Is My Relationship Doomed?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years and lived together for about 4 years. We have talked about the possiblity of marriage. But i am unsure of the whole relationship at times because we have a problem communicating. I cant talk to him about finances, relationships, or business without me or him catching an attitude. But on the other hand we complement each other very well and have a great time togehter (mainly because when we are together we are never sober). Should i be concerned about the possiblity of marriage if we have a hard time communicating now? And what will happen when we stop drinking and smoking together all the time? Most of the time it is just fun and games, even though our sex life is just okay. And now we are at the point where we are both looking to start businesses, but it is so hard for me to talk to him about his business without him becoming defensive? But overall i would give our relationship a 7 out of 10.

Any advice?

Let me clarify, we both smoke and only drink on occasion. So when i say sober, it means that we are usully high. So our liver is okay, not sure about the lungs where health is concerned.

Answer 1

When you start to bring up finances and all that stuff, if he cops an attitude just let it slide, ignore it and don't add fuel to the fire. Don't try to explain why you need to communicate and all that stuff, or whine, or yell because he will shut down completely and not listen. He's a guy and doesn't really think about this stuff, but if you really want things to change you need take the initiative and start with yourself. Be patient, listen to what he has to say, and not get defensive yourself (even if it gets really hard, try try try)! Once one person has attitude, and the next gives it right back it's just going to go back and forth and turn into a fight. Just stay calm, let him say what he has to say about it and then nicely comment. Even if he keeps giving you attitude, he'll notice you're not giving attitude back and wonder why. Even if he gets mad and doesn't talk to you, give him some time to think about what just happened. I think it will work out- I also think you need to work on the fact you're only having a great time because your drunk... that can't be good (healthwise) for either of you! :)

Answer 2

Hello I would only say It Is doom If there are not some major changes made because that is one of the main reasons even married couples get a divorce, lack of communications. It has been proven over and over women talk men don't. You didn't mention love.Sweetie If you get along much better when the both of you are intoxicated than when sober then that is false and the reason you don't feel it when you are sober.Its like looking through rose tinted glasses, the weather can look horrible but the glasses give you a false look .I feel if the two of you love each other then the relationship can be fix but not by the two of you you will need help, some kind of counseling. When two people can not discuss what concerns their relationship and future its like they are not in a relationship and they are single.you know my business is mine and your business is yours, it will not work.Maybe its over without being completely over .The one question the both of you need to be mature enough to discuss is your real feelings for each. Can you both say without a doubt that you are in love with each other ? If you are work on this if you are not stop making each miserable and move on to find the person that is suppose to communicate with you about your future with each .Happy New Year

Answer 3

I don't think anything is doomed in this world, but from the sound of your post, the two of you both need to grow up. You're acting like children, not responsible adults: drinking and smoking, everything is fun and games, never sober together. You have no idea what your relationship is really like because it's always been clouded by some other substance, never raw or pure.

You need to drop the alcohol, smoking drugs, and other unhealthy habits now. For your relationship, your health, and any children you may want to have. See if you can actually live together and like each other if you're not drunk or high. If you can't, it's time to move on until you both grow up and mature to the point of having a real relationship.

Answer 4

I would be worried about getting married if you have a hard time communicating now. If all you two do is smoke together and drink thats not much of a relationship. Yeah having fun together is good but a relationship isn't just fun and games. I don't know about him being defensive about the business he is starting. the only thing I can think of is to talk to him calmly about it and ask him why he gets so defensive.

Answer 5

It sounds to me as if you are both wonderful friends, but don't have the basis to make a long, healthy relationship. Especially the excessive drinking part. That is unhealthy for you, for him, and for the relationship. Your relationship is based on an altered state, and one day you will find yourself forced to grow up (especially if starting businesses), and then what do you have in common? Part now when you can part as friends. Be supportive of each other. Then go find someone who "rocks your world" so to speak.

Answer 6

Sounds to me that you should go to couples therapy... they will show you how to communicate with each other.

it also seems like both of you have a tough time taking anything seriously. Maybe lay down some ground rules and see if both of you can commit to them. Quit drinking for a week and see if you like each other. If not, part ways.

Best of luck.

Answer 7

lool i think of that occurs..incredibly once you're scuffling with you purely prefer to kill that man or woman :P..yet whilst each and every thing is physically powerful you prefer to kiss him and hug him ( = its commonly used..& occurs to all of us ! :)