Was this rude?

Question

My daughter had a birthday, and we bought her this cute little dress($20 dollars) there were 4 styles. One of the grandmas asked what she wanted for her birthday, and i told her she wanted the other dresses, she said okay that they were in the price range that she spents on the kids, and when could we go with her to get it. So when went to the store and the grandma said that she wasn't going to buy that because it was " to dressy" . Do you think that it was rude of her to say she would buy it and then change her mind?

Was daughter excited to get it, and then ended up spending the rest of the afternoon crying cause she didn't.

my daughter is 5 so i think it is understandable that she was upset. But , thanks for your opinions

Answer 1

I don't see why grandma wouldn't buy it, since it wasn't expensive and the little girl wanted it. But, some people are funny like that.

Answer 2

Well, I don't know about rude (just because nobody is obliged to give somebody a gift - it's something that should be done freely), but it certainly wasn't right. Grandma should have gone to the store and looked at it herself and decided whether she wanted to buy it without your daughter being there - that way, your daughter would have never known that her receiving or not receiving the dress was an option until she had it in hand.

Next time, you should just recommend Grandma give her a gift certificate when she asks what to buy.

THAT BEING SAID, it is likewise not acceptable that your daughter spent the afternoon crying because she didn't get her way. This would have been an excellent time to teach her that gifts are not owed. And the fact that you're asking the question at all - looking for support of your/ her position - implies that you're condoning your daughter's unacceptable behavior.

EDIT: OK, a five-year-old is pretty hard to reason with, and it might be too hard to explain concepts like "nobody owes you presents," too. Just try to do your best to shield her from situations like this in the future - now that you know grandma's M.O., try to steer around this. And when your daughter's a little older, the concept of it's-better-to-give-than-to-receive is still a good one to teach her. ; )

Answer 3

First, the fact that your daughter spent all afternoon crying because she only received one colour of the dress that came in four colours is an issue in my opinion. My boss at work has a great system -- at birthdays and holidays, for every gift her children get, they must give five toys or stuffed animals or books, etc. away to charity. I think its a great idea, and have put it into use with my own daughter. I hope to use this (in part) to teach her that there is more to life than material things.

Second, while the Grandma should have some say in the gift she buys, it is in poor taste to pick out something that she likes that she knows your daughter will not like just because she thinks your daughter should have it. That being said, what is done is done, and at this point your daughter should just say thank you or write a thank you note for the "dressy" dress. If your daughter really hates it and won't wear it, either exchange it or give it to charity.

EDIT: Absolutely true, it was out of line for Grandma to get your daughter's hopes up and dash them once they got to the store. She should have never made a promise that she wasn't willing to follow through on. I still think it is possible to have a discussion with a five year old about this though, just tailored to an age-appropriate level.

Answer 4

I think its extremely rude to tell a little girl you would like to buy them something in the 20$ price range (not bad) and then change your mind once you see it. Grandma's opinion of it being too dressy does not matter, it is a gift you promised to get. Tell Grandma to leave her opinions at the door!

Answer 5

I agree with the person above me (lilith) who said the issue with her crying all afternoon is ridiculous. However, she didn't fully understand why she was crying, which I DO understand. The girl's grandma took her to the store, telling her she was going to buy her the dress she wanted, then when grandma saw it and didn't like it, she didn't buy it for her. Basically, she got the girl's hopes up, then crushed them. YES, it was rude and thoughtless of grandma to crush her hopes like that.

Answer 6

It was impolite of the grandma to say it that way. She could have found another polite excuse not to buy the dress.
However, it is the grandma's money and it is their choice whether or not to buy anything and if they do buy something for a gift, it is usually up to them on what they choose to buy. Even if the gift is tacky and useless.
For me, if someone got me a tacky gift, I try to make use of it. If I couldn't somehow use the gift, I would just donate it to a thrift store so it wouldn't clutter my house.

Answer 7

Yes and judgemental too. What a nice thing for this child to remember about her grandmother.

Remember though, children are very self centered and will be until they are close to 30.......are you still in this age group? Hopefully you are mature enough to deflect your child's disappointment by saying, "Grandma thought the dress you have is the very best."

Answer 8

Its your child's birthday and yes it was rude. If that's what the child wanted and was in the given price range, she was wrong to refuse to buy the dress.

Answer 9

Gifts are supposed to be a joy to get and give. Grandma has to learn to curb her tongue and allow her granddaughter to make choices! She should have given you the $20 and you should have taken your daughter alone!!

Answer 10

That was rude. If she wanted to give your daughter what your daughter wanted, then what she liked shouldn't have entered into it. If she wanted to give her what she wanted her to have, then she shouldn't have asked you what your daughter wanted.
Even worse, she has now taught your daughter that grandma doesn't keep her word.