I want a small intimate wedding with only CLOSE friends and family. My sisters want to throw me a shower and invite alot of old family friends that I will not invite to my wedding. Is this appropriate?
2007-12-28 07:11:39 · 26 answers · asked by sgtdandi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Traditionally, and proper etiquette says that you should only invite people to your shower who are invited to your wedding. Otherwise it looks like greedy gift grubbing. If you are going to do that, you should write on the invitation, "No Gifts Please!"
Do not write, "No gifts necessary" because that implies that they're still expected.
2007-12-28 07:16:49 · answer #1 · answered by Katie G 6 · 8⤊ 1⤋
NO, it does not entitle you to an invitation to the wedding.
You should be invited, but it is not a requirement to be invited to the wedding if you are invited to the shower. The reasoning is that the ones planning the shower(s) may not know the guest list.
2007-12-30 01:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. Yes, as I mentioned in my other answer to you....those that are invited to the shower MUST ALSO be invited to the wedding. This is only fair. Otherwise, it looks like all you want are the gifts....not for them to share in the joy of witnessing your marriage.
Do NOT listen to others that say..."go ahead." It would be very poor etiquette to do this.
You most certainly CAN have a shower, but have it be just the CLOSE friends and family that will also be attending the wedding. My daughter had a shower with only about 10 people there, but we still had fun!
Good luck!
2007-12-28 18:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, this is not appropriate. People invited to the shower are typically invited to the wedding. If your sisters want to invite a bunch of old family friends, do it some other time.
2007-12-28 15:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by Peace 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You should only invite people to the shower that are going to be at the wedding. And you shouldn't even invite all the guests to the shower. Do not let them invite people who will not be invited to the wedding.
2007-12-29 04:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by sden2616 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have posted this question twice, in two separate categories. in the other question you state clearly that the ONLY people invited to a shower would be people NOT INVITED to the wedding.
so again i would suggest that the old family friends, [both genders], that won't be invited to the wedding be invited to an afternoon tea. both the bride and groom should be in attendance so that your guests will meet the happy couple.
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the invitations could read something to the effect of:
our wedding will only be witnessed by immediate family but we sincerely hope that you will join us in an afternoon tea to celebrate our upcoming marriage. we look forward to spending time with you and request you not bring gifts.
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good luck, happy wedding and have a great life!
2007-12-28 21:08:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally the shower is only for people who have been invited to the wedding. I never understood that myself, but that's what the etiquette books say...
Although, I've been invited to showers for brides who were having destination weddings. I never minded - it was nice to be included in the festivities. But, the Emily Posts of the world will surely disagree with this...
2007-12-28 15:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by exhaustedtraveler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's rude to invite someone to the shower who will not be invited to the wedding.
So it's the consequence of what your plans are for the wedding, which will dictate having a small shower.
2007-12-29 08:58:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No one should be invited to a wedding shower who will not be invited to the wedding reception. It is acceptable to have a small private wedding and not invite everyone to the wedding service, but anyone invited to the shower should be invited to the reception. All the etiquette books says so--no matter who hosts the shower!!! If your sisters are hosting a shower, they certainly know who is and is not invited to the reception. It implies that those invited are good enough to "shower the bride with gifts", but not attend the festivities.
2007-12-28 15:35:03 · answer #9 · answered by dbrcymry 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No. It's not appropriate to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. The whole purpose of a shower is to bring a gift for the bride and groom. How can you demand gifts and then not invite people to the wedding? The same rule goes for all the pre-wedding parties: showers, bachelor/bachelorette, engagement parties. How rude to say "bring me a gift, but you can't come to the wedding". You can't have your cake and eat it, too, so to speak. Have either a small wedding and a small (or no) shower, or a big shower with a big wedding.
2007-12-28 15:19:48 · answer #10 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
No. Not appropriate to be invited to a shower when not being invited to the reception.
It would be a nice thing to do but you can't call it a "shower" and expect gifts. It's tacky to say "gifts not necessary" because guests might infer they should be bringing them. I think if these people were invited by phone to attend an informal reception for you, say at a restaurant, because you are not having a large reception, they would be delighted to attend...or not...and bring a gift...or not. It could be done inexpensively having a small buffet or a picnic in your yard.
2007-12-28 16:07:05 · answer #11 · answered by rgm40 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋