when you try to do somethng nice for someone why does it backfire?

Question

Yesterday my husband and I were sweeping the verandah of our home and a man came up to us and said his wife had fallen and needed somewhere to change clothes. My husband volunteered our home. We have an 1890's home that is furnished in antiques and collectibles.

I showed this lady to the bathroom, as she had mud on her one foot and also her bottom. I gave her a fresh towel and washcloth and told her to go ahead and shower if need be. She said "No that won't be necessary I just need to get the mud off of my foot".

After she came out of the bathroom and she and her husband left, I went into the bathroom, and it was absolutely filthy. There was mud everywhere -- all over my carpet, all over the sink and even on the wall. It looked like there was more mud than had ever been on her foot.

It took me about ten minutes to clean it all and I had to scrub the carpet.

Needless to say I was miffed to say the least. Why, when you try to do something nice for someone,

does it come back to bite you. Am I wrong to be upset about this or am I just being petty?

What would you have done if you had been the person who needed a place to change clothes? What about if you were in my place? Let me explain that I am disabled with a heart condition, so cleaning up this mess took a lot out of me.

Before I choose a correct answer, let me just say several things
First, we expected nothing in return for trying to help this couple -- they were slightly older than my husband and me.
Second, Tasmania is nothing like the US, here people open their homes to help others without the fear of something terrible happening. Tassie has some wonderful people. Any person in Tassie would have done exactly the same thing. We help one another here.
Third the group that answered my question have been brutal in their remarks and comments and I feel have been tainted by US society and are full of distrust.
Fourth most of you manage to convey that I was in the wrong and should have been expected to clean up after this woman. How would you have felt if you had to clean up after someone who made a mess in your home. Most who answered that way were men who probably have women cleaning up after them.
Fifth not only one of you recognized our kindness for being just that an act of kindness.

Gees thanks one and all. One thing is for certain, if most of you came and ask me to use my bathroom, I would direct you down the road to a gas station and slam the door in your face.

Answer 1

No you have a right to be upset. The uncooth woman should have had the decency to cleanup after herself! People just don't have respect any more....GGGGRRRRRR!!!

I know where you are coming from. A man came in to my store and went to the bathroom, and wet everything down! Guess had to clean it up? I think I need to start checking the restroom right after they are done and if it is left nasty, make them clean it up. I own my own business.

I beleive what I read once, out of all the world, Humans are the nastiest and most filthy inhabitants.

Answer 2

Never ever let strangers into your house. Learn to be upfront, and say that firmly when people who are strangers ask. Directing them to the nearest public restroom, gas station, whatever would have been the thing to do, and the safest. Anyone asking for more than a towel or somehthing to scrape the mud off would have been suspect to me, who would ask to go in someone's house to get mud off? She could have scraped the mud off in the yard, all she needed is a clean spot to put her foot, and something to lean against, and a sharp implement. Gee, my Mom kept a old knife in the drawer for just such weird problems. Didn't she even offer to use the vacuum to clean up, or apologize?
I'm sorry to say, but people take advantage of, and prey on people who are disabled. You could well have been a target, and now been explaining things to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, instead of us here on Yahoo!
Were they tourists? Locals?
Be careful, we all want to help and be nice and charitable. We know in our hearts it could be us out there, needing help, and no one will take the time for us. Take time to think of an alternate solution to anyone coming into your house.
And yes, we have all been there that we do something kind and generous, only to be made to feel like we got slapped for doing something nice. Don't feel bad about those feelings.
My Dad once helped deliver food baskets at the holidays to the poor. He quit, he saw so much ungrateful, wasteful behavior, one family had a metal garbage can in the middle of the living room, and surrounded by food baskets, were throwing cans away. When asked why, they declare, "we don't like those". Never a thought to pass it on to someone less fortunate, or tell the man on the doorstep, look, go give these to someone else, the kids won't eat these, don't want to waste. My Dad, born in 1919, survived the depression and those he had to leave behind when he answered the call to arms 7 days after Pearl Harbor survived WWll rationing. Those food basket people could have cursed and thrown the food at him, and it would not have bothered him as much as throwing food away did.
Oh, dear, do be careful!

Answer 3

You knew she was muddy before you offered your bathroom, yes?

Were your expectations to "get" something from being nice? If so, karma will get you every time.

I'd say you're overreacting and you need to focus more on the fact that you opened your home to a couple in need and your part in the gift you gave them was to also clean up after their visit.

Life is too short to be so upset over 10 minutes of clean-up time.

Answer 4

They were thoughtless not to clean up after themselves. At the least the man should have offered to help with the clean up.

Some people have no regard for others, and I think they were in the wrong.

I think maybe you should have given them the towel or something else to wipe the mud off with, BEFORE she set foot in your house. That way, your job would have been much easier.

Answer 5

Had I been that woman, I would NEVER left your bathroom muddy!

Why didn't your husband clean the bathroom, since you are disabled with a heart condition and he was the one who offered your home to this couple in the first place?

Answer 6

Not sure what I would have done...
I don't think I would have let them in...I would have let her change in my Garage or said there is a gas station down the road...I am all about helping people and paying it forward however letting strangers into my home is a bit scary.
if I would have let them in my home I would have known that I would have a mess to clean up so I guess I wouldn't complain about it...I would simply clean it up.

Answer 7

This is a good lesson for you - In the future, you know you should be more careful, you are nice to others, the other people might not care about you.
Besides, you have physical limitations, you should not get involved in something that may get you involved, as a result, cause you any problems. Be kind to others is good, but to protect yourself is the number one thing to think of.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel. I invite people over to our house for dinner because it's nice to have people over sometimes I spend time cooking and cleaning and drinking lots of coffee to stay up late so I have more stamina to cook/clean and my spouse and I argue because we get cranky to each other doing it (my spouse helps me cook), We feed our guests and entertain them so they have a nice time at our place and we give them leftover foods to take home and they find it delicious. Our guests do not send thank you note emails and sometimes we do not hear from them. They haven't invited us over to their house yet. I know I do not have to have people over at our house but I'm a people person so it sometimes gets lonely with just me and my family here.
I also invite my mom over for the holidays every year and I try to be nice and accomodating and she nags too much and criticizes me and it makes me snap back at her. Mother is immature and I invite her over for the holidays that way my little boy spends time with his grandma. My mom is nice and sweet to other people except me. I don't know why. But I know karma will bite these people in the a$$ someday. That's the comfort I get from it.

Answer 9

Be cautious in letting strangers into your home. You don't owe these people anything. Direct them to the nearest public rest room.

Answer 10

It is very wrong to do something nice for someone just to get something good in return. If you wanna do something nice for someone just do it with out a second thought. DO NOT EXPECT SOMETHING NICE IN RETURN. Sounds to me that you like to take advantage of situations like that, and you expect something good back at you...

Captain, Chris W T
ATP- Lear 45, B747- A318 - A380
CFI