Why don't men approach me!?-an attractive female.?

Question

I am a very kind, intelligent, funny and very attractive female. When I go out, I get all of the stares, which sometimes makes me uncomfortable, especially when I'm out with other girlfriends. But that's ALL I get-no one will approach me or start conversation. The men that do approach me are usually intoxicated and below my standards.

I'm not talking about only at bars, anywhere mainly. People that I get to know and become friends with always say I'm so different than they thought I'd be. They thought I'd be a
"B_ _ _ _ ". How can I stop this? Do things differently? Be more approachable?

I know this may seem ridiculous-- the "pretty girl's problem", but it really IS a problem for me-everyday!

ANY help, thoughts from MEN AND WOMEN would be appreciated.

Thanks!

I knew this would sound like i have an ego to a lot of people. i just wanted to make this as honest as possible. i am confident in myself, yes. i am not high maintenance. i actually am quite humble AND SHY. if that sounded like bragging, then i'm sorry. this is definitely NOT BRAGGING here. i'm not up on a "high horse". if i were, i wouldn't be writing this asking for advice. i am not a judgemental person, but i know the kind of guy that i'm definitely NOT interested in, that's all Im saying...

Answer 1

Maybe it is your body language. Your body language could be saying stay away or I will check you in the balls. A lot of times, attractive girls display body language that says stay away without even noticing it. Do you stand with arms crossed? Do you avoid making eye contact with people? When someone smiles at you, do you return the smile?

Start taking note of your body language.

Answer 2

Your body language must be telling guys that you're stuck-up. You said yourself that people you get to know got the first impression that you'd be a *****, and your statement about guys that are "below your standards" approaching you definitely says you're projecting yourself as too good for the average Joe.

If you want to be more approachable, you have to project yourself as someone who is approachable. First rule: SMILE MORE. It's very hard to think that any woman who is smiling is a *****. Second rule: Don't avoid eye contact. If you see a guy who is checking you out, make eye contact with him (even if you think he's below your standards -- and remember things are not always as they seem). If you like what you see, remember the First Rule. Third rule: Try to be more open with your body language. Crossing your arms across your chest and turning your back on people say "stay away." When you're with a group of friends, if you're all in a circle there's no room for anyone else to enter in, and guys pick up on that. So your best bet is to position yourself in such a manner that faces you generally toward your friends but also out toward the rest of the crowd. Final rule: Don't sit back and expect others to approach you -- prove that you are open and friendly by BEING open and friendly. Try talking to some of the guys that give you stares (and also talk to some of the guys who don't stare). A perfect way to incorporate this into your routine is to play "wingman" for your friends -- that's where you let one of the guys know that one of your friends is interested in him. That gives you a chance to show the other guys that you're friendly and is a great way to give guys an opportunity to talk to you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Men hardly approach "pretty/sexy/attractive girls" because they are afraid that you will be too conceited and think that you are too good for them and then reject talking to them. They also think that yo might be taken because mostly "pretty girls" are all taken or they are all "biotches". Intoxicated guys are usually the ones with balls to come up to any girl because alcohol gives you confidence and it also takes away your fears. Maybe they are not approaching you because you act and talk a certain way that makes you look(to them) like one of the girls with the attitudes or status above. You can probably stop this by acting more calm around your friends(might become a little bitty bit boring to them but it will help you attract more guys). Don't try to get attention from the people in your surrounding like talking/laughing loudly(on purpose) because it makes you look really conceited like you want everyone to notice you. It also shows that you don't have respect for yourself. Good guys go up to ladies that respect their self and the people around them. Same thing as a girl would want, a girl wants a guy that is sweet, well-mannered, and knows how to treat us right. But we still want that sweet, well-mannered guy to have a little bad boy inside him too right? Yes, we do. Just ask yourself what a guy does that turns you off or what you wouldn't like them doing. If you don't want to only be a good girl, then be a good girl at first until you get to know them a little more then you can start showing them a little more of the bad side because everyone has a bad side. No guys want a girl that is just innocent or a girl that is just bad. They want a little bit of each because that is where the excitement comes from in a relationship. Well, I hope this helps you in some ways. Take care and good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like you don't smile enough. If you make eye contact and smile in a genuine way people see you as more approachable. It doesn't matter WHAT you look like really because unapproachable people just don't interact well with general public due to this lack of basic skill. Body gestures say it all and we instinctively do things that make us one way or the other. I understand the pretty girl problem because I had it, I have just taken the reigns and talk to who I want to everwhere I go. Being pretty opens doors faster and people naturally want to be your friend when you appear easy to talk to.

Another thing you mentioned was your standards.... How can you judge someone the second you meet them? Judgemental people naturally turn people off. Good luck.

Answer 5

There is an unwritten rule that people of similar levels of attractiveness seem to find each other.
If you are extremely attractive, then the regular looking guys will feel they do not have a chance and will not try (unless drunk).
A similar process happens with very intelligent people. They have a hard time finding someone compatible because there just are not that many people of that high of intelligence.
Also, make yourself approachable by smiling and seeming friendly. Some of the best finds are not attractive but are very accomplished in other ways.
Look at Henry Kissinger, the ex-secretary of state. He was quite unattractive, but was frequently in the company of tall beautiful women.

Answer 6

I can only imagine how you feel.Beautiful women can be very intimidating.Maybe smile a little more.I have noticed how some very attractive women can be obnoxiuos.It is a stereotype to judge b4 getting to know someone.I know that tradition says that the man should do the approaching,but why not try approaching someone that catches your eye.A little flirtation may help.I can relate,because I am a attractive male.Wish you the best of luck.You should have posted a pic.lol,Just kidding.It's hard being irresistable.

Answer 7

I consider myself a pretty "typical" guy. So hopefully my answers will be supported by other guys out there. When I see a gorgeous, attractive female, I will seldom approach her out of fear that she's going to turn me down. This reluctance is magnified when I see a gorgeous female with her friends. It takes a guy with a very thick skin who is open to approaching a girl out of sheer fear of being rejected.

Generally speaking I think a lot of guys avoid approaching a pretty girl because we feel that she's likely already "taken".

My question for you is why don't you try approaching a guy? Why do you think the guy has to take the first step? If you see someone you are interested in, go talk to him!

Answer 8

I don't know way I am like this but I am intimidated to approach women when they are with a lot of female friends. It sounds like you do get approach but they are drunk, try not going to the bars, or below your standards, once again avoid bars as a lot of losers hang out their. Oh I better clarify that I don't think everyone in a bar is a loser but a lot of them are. Hope this helps

Answer 9

The "nice guy" is usually very shy and mortally fears rejection. The guys who are more confident often tend to be players and are usually full of themselves and lack loyalty.
I would suggest that if you find a man who interests you looking at you, then smile back or even wave. When we (us nice guys) see a very attractive woman, we automatically assume a woman that pretty has to be married or have a boyfriend and then kind of just give up. You sound like a knockout, so you are going to have to flirt a bit to get a guy to approach you. There is nothing wrong with a woman starting a conversation or showing interest. A smile and wink will do wonders in terms of giving nice guys a little vote of confidence as well as encouragement.

Answer 10

Generally I would say to just relax and eventually somebody decent will talk to you.

If some guy stares and you think he's good lucking then make sure you smile at him. Are you the kind of person that just has a 'bitchy' look on your face?

Also how about your standards? Are you realistic? Are there guys coming up to you and talking that aren't drunk and aren't idiots but aren't up to some other standard. Does a guy have to be tall dark and handsome to even warrant your attention?

Answer 11

If you are what you say you are, then maybe the men think that you are out of their league and are to scared to approach you. Don't wait for someone to go find you, be bold and make a move if you're interested in someone.