is this being unreasonable?

Question

is my dad being unreasonable? i live with both my parents. my best friend invited me to go with her to ottawa thats only 3 hours away by drive for 3 days on new years eve. we're taking a bus there and staying in a hotel. im 18 years old turning 19 in 2 months. my mom said its okay but my dad said that bad things happen on new years eve and that i cant go. i said he could talk to her parents about the trip but he still says no. i said he could have the number for the hotel if he wants to get in contact with me but he still doubts. every year at my house on new years eve we always do the same thing..stay home and watch a movie and he says we should do the same. he says i cant even go out to a party my friend is having cuz bad things happen on new years eve. he says he trusts me but he just doesnt trust the people out there. and just the other day he said to me "why cant u grow up?".ggrrrrrr im sssoooo mad i really wanna go on the trip what do i do? advice please!

i know he cares for me a lot i know that but how does he expect me to grow up like he wants me to if he wont even let me go on the trip or go to any parties? i jus dont get it help!

Answer 1

Its sounds a bit unreasonable. Perhaps you should find out exactly what these "bad things" are that he is so afraid of and address them rationally and with great respect towards his feelings. Have you ever done anything that might make him feel like he cannot trust you?

Answer 2

You're father is right when he said that bad things happen on New Year's Eve. I'm going to tell you a story about what happened to me when I was 18 going on 19.
I was a freshman in college (living at home), and our school made it to the Orange Bowl in Miami. A friend of mine had 4 tickets. He said I could have the ticket. I just had to pay one fourth of the gas and hotel. My dad wouldn't let me go, and I remember thinking how much I hated him for denying me this once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well that year, the night of the Orange Bowl, one block away from the stadium, riots broke out in the streets of Miami. Many tourists were caught in the cross fire and wounded, some killed. As we were watching the events unfold on the news, my dad said, "What would you do if you were over there right now?" I said, "I don't know" because I did not have an answer. He said,"That's why I didn't want you to go. You're not mature enough yet to get yourself out of trouble when you're hundreds of miles away from home."

I'm not saying that something bad WILL happen, only that something bad CAN happen, and you may not know how to handle it. I think you dad is right.

Trust me. I've been where you are.

Answer 3

Well, I can understand your Dad's point of view, he sounds like he's just protecting you and him from anything happening to you!!! It's different when you have kids. On the other hand, you are 18 and that makes you a legal adult, You need to see things from his point and he needs to see things from your point of view. Try explaining to him that you are an adult and you wish to be treated as an adult. The way it sounds you are still living at home and it's common that if a parent is taking care of an adult financially they do have some say so as far as that persons extracurricular activities. So keep in mind that if your parents are paying your way still, then you should show them some respect in the fact that they run their household the way they choose, and when your out on your own and paying your way then you can come and go as please....it's kind of complicated. One of the draw backs of living under your parents roof when your of legal age....

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You need to just talk to him about this! Try compromising with him, ask him if you can go on this trip and in return you will get a job and start helping out, ask him to go with you, or your Mom, there is probably a reason he is so hesitant to let you go, have you done anything to make him feel your not responsible enough to go? Some things you need to consider, we can give you advice, but in the end it's up to your Dad!!!

Answer 4

You are 18 so it is your choice. If you are living with them then yes it is good to abide by their rules if you don't want conflict. And yes, they probably have your best interests at heart. But if you haven't given them any reason to distrust them, and you can be mature, then I think they should re-consider this. It could be they just can't accept you are growing up and can't always do the family tradition with them. I would discuss it with them. As you are an adult they should have a sensible discussion where a compromise can be reached. If they refuse to have such a discussion then I think they are being unreasonable and you either have to put up with it or move out.

Answer 5

didn't see the previous q, but i'm going to join the ranks and tell you that if you're living in your parents' house, you'll have to follow what they say. it's hard when they disagree between themselves though. but they look at things differently. dad is looking at it as how he thinks guys might be looking at you; mom knows you can take care of yourself (well, dad knows that too, he's just trying to protect you). and maybe he knows about something that happened to someone he knew at a new yr's eve party or something.

you could try going ahead and asking your friend's dad to call your dad, but in the end, if he says 'no', sorry but you can't go, unless you want to cause further trouble by going against him.

Answer 6

Are you in college yet? If so, I think you should be able to reason with your dad. If you're still in high school, I understand why he won't let you go. I'm pretty sure my dad would have said no to a 3 day trip on New Years Eve. He knows drinking will go on. As my dad always said to me, "Do you think I fell off the turnup truck yesterday?" ...meaning, "I'm not dumb."

Answer 7

Part of growing up is learning to accept rules even if they seem unreasonalbe. And now you are acting a little childish.

I wouldn't allow my 18 yr old son or daughter to go either. NYE is the busiest night of the year in emergency rooms.

So if you find the usual family routine boring, think up something different you can do as a family.

Answer 8

if you still live in your dad's house, then you still have to live by his rules. sorry hun! maybe this year you can work really hard and come up with a plan for getting out there on your own, and then when new years rolls around, your going out won't even be an issue. for now, maybe you can get your mom to reason with him? and if not, maybe you can weigh the benefits of sneaking off and going anyway with the repercussions you'll have to deal with once you come home again. maybe it would be worth it? whatever you do, have fun and be safe. good luck!

Answer 9

How old are you? My guess would be that your not 18 and even with that most parents go by "if you live in MY house You obey My rules!" BUt I would agree with your father if you are nowhere near 18. You really don't want to experience th e things he's trying to protect you from!

Answer 10

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