Am I wrong to feel so sad about having only one child?

Question

I gave birth to my son 6 months ago--a miracle child primarily because at 39, I wasn't sure if I would ever have a child. My doctor told me that this guy would be it because of complications and other health related issues. He is such a blessing!

The thing is that my sister-in-law and my brother are trying to have a second child. My other brother and his wife have 2 children as well. Though I am hopeful for my sister-in-law to get pregnant and have a sibling for my niece, there is a part of me that is jealous that they may be able to have another child. I feel bad that I feel this way. I know I should feel blessed that I could have at least 1 child because so many women can't even have that.

Is this a normal thing for a woman with one child to feel this way--this longing for another child? I feel so conflicted--sad about the not having another child thing --and then shameful that I'm even thinking this way to begin with. Any insights?

Answer 1

sweetheat , why are you sad ?
you have one lovely child , be proud of it and give it all your love.

i have one son who misses for nothing in love from both of us.

Answer 2

You may be feeling a little bit competitive. And you want the high that comes from bringing a life into the world. But if there is room in your heart and your home for another child, why not adopt someone who is waiting for a home? There are many "imperfect" children out there who need nothing more than a family to call their own.

I have a friend who adopted 3 children - a brother and sister who had been abused, and an autistic boy. They're all thriving in ways they never could have if they'd stayed in foster care.
.

Answer 3

You are normal to feel this way. A friend of mine had a miracle daughter, then due to health reasons had to have a full hysterectomy. She went through a lot of the same things you are describing. Just remember at the end of the day to count the blessings you do have. A child is such a blessing, even if its just one child. So many people out there don't even get that chance to have their own child at all.

Answer 4

You shouldn't feel sad unless you actually want another child. You're not wrong for only WANTING one child, if that's what you mean.

There are good and bad points about having one child and having multiple children, for both the parents and the children.

I think you may be experiencing a little jealousy because your sister-in-law is getting quite a bit of attention, and will continue to get this attention for most of next year if she does get pregnant. It's something new that someone else is experiencing, and it's natural to feel a bit jealous.

I also think it's a sign that you love your child very much. The thought of another baby bringing you that joy again is also understandable.

Answer 5

I told my mom when I was 12 that I would only have one and I had her at age 34. But I know many women that feel the way you do. Just love the child you have. You may consider adopting.

Perhaps it is all the people around you wanting more children that have you wishing you could join them.

My daughter never once complained of being an only child. I connected with several other families that had one daughter about the same age and we did a lot of things together. When we went on a long trip to a funeral, we took one of the girls along to keep our daughter happy. We had lots of sleep overs and joint vacations.

Count the blessings you have!

Answer 6

It's normal. Don't feel ashamed to want other children.
There are other options for you as well. Adoption is an option. There are many children without families.
In the states and out of the states.
But if you only have one child and no other, it's OK to be sad at times when you see family or even strangers with baby's. Just remind yourself that you are blessed to have the child that you have.

Answer 7

I think it is completley normal to want more children- especially if you are told you can't have more. I think that a good option for you would be to look into adopting- yes it's not the same as carrying the child, but your son will have siblings....and it sounds like you just love kids to begin with, so just be extremley active in your son's life- birthday parties, sports, activities at church, volunteering at school, things like that will help fill the void of not having more children. Especially if you help at school- all those children will become like your own! (but you get to send them home at the end of the school day!) Yes it is normal to be depressed about your situation, but don't let it get you so down you miss out on your son growing up. If it does get so bad that you can't make it through the days without dwelling on it, you might want to seek counseling. Congratulations on your new baby!

Answer 8

I think it's totally normal. Your feelings of wanting another child are probably heighened by the fact that you probably can't have anymore. Besides your hormones are still going crazy. You should definitely feel blessed for the one that you do have. Your baby is still so new. Enjoy him first!
Who knows, after seeing what it is like to raise a child you might change your mind!
Have you ever considered adoption? I have 2 children of my own and I want to adopt a third. I am still able to have kids but I feel like there is a child out there who needs me more than having another one of my own!

Answer 9

first off, don't feel ashamed of the feelings you have about your sister-in-law getting pregnant again. feelings aren't right or wrong... it's just how you feel, and you can't change that. secondly, i think longing for another child is completely normal. i've heard that women in general just KNOW whether they want to have more kids or whether they're "done." i'm sorry that you weren't quite finished and that you're going to have that sinking feeling for the rest of your life... but if you really CAN'T have another baby, you really ought to just try to put all those feelings in the back of your mind and not dwell on them. try to keep things in perspective; you have a BEAUTIFUL baby son and that is SUCH an amazing gift!!! and he has cousins to play with, and you have nieces and nephews to love... be thankful for the children you DO have in your life:-)
good luck to you, and i hope you feel better. <3

Answer 10

Tho neither of us needs a pity party, I will let you know that I have not had an opportunity to have any children, and at 43, will most likely not experience this in my lifetime.

Is it a bit sad? Of course. Jealous of friends' life who have children? sometimes. It's human. It just proves you are a loving, emotional woman with a nurturing character.

You may want to consider adoption. If you were to do a small amount of research, you would see how devastating the orphan situation is in our own country (regardless of the awful situations abroad).

So many children, of all ages and backgrounds, are without someone to love them. They are not all "inner city crack babies". Some of these kids' parents are deceased, some parents are incarcerated, some were abandoned....all kinds of reasons. You may be lucky enough to find a child who desperately needs your love, and would be a wonderful addition to your family.

Please don't be sad. Consider your blessings without guilt, and look at some other ways to share your love.

Good luck.

Answer 11

So have more. Just because you cannot carry another child doesn't mean you cannot foster or adopt once your son is a bit older. It sounds like you want more children very badly. Don't deprive yourself just because your body pooped out on you.

My husband had a vasectomy after the 3rd kid. I still wanted another badly. He had the reversal and I'm preggy again, but if he hadn't, I'd be pressing him to adopt. If you want a child that badly, get one. You had a wonderful gift with your son. Think of how much good you can do by adopting a child and bringing it into your life. Your chances of motherhood aren't over, they've just changed.