I was talking to my fiance last night about when he has his bachelor party and requested that there aren't strippers. I'm having a bachelorette party with the girls, and I don't need naked men, or any men, so why should he want random naked women all over him. He says he can't promise anything because his best man is the planner and he may get wasted and who knows where they'll take him, besides "its the last time to do whatever you want" before marriage. I trust him with all my heart, thats one reason why we're getting married, but it still bothers me that he thinks he needs "a last time to do whatever he wants." Is this a normal feeling? I want the guys side and the girls if possible.
2007-12-28 07:08:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
From a girl:
My husband told me that he couldn't promise that they wouldn't go to a strip club because "that's what guys do" and he wasn't going to be the lame guy who says no to the strip club. I'm not dumb enough to think that they wouldn't all buy him dances, so I just let him know that it really bothered me and that the idea of him getting dances from other naked girls really hurt me. He said he understood, and that he promised to "behave" himself. He also understands that it will never happen again. I think a public strip club is actually better than a private stripper because clubs have rules against how close they can be to you (whether they follow the rules or not is another thing althogether). To answer your question, your feelings are normal. I felt the same way. The only thing about your situation that bothers me is that he said, "last time to do what he wants". so....its the last time he gets to cheat on you??? What is his definition of "do what he wants". You need to sit down and talk to him about what's okay and what's not, and i think you'll both need to compromise a little.
2007-12-28 07:14:17 · answer #1 · answered by Katie G 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Ok my answers are always different then most people's. This is what I would do...
First of all I would get clarification as to what "its the last time to do whatever you want" means. Typically speaking, I think that men stumble over there words, and that he probably didnt mean anything by that other then he should be able to see a girl dance in front of him, but you know, for peace of mind you need to find out what that means so there is not grey area.
Second, what exactly are you worried about? That he will cheat on you? If I were you then I would tell the best man that you will agree to the strippers at the bachlor party under one condition... You get to interview the strippers with him! Choose the girl that seems most professional. Or suggest to the best man that you would feel most comfortable if they just went to a strip club instead. (You can even tell him that financially this would be cheaper for him then hiring a private stripper because other guests can pay for lap dances,etc.) With all the bouncers and clients and undercover cops typically sex doesn't happen between strippers and guys that go to those clubs.
I also think another way to compromise is to ask your husband if one of your close guy friends or if a male family member of yours can go to the party. Please believe that NOTHING crazy is gonna happen with those strippers and your husband if you have a set of eyes on the situation. Good luck sweetie.
2007-12-28 08:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by Adee 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's normal for you to feel this way but very immature and wrong of him to think of it as his last time to do what he wants before getting married. Marriage, unfortunately, is not something that suddenly makes a person committed. By asking you to marry him and getting ready to be married he made a commitment to you and will be breaking that commitment by seeing strippers. Even if he doesn't have sex with them, he'll be looking at and thinking about other naked women. Does this sound like something a man should do ever, let alone right before his wedding? Is he really worth your trust? He's ready to get out there and do whatever he wants... it sounds like his attitude toward marriage is that once married you're tied down and serving a lifetime jail sentence. While marriage is strongly about commitment, it should be a good thing. He's not ready to get married if this is his attitude. He just wants to have all the fun he can without regard to your feelings or his promises. You need to have a serious discussion with him.
2007-12-28 11:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes, it is completely normal for a female to be bothered by this. I was the same way when i got married a couple months ago (fortunately my husband had the same beliefs i had and was against the whole stripper thing). There is no reason they must have something with a stripper....not all men do. i know quite a few guys who did not have strippers at their bachellor party and still had a blast. they can still get plastered and act goofy without some strange girls **** pressed in their face. lol. he shouldnt be looking at this as a last chance to do whatever he wants...thats not a good thing if he feels that way. If he has enough respect for you and for your feelings, he will tell his best man no strippers.
a lot of times if there are strippers involved they will single out the groom and things can get out of hand.
If he insists on strippers, and you are really against it, maybe see about having a joint bachelor/bachelorette party???
2007-12-28 07:27:04 · answer #4 · answered by AS100707 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
As long as its his last and there are no leftovers.
I believe if he loves and respects you, no worries. Of course the host of the party will want to be noted for putting together a "wild night" but that does not mean the bachelor has to indulge in every situation. So if you don't want to think he has was untrue, don't ask! I am sure you will be put in several situations at your bachelorette party. But if you want a trusting relationship, you should be able to talk about your night out without either one of you be upset with the other. After all that is the reason for these parties, isn't it.
2007-12-28 07:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by onehoneybear 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hell yeah its ok to feel worried about it, i know i did. But if he really Loves you he wont do anything even if he is really Drunk, You usually find that the Groom and best man fall out over bachelor partys because the best man wants to corrupt but the groom wants to commit.
Make a point of telling ur Guy how hurt you would be if he did make a drunken mistake but dont put pressure on him and dont tell him Not to do things cause 9 times outta 10 a Guy will rebel then.Thats Men for ya.
But im sure he Loves you and respects you and im sure he will be too busy thinking about how much he misses you all night.
*hug* Congrats babe
xxx
2007-12-28 07:19:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
I can understand how you must feel. However, I think it's just him flexing him freedom. Since, it's his last night to do something like this.. he probably wants to take advantage of it. That does not mean that he is going to do anything that he regrets. Also, I'm sure his friends aren't helping.. guys tend to encourage things like this. (No offense to the guys) I'm sure they are like, "Man we have to have strippers! What is a bachelor party without them?!" The only thing you can do is trust your man, and hope that he doesn't do anything that he will regret.
2007-12-28 07:33:24 · answer #7 · answered by HRiCHxO 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter whether it is normal or not, it indicates a lack of committment and concern for your feelings. If he says it is a last chance to do whatever he wants, then you better believe he will do whatever he can get away with. Bachelor parties are overrated and often result in hurt feelings, plus they are juvenile. Reminds me of a bunch of frat boys.
It is doubtful that a stripper will go further but there are no guarantees. He needs a serious reality check. Ask him if he wants to postpone the wedding until he is mature enough to have finished doing "whatever he wants".
2007-12-28 07:16:32 · answer #8 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
to me, the last time he could do what ever he wanted was before he started dating you! when people are in a relationship, that is a commitment also, not just being married. my fiance used to go to strip clubs before we met and i told him how i felt about that so he stopped. well, the first friday night i had to work he went to one, i told him that i won't tell him what to do, but we wouldn't be together if he chose to keep going. well he hasn't gone since and he knows that going to one or being around a stripper at all for a bachelor party is out of the question. and grooms do have a say to what they want to happen, all he has to do is tell his best man..no strippers!!!
2007-12-29 02:20:37 · answer #9 · answered by nytengayle13 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Reading the heading I thought he planned to go out and cheat on you, however now I have the full picture I think you are overreacting.
So what if he sees naked women? You said you trust him, but if it bothers you maybe that trust is not complete.
And you are right in that he doesn't NEED strippers, but then neither of you need a bachelor/ette party at all. Hell you don't even NEED a wedding.
I don't think he meant that 'last night to do whatever he wants' literally, maybe more as a last night to party as if he doesn't have the responsibility of a family, last night to let go before he chooses to settle down to a quieter life with you.
It is one night for boys to do boys things and I'm sure you will go out and enjoy yourself with your friends as well.
Try to let the worry go and trust your man.
2007-12-30 03:24:13 · answer #10 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋