My bf and I have been together about 7 months, and everything is fantastic. But his birthday is coming up, and he asked me for a menage a trois. I'm a little leery, bc I know friends whose relationship has been ruined by trying it. I talked to him and voiced my fears. He said he's more interested in seeing me be intimate with another woman, then he is in having sex with anyone else. He also said he's tried it before with an ex-gf (like, 7 years ago), and that it was a lot of fun but it didn't change things between them and it wasn't something he wanted all the time. It would be a one-night-only thing. He tells me I'm the only one he wants to be with, and I believe him. He almost has me convinced.
What do you think? Should I indulge his fantasy? Or will he look at me differently/lose respect for me? Will I feel differently about him?
(I'm 26 and he's 29, if that matters).
2007-12-28 02:20:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks everyone for your advice.
For those of you asking, she's his ex because they dated when he lived in Japan. He moved back home and they tried to do the long-distance thing for a year, but couldn't make it work. He still has fond feelings for her (which doesn't bother me, it was so long ago).
I do like women, I don't think I'm a lesbian because I wouldn't want to have a girlfriend, but I've kissed a couple of girls and it's always been fun. I just don't know about watching him with another woman...
2007-12-28 02:38:29 · update #1
Why not try it, that is if you're into women? If you're not comfortable doing it then don't. My gf and I have done it a few times and it was fun and our relationship is fine. Neither one of you can be a jealous person though. If you are then I would be very wiry. The best of luck!
2007-12-28 02:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by 123456789 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If it didn't change things between him and his last GF, then how come he's not with her any more? If it would be a one night thing, then why wasn't what he already had with the last GF enough? If you are the only one he wants to be with, then why does he want to bring another woman into your bed?
If you aren't into women or the menage thing, then don't do it. If he dumps you over this, then you weren't the only one for him and he isn't the guy for you.
Question: Would he be willing to do the menage if you brought in another guy?
2007-12-28 02:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The 'almost has me convinced' part gives away your possible true feelings on a 3-some.
If it's something you want to do, it's great fun, but with reservations can be the exact opposite.
Look inside yourself n find out what you want to do. Do YOU think you'll enjoy it? Has it been something lurking in the back of YOUR mind? And most important of all - do YOU want to try it?
If you can answer yes to any one of those you might just have a great time!!!
If you don't try it you'll never know.
2007-12-28 02:37:30 · answer #3 · answered by Dark angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both Men and Women are often lead by their desires. He desires that you bring another person into your relationship. I guess the question for you to answer your question is ... what do you want? Also understand that your relationship is very likely to change if you said yes or no so think about and understand those changes and be ready for them. I wish you the best
2007-12-28 02:34:40 · answer #4 · answered by Daniel M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say the only time to do something like that is if you're with someone you don't care too much about. If you really care about this guy and want to have a lasting relationship, DONT DO IT. It will ruin your relationship.
The question also is, why does he want a 3-some? I wouldn't want to do that to my girlfriend. I don't want to share her with anyone, man or woman, and I don't want to have sex with anyone else.
If you really love him, don't do it. And ask him why he wants to do it in the first place.
2007-12-28 02:28:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If it is something that you want to try, then do it. Just tell him that he is not allowed to touch the girl. I would recommend fur lined handcuffs and tying him to the bed, so he can watch, but not touch! Also, make sure the other girl knows that she is there for you, but not to touch him.
It is a slippery slope (no pun intended). Make sure there are clear lines. Also, make sure that the 3rd person is comfortable with this etc.
2007-12-28 02:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by yogurt777 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I know you want to be a good girlfriend and make him happy but dont do it. do you know what happens in a three some? he has sex with the other girl too... right in front of u. i know i have more respect for my self than to get into a situation like that. your bf sound like a bit of a creep i dont reccomend it, it will change yo realitonship and not in ur favor
2007-12-28 02:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by REi 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
you have to ask yourself if YOU want to participate in this. if your bf asked if you would go rob a bank with him cause it would for some reason give him a thrill, would you do it because he wants you to? or would you do it cause you truly want to. also, you said that he did it with his ex-gf and nothing changed. if nothing changed, why is she his ex? as for respect, he has none for you now to lose cause if he respected you that would have never been asked of you. you need to search your own wants and needs.
2007-12-28 02:33:39 · answer #8 · answered by j p 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're ok with women, and he mainly wants to see you have sex with another woman, why not indulge him? I know I for one would.
2007-12-28 03:00:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to do it, go for it. If not, don't. Don't take into consideration what he wants as this is something YOU have to decide. If he looks at you differently afterwards, he's an idiot.
2007-12-29 10:15:40 · answer #10 · answered by Laura 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋