Why do parents not realize?

Question

Hi, my name is Gretchen and I am 18 yrs old. I just wanted to share with all of the parents out there who are raising teens that we actually do care what you think of us. Yeah, I know we can be pretty cold and seem like whatever you say doesn't effect us, but that isn't the case. We act that way because we are scared as hell. We are in that freaky place called high school where we are desperately trying to fit-in and many times the only way to do so and not get hurt is to act like nothing is bothering us. If your teen is emo or goth (www.urbandictionary.com for those who may not know the full spectrum of those words) PLEASE do not be dissapointed in them. I may not be myself, but I have pleanty of friends who are, and they are the ones who care what their parents say the most. There are very few cases that I have seen in which when a parent insults or compliments their teen it does not effect them at all. So please keep that in mind when you speak to us. We do care, I promise.

Edit: I want to make sure that all parents reading this know that I am not attacking you in any way. I am sure that you are all fabulous parents and I am also sure you remember what it was like in high school. I just want to reiterate to you all that we do still want your approval even if we may not act like it. I am also not saying do not discipline for fear of hurting their feelings, goodness knows I have had my moments of testing if my mom to see if she really meant that was grounded or if I could talk my way out of it, just be sure to know that we do love you and we do care even when we are acting like we don't.

Answer 1

I do totally agree with what you are saying. I am 19 and when I was younger I cared so much about what my parents thought. I was a 'goth' and apart from liking the style I did it because everyone else was and I desperately wanted friends and to fit in. I have 2 kids now and when I fell pregnant with my first it didnt really bother me what anyone thought even though I was only 16 but when I fell pregnant with my 2nd (which def wasnt planned) I was so worried my family would be dissapointed in me because they thought one child was enough for my age. I think alot of teenagers try to seek their parents approval and if they dont get it off them then they try and seek it elsewhere. So they try and fit in with everyone. On the other hand though I think some teens need to realise that what their parents say or think sometimes isnt coz they are disappointed with them its because they are trying to look out for them. I never realised that until I had my children.

Answer 2

I have a daughter who is about to turn 19 and for the past 3 years, we have certainly been through some trials. It is because I remember what is was to be young. I raised 4 children, none of whom presented the same issues & challenges. I think all parents believe deep down that you care just like we do and that is why we work so hard to help our teens through a difficult time in their lives. Remember, children don't come with a handbook and no matter how much advise you can get from family, friends or even concerned others, the challenges of a teen can be painful and the answers are never as transparent as we would like. I understand what you are asking, but I can only say what was said to me, WAIT TILL YOU BECOME A PARENT!

Answer 3

If it makes you feel any better, some of us do remember how rough highschool was. I know my kids will care about what I think. As a parent its sometimes hard to remember that when the teen is doing everything they can to make your life hell. Been there, watched that, thankfully my mother survived. My eldest isn't a teen yet, so I have a few more years until that huge step in her life.

Answer 4

I agree with you 100%. And you're right a lot of parents don't realize it. My sister is what you would call "emo/goth" (she's 17) and after having many discussions with her I've come to the realization she only dresses and acts the way she does to get attention from our parents. Even negative attention is attention. She cares a lot what they think of her.

I cared at that age too, but instead of turning "goth" I pushed myself to get really good grades. Everybody wants attention, everybody cares about other people's opinions (even if they say otherwise). We just all have different ways of showing it.

Answer 5

Thats just it though. if we really cared about what our parents thought and respected them more then we wouldnt be getting into trouble in the first place. in the teen years we are right and parents are dumb. they are old and dont understand the situation. I always cared what my mother thought but i never let that come to mind as i drank that bottle of whiskey or ran out at night with some guy. Teens like to push their parents and see what they can get away with. it has nothing to do with us careing about what our parents think of us. its seeing who can control their parents better than the others. Yes hearing my mother say to my face she was disappointed in me hurt like hell but it didnt mean anything until i was older. Once i realized she was in my shoes once too and that she did have things to teach me. my mother was a person..imagen that. She is meant to be my mother, not my friend. i have plenty of friends. i needed someone to be the hand of reason in my life and she never failed to tell me the things my friends never had to courage to say to me. or they never cared enough about me to say.

and at 18 years old i hope youve stop acting like a preteen and finally talk to your parents. youd be suprised how much they do know about your life and how they do have advice to offer you. Be their daughter and you will find its not so bad having them as your parents. and this careing what they think of you dosent devlope until age 17 or so. can you honestly sit here and say at age 14 you cared one bit of what they thought fo you let alone had to say? i think not and if so then you arent a girl who breaks the rules to start with.

Answer 6

That's very insightful of you...I knew my children cared what I thought...they were exceptional children as well...we were very close...I remember what it was like in high school, and things have changed sooooo much, I don't envy you...thank you for sharing that though, I hope a lot of parents keep it in mind..

Answer 7

Well spoken. Were I your mother, I would be extremly proud of you for being insightful and empathic.

We as parents tend to forget that we too were once children and Teens and romantisize our highschool years..... we are scared our children will see that we were...
Geeks
Dorks
Bookworms
Preps
Outcasts
Jocks/Cheerleaders
Weeders aka Potheads
Partiers
Wannabes
Punk
Heavymetal
Social misfits

Admit it, everyone falls into one of those definations :p


So from a mother who hopes that her daughter will be just as insightful as you...THANKYOU and keep being smart and beautiful.

Answer 8

i don't think parents think their kids don't care. i think, though, that kids need to realize parents know more than they do and that the world is bigger than high school.

Answer 9

We used to be teenagers too, u know? we were not born this way

Answer 10

tell it sister!