I have recently become engaged and have become very stressed already thinking of wedding plans. I am friends with my supervisor at work, but not great friends. She is always talking about how I am one of the best friends she has ever had, but I don't feel the same bond towards her. We don't hang out much outside of work, just occasionally afterwards. When I announced I was engaged at work then she automatically started going into wedding mode and is talking about how she is going to be a bridesmaid. She was laughing this morning telling me how her mother had told her it was rude to assume she was going to be asked and then said her reply to her mother was "Of course I'm going to be, heads would roll if I wasn't, I don't want to have to hurt somebody". I want a large wedding party so my fiancee can include all his close friends and our male family members, but I don't have enough female family only to make it just a family thing.
2007-12-28 03:09:59 · 14 answers · asked by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would like to invite a close friend who is also a coworker to be my MOH, but how can I do that without asking this women who is just assuming I would want her to do it? I do like my job...Sorry so long, I'm freaking out a bit.
2007-12-28 03:11:02 · update #1
Well she can't fire you for not asking her to be a bridesmaid but if she isn't a nice person she could make life a living hell...however it is your wedding and you never know what will happen between now and the wedding. You may switch jobs or she might switch jobs. I like the advice others are posing.
It is rude for her to assume on her part. You should probably tell her soon so she can get it out of her head. Tell her on a friday afternoon so she can chill over the weekend and forget about it. Just say that you value her friendship and you look forward to her attending the wedding (as a guest) but you have already selected your bridesmaids. Good luck
2007-12-28 10:08:42 · answer #1 · answered by laaquisha 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say "oh I've already picked out and asked who I wanted to be in my wedding party" or "My girls and I are so excited to go shopping for our dresses", i.e. not including her in those statements.
You don't need to tell anyone they are not going to be a bridesmaid. They will find out when they receive an invitation IF they get invited.
Did anyone hear the "heads will roll" comment? If so, make sure they take note of that and if something goes on at work because you didn't ask her, you can take proper measures with reporting her.
2007-12-28 12:18:22 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your supervisor is a little off. What makes your situation extra tricky is that you want to ask another coworker to be your MOH. First of all, you should do what you want for your wedding and don't let this woman convince you otherwise. It's not your fault she doesn't have any real friends.
Be very tactful when you tell her. Tell her that you think of her as a friend, but you simply can't afford to ask anyone else to stand up at your wedding. Let her know that you think she will be an invaluable planning resource to you and ask her if she would like to help your coordinate certain parts of your wedding. Good luck!
2007-12-28 11:24:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
oh my goodness I can not believe this woman said that! Like she threatened your job or something if she's NOT a bridesmaid?? Just from that comment I dont even see how you would get out of not asking her, she would become a serious ***** to you at work and make your work life miserable!
Now I'm not trying to say that you have to let her be in the wedding I am pretty much just appalled that someone would assume she was in YOUR wedding! If you do end up using her in your wedding stick her in the back of the line!
2007-12-28 12:22:55 · answer #4 · answered by Miss October 03 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a very sticky situation. I think I would be inclined to let her be a bridesmaid. But if you're set on not having her, there is one way to handle it.
Normally, I would say to be honest with her. But since she's your supervisor, this situation should be handled alot more carefully.
You should sit her down and tell her that while you really want her to be a bridesmaid, you really need her help planning the wedding. Then find little tasks and assignments she can do for the event. At the wedding, have her helping out. This will make her feel like she's even more important than the bridesmaids, and she won't be jilted.
***EDIT***
After noticing the comment she made, "heads will roll," I think you need to have a talk with your human resource manager. Tell her your supervisor has crossing the line of professionalism and you need the situation to be handled legally.
2007-12-28 11:32:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I'd be freaking out also.....
She is assuming, and you shouldnt feel responsible for the way other people feel. Just keep in mind that is YOUR DAY and you can do whatever you want.
I know sometimes is complicated because you wanna make everybody happy, but thats impossible.
Since you work with this person why dont you tell her that your fiancee is gonna pick your bridesmaid and that you are gonna pick his grooms men?
Or that you want too many possible bridesmaids and that you are gonna have to do a lottery and see who gets pick?
or that is a family tradition you just found out that your bridesmaid have to be part of your family?
I know you dont wanna be rude, but if you dont want her there, you dont want her there.
Good luck! I hope all work out fine =)
2007-12-28 11:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by ahmoce1 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
oh man, this situation sucks...you should tell her you haven't made up your mind yet about who are going to be the bridesmaids yet...after all it is your decision...
you seriously can't just make her a bridesmaid because she assumes she will be...that is kinda stupid for her to assume that in the first place...my cousin had a baby and her sister asked her to be the godmother and so did her best friend...why do people assume stuff like this...?
you either just need to be straight up with her about who the bridesmaid are going to be...or I guess you could kinda just blow off talking to her about it and just plan your wedding the way you want...
2007-12-28 11:33:26 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Eyes 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How about not having a MOH? My SIL didn't have one because she has two sisters and that would not be a good thing to do. If you need bodies to make up for the amount your fiance' is going to have, why not include her?? Also, you can pretty much sue her a** for saying that "heads are going to roll" if she isn't involved in your wedding. Just a thought.
2007-12-28 11:51:25 · answer #8 · answered by jessiekarma 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
ja ja ja i like what hannah ba.. said. well its your weddding and you can put who you want to be your bridesmaid. and invite your coworker as a guest. dont worry if she gets weird with you because you didnt have her as a brides madi that means she is not sucha good person. try to put mainly family as bridesamids, like cousins. remeber its YOUR WEDDING.
2007-12-28 11:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by just me 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her just don't ever ask her. I think she is rude to assume she is in it. She will get over it.
2007-12-29 14:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by ஐ♥Vanessa♥ஐ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋