Or do you think it’s worth forgiving? Ex: You & your spouse get into an argument, & he uses something negative against you & throws it in your face. Like if he throws one of your weaknesses/flaws in your face. Does that deserve to be forgiven?
2007-12-28 02:47:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It deserves to be forgiven, being that in order to mend the relationship, that is a process that will have to take place. However, exploiting a flaw is a set back in a relationship because it breaks trust, which forgiveness doesn't necessarily mend, it takes more work then that to mend. If something is used against you like that, it will take multiple forgiving ACTIONS to neutralize what your partner had said.
2007-12-28 02:57:43 · answer #1 · answered by jasonmluna2 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will never forget that he threw those things and hurtful words back at you. And I'm sure now, every time you have an argument, you'll be waiting for him to hit below the belt. Men who use hurtful things like that just to win an argument, are insecure and are trying to push the hurt off on you, and will use these low blows to hurt you more.
2007-12-28 03:05:26 · answer #2 · answered by Janice Dickinsons' Shrink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't "take back" hurtful words - you've said them and they are out there. But you can try to fix them - repent and apologize and not stoop to such petty fighting again.
Yes, your spouse has the right to bring up any flaws or weaknesses of yours that bother him. ("You need to stop drinking so much.")
But it's not okay to use them as an insult or a diversion ("you can't blame me for cheating because you're a drunk and that's worse! nyah!")
So forget about who's right and who's wrong and who's winning/losing the argument. Focus on solving the problems. Seek marital counseling.
2007-12-28 04:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said two different things. Once something is said, you can't take it back. But that doesn't mean it can't be forgiven. One of the wonderful things about love though is that you have to be able to forgive a person. Also think about it this way, though you may not want too. Did he say anything untrue?
2007-12-28 02:52:05 · answer #4 · answered by jenisilly80 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It depends on what the thing is that he threw back in your face. I suggest couples counseling, and when the counselor asks why you're there in the first session, tell him you two need to learn to argue constructively. Digging up issues from the past or personal flaws (what, thighs? midnight eating? snoring?) isn't fair or constructive. But it can be forgiven if he's willing to learn a better strategy for disagreement.
2007-12-28 03:23:22 · answer #5 · answered by vintner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Words, once spoken, cannot be unspoken.
However, forgiveness can be healing for you, if not for anyone else. It's a large burden to carry around bitterness, anger or hate.
If he continually recites your flaws, etc., I'd make a list of his flaws and recite them to him. No one is perfect, and if you are trying to do your best, it's not helping you to be reminded of past mistakes, etc.
2007-12-28 02:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by nowyouknow 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Words can never be taken back. Once said, the damage is done. One can only apologize for the words and make an attempt to repair the damage that has been done.
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2007-12-28 03:01:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it can be taken back anymore because what is said is said. the only thing one can do is make up for it.
2007-12-28 02:52:16 · answer #8 · answered by skittles77 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that the wife should make it clear to the husband that what he said was hurtful and she did not appreciate the remark. Once that is said then forgive and forget.
2007-12-28 02:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by Badkitty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the world goes thru a circle, a time to be hurt, a time to forgive and a time to be healed. yes until we forgive we can't be healed of the hurts
2007-12-28 03:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by jus wanna know 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋