28 07:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is how I see it. If a man still thinks about his ex with emotion than hes not ready to move on. You made the mistake of being his rebound.... so many do.
I don't know why you wanted a man who was obviously still into his ex. As for the cheating part... how do you cheat when your relationship isn't emotionally connected anyway? You needed attention, he needed his ex..... I personally wouldnt have gone back to him
2007-12-28 07:52:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u didn't cheat. it sounds to me though ur husband is abusive *i know this makes me sound liek a total b**** but it has to be said* for the fact he made u feel worthless and was so obsessive isn't good. I suggest you two go to couseling *Not just him because that can make it worse and NOT just you either cuz that deffinately isn;t getting anything done*
anywho good luck with married life and please think about what I said.
2007-12-28 07:45:41 · answer #6 · answered by Katy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope never cheated u dumped ur bf for the new guy then got bak with him no cheating involved hey could u read this and tell me what u think
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsXdhSK7AFGEsM9uye08Uabsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071228121259AAPmFi7
2007-12-28 07:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by Bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were not married and you two separated then its not cheating.
2007-12-28 07:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by Gildragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you rushed into the wedding! Mention it to him, it'll just come up later on if you don't.
2007-12-28 07:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by jaggernut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that ex thing is creepy and this whole story is creepy ... i dont even get the question
2007-12-28 07:48:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋