My "number" is way higher than I'm comfortable with. I look and act pretty innocent, and my boyfriend probably thinks I'm a lot more innocent than I actually am. We haven't had the talk about our pasts yet, but I dread the day when it happens, because I don't want him to think less of me. Should I lie about it? I mean... what's in the past is in the past, right? Or... tell him the truth and explain that I'm not like that anymore?
2007-12-28 05:44:36 · 94 answers · asked by kiki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT UNSAID, TRUST ME!
2007-12-28 05:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by PEARLGURL68 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
The best thing to do is not lie. Lying never has any place in a relationship. What you should do is be honest by telling him you're really not comfortable talking about this issue. If this man has any sense, he will take the high road, and let it go because the past cannot be changed, and in the end, it really doesn't matter.
2007-12-28 05:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by thestockoholic 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alright, no matter what you choose to do, you may hurt his feelings. My hubby knows I am more experienced than him, but he has no idea how many and he doesn't want to know. Luckily, I am good with that decision.
Some things you really should be honest about, but some things are really better left unsaid. Don't ask him how many, and if he ever asks you how many, just respond in what ever way feels most natural at that time. My hubby has never asked and has gone as far as to tell me he really doesn't want to know. If your guy ever brings it up, tell him you just are not interested. Or, just say, "Is there something particular that you SHOULD tell me, because if there isn't I really don't want to know."
People do crazy things along the way in life and sex partners is often one of those crazy things, but worse than that is sharing the intimate details of your past sex life, unless you have contracted something from a previous partner.
I am a firm believer that the past is just that, the past. You can't change it, but you can plan for a better future. So, unless you have something that won't go away, just don't share.
2007-12-28 05:56:40 · answer #3 · answered by bells2599 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe that lying is ever the answer, but you don't need to be all-out honest either. The fact is that it's none of his business. If he asks and insists on knowing how many, ask him why it's important for him to know. "Just wanting to know" isn't good enough. If he wants to make sure you are STD-free, then you should offer to get tested (which is a stellar idea anyway). You could multiply your number by a factor of 2, 3, 4, whatever, and say something like, "What if it was 75? How would you feel about that?"
My standard answer has always been, "More than one and fewer than a hundred. I'm not a virgin and I'm not promiscuous. What matters is that since I've been with you, my 'magic number' has remained steady, and that's all that is important."
2007-12-28 05:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by Elizabeth 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is not ok if you plan on having sex with him to lie about how many partners you have had... you can however mention you would prefer not to talk about how many because ur a bit embarassed and explain ur not liek that anymore.
The reason why its wrong to lie about it is because if you so choose to have sexual relations with him he deserves to know, and because of it he might have u get tested as you should and he should as well *if hes not a vergin*
Without getting tested you might be passing a deadly disease on and really hate yourself for it...if you are close enough he should understand, especially if he wants sex.
Its always better to tell the truth in the area of sex with your partner.... no matter how painful it is to tell. telling can also strengthen your relationship because u were honest, if he found out later he might not be forgiving.
Good luck dahling
2007-12-28 05:55:22 · answer #5 · answered by Katy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mine is also higher than I would like to admit, but I always tell the truth, with an added justification, "I was a little crazier when I was 18..." And it's all relative to your age anyway. If you're 13 with a record of 25 that's scary, but if you're 25 with 16, that's only 2 a year if you started at 18!
2007-12-28 05:50:33 · answer #6 · answered by gregarious 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Real tough question. It all depends, is there any chance that he will find out about it from other guys? A friend of a friend, or even a friend of an enemy?
If he has the slightest chance of finding out, then you are better off telling him about it. It is better to find out from you, than to hear it from someone else. He will try to defend you, I'm sure, but then when he finds out the truth, he will feel like a fool.
I would tell him, in a heart to heart talk, and let the chips fall where they may. If he loves you, then it won't matter. Like you said, What's past, is past.
2007-12-28 05:51:17 · answer #7 · answered by Fordman 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be honest with this, otherwise you'll tell yourself it's ok to lie about something else and it will just get worse. Even if you were a hooker in the past, that was past. Better to find out now, if he'll accept you than for him to find out from someone else later that you lied. Then he'll think you lied about other stuff.
Lisa
2007-12-28 05:56:13 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa believes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him the truth.
Better that he know up front rather than discover the lie later on in the relationship.
How he reacts to this news will also be a good indicator of whether he's a keeper or not.
Personally, it wouldn't bother me. Indeed, the past is the past, but I would insist we both go in for STD exams.
2007-12-28 05:48:36 · answer #9 · answered by Goth Skunk 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT lie, but that doesn't mean you have to reveal all your sexual history to a boy friend, if it was a fiance or husband then that might be different. As long as you are disease free, then I would simply say you have been with other boys but do not wish to discuss them. If he judges you by your sexual past then he is not the boy/man for you. Remember that NO male would have a sexual history without women having one also, so they are as guilty as you for experimenting. There is no scale saying that after 3 different partners you are a Ho, or say 20 partners qualify you as a sl*t. You may not be proud of your past, but it is the PAST.
2007-12-28 05:54:13 · answer #10 · answered by canuck1950 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost you should appreciate the fact that appearing to be innocent implies that you are hiding something that you find to be guilty. Your past is your past and people disregard the importance of cultivating a healthy sexual identity. It is every bit as integral as any other part of an adult relationship, the variances being the decisions as to when and how we develop said identity. Your conflict should, therefore, not be whether or not you should lie to your boyfriend about your past, but whether or not your boyfriend is capable of accepting your past as a key era of your development and embrace it for all its merits and shadows.
In short, lying about your past is less about him and more about you. Be proud of your mistakes. If you can't pull yourself that far, at least learn from them.
2007-12-28 05:53:51 · answer #11 · answered by Trav 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋