Ok I hope this doesnt sound too crazy, but here goes... I am 48 years old, and have met a Woman about a year ago thru the internet. We hit it off almost instantly! I am in love with her, and she is in love with me. We talk with each other on the phone everyday, we share photo's of each other, we webcam when we can. I can honestly say that our personality's are perfect for each other and I've never been so IN LOVE....EVER. So here are the Kickers! 1. She lives several states away! Lord knows I'd fly, drive, or walk there if I could!!! Ready for #2??? You sure???
She is on my mind 24/7! I'd lay my life down for her, in a heartbeat...ok ok here is #2
She is married with kids!!! As for me, I am single. I divorced a few years ago. She say's she loves her husband, but is not (IN LOVE) with him. What do I do??? HELP!!!
2007-12-28 07:25:16 · 28 answers · asked by Aiden S. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
find someone new as soon as possible. This is a dead end street with a massive cliff beyond the end of the road. Sadly, nothing good will come of this.
2007-12-28 07:29:36 · answer #1 · answered by D J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Internet relationships can be so intense, percisely because you can't connect physically and don't have to deal with each other's problems on a day to day basis. You didn't say if you had ever met. If not, I can almost guarantee that it would be completely different if you did. There is really no way to know if you are compatible with someone until you have been together, really together for quite a while. These things only work, if you can meet the other person fairly soon after meeting Online to determine if there is physical attraction, and if moving is an option for one of you. You can't even do this, because she is already married!
You won't like to hear this, but be realistic. It just isn't going to happen. You aren't really in love, you are infatuated with an idea, you were probably lonely and became attached to someone who showed you attention. I know it feels impossible, but drop it immediately. Write a personal ad on a website so that you can meet women in your own area. Start dating and getting away from the computer to be with friends. It is the only solution.
2007-12-28 07:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OUCH!
I always play the devil's advocate. How many hours have you spent FACE-TO-FACE with this woman? Think about that. Are you in love with her, or with the idea of her? A lot of times people become obsessed over the not-being-able-to-have aspect, and forget that there is a lot of bad to go with the good. It's the taboo effect. You can't have her, so you want her all the more.
You say she lives several states away. So what? You love her. Where's the issue. Move to her state.
She's married? Well, a lot of people get divorced. She loves her husband, but isn't in love with him. Staying in a relationship out of pity or obligation is no relationship. However, here I have to say that the deep love she feels for her husband shouldn't be dismissed easily. A lot of times what happens is that she leaves, you move, and the next thing you know you can't stand the smell of her feet, or the way she chews, or you just aren't a sweet to her as her husband was, etc., etc. A lot of lives are upturned, and for what? And with children in the mix...
So, with so many factors that could mean more than one thing, it is too hard to advise. However, the way human nature works and what you have written here, it isn't that she isn't "in love" with her husband, it's that they've reached the stage of true comfort. The fire is gone, and she misses that. She'd be just as content to rekindle that fire, than to start a new one. Too often when the woman leaves to start a new fire, she ends up missing the true comfort.
2007-12-28 07:33:44 · answer #3 · answered by catsovermen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do except let her go. There is so much I could tell you about the internet and why we women use it, but 99% of us who chat with guys are looking for something that our husbands don't want to or can't give. You may love her, but you'll have to let her go, because waiting for her to do something will kill you. Besides, that is not a loving/honest relationship and frankly, she has the best of both worlds.
Unless you are prepared to fight for her and tell her husband or give her the ultimatium to tell her husband or you will, you are stopping your life and hanging on to something that will probably never happen. I have found that the most intense relationships are those in which we know we will never achieve the level of happiness that we perceive we could. When reality sets in and the mystery disappears, we find we aren't as thrilled with the outcome as we had hoped.
Find a girl in your State. Go to i-match.com or e-harmony.com and find someone you can take to dinner, bring flowers too and laugh with in person. She's never going to leave her husband and kids...so leave her and cherish the memory.
2007-12-28 07:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by Allison S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if she is not in love with him then it will not work anyway. She is staying in a relationship for her kids. This is a perfectly logical reason to do this. However, she is not going to be happy with her choice always wanting to go her separate way. If I were you I would let her decide what she must do. I understand fully the ties love bring, even when not in love with someone. Sometimes you have to remove yourself from the loved on to be happy. I don't think that I could stay around some of my ex's for any amount of time without being terribly sad for loving them and knowing that I cannot be with them due to just not being in love with them. Sometimes loving someone is not enough to stay with them. If she is staying for familiarity or the kids she needs to make the decision to leave on her own terms. Do not pressure her, do not offer to take her in or see her personally until she has discussed these things with her husband and he understands that it is over. If the shoe were on the other foot I know you would not want to find out later into the relationship.
2007-12-28 07:34:16 · answer #5 · answered by Dez Myr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go. What if you were her husband and she was doing this to you behind your back? How do you know she wouldn't do the same to you. Love is a strong word and at 48 years old I know you know that, but seriously think about this before you pursue the relationship any longer. She has a family that she needs to work things out with. Leave her alone its easier said than done but you will happier without all the drama. Hope things work out for you.
2007-12-28 07:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by 2h@n@ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are 48 years old and very lonely. She is a housewife and the newness of the internet relationship fascinates her.
Leave her alone. Let her continue her relationship with her children. If nothing else, think of them.
If you were to get together, odds are you would not get along and her life would be ruined where you have nothing to lose.
Move on to greener pastures.
2007-12-28 07:37:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, let her go. If she comes back, then you know it's real.
Edit at 12:26PM: Ok, I just read the text of your question and want to change my mind. She is no good! For her to pursue another relationship while married is completely immoral and irresponsible. What makes you think she will not do the same to you if you commit to her. Sever the ties and move on. This is not worth it.
2007-12-28 07:27:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I would let her make the next move. After all it is on her to decide if her love for you is worth divorcing her husband. This is a tough one. Good luck. Do not let her string you along, you both need to work out a plan!
2007-12-28 07:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
computers let you be who want to be.it's easy to fall for someone that tells you all the right stuff,but if she can do this behind her husbands back she can do it to u also.y don't u just meet someone in your own state? there r all kinds of dating services and i'm sure u can find someone to chat with on computer near u.she says she isn't in love with her husband but she won't leave him,something is screwy.
i say move on and let her be. i'm sure there is something better waiting for u somewhere else.
if you took the chance and ended up with her whose to say that things will be what u expect them to be,remember life is not a bowl of cherries there are pits also
2007-12-28 07:36:39 · answer #10 · answered by rdwnglvrfan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude...if u ACTUALLY love her...do not step in on a marriage with kids involved...think about it...she says she loves him...but is not IN love with him...shes honestly man just telling u she doesnt get the attention she used to from him and is looking elsewhere for it...aka the internet...if u actually feel anything for this woman u will stop talking to her right away...break all forms of communication and let her get on with her life...shes confused...shes got problems in her own relationship to deal with...if u ACTUALLY 'love' her...break all ties and let her continue her happy life...if she wasnt happy with this guy she wouldnt have gotten married to him or had kids...but its up to u if u want to break up a family and ruin lives because u have the internet love...its up to u
2007-12-28 07:31:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋