Am I being to sensitive?

Question

How do you deal with a girlfriend who is still in love with her abusive ex...? And says it will take her years to get over him, or that she may never get over him at all. Apparently she thinks that I am "extra-sensitive" because it upsets me. I think my reaction is normal, I told her to get over him, or go back to him... I don't do well with sharing, especially when she treats me like it's all my fault when all I do is try to calm her down and try to make her understand that she deserves better. He treats her like sh!t, and I get her wrath... WTF? Does she want to date a robot?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuopvtLtq8eIwhP3saCXCYXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071227212406AAaKZeL

Lw P... Interesting you should say "give her some time"..

Hahahaha... Durden. She gave you a thumbs down, and you misspelled "sucker" again. She can have all the time in the world now.

Dear Moon, I think you should get to know LwP, you two seem to really understand each other, good luck!

Guess who the thumb downer is...

Answer 1

What? Me worry?

Answer 2

I guess you either decide that you can live with it, or you can decide to live without her. If you are with someone who is still hung up on an ex, no matter how they were treated by that person, you will never compare favourably. And that's taking into account that you could be the most wonderfully understanding guy in the world.

I once had someone who would tell me I was the best person they'd ever been with and the most wonderful guy...but if the ex walked in tomorrow, I'd be gone. The ex, by the way, sold up everything, left a good job, and left the city they were living in just to get away from the person who is now my ex.. I had heard from my ex's mother that this person had treated my ex like sh*t...but no one could tell 'im that.

Know who I envy now? the one who ran away, cos I wish to hell now that I could have done that this last year! The point here is, there are two sides to every story, and you are in love with someone and know only that side. And you know that you are held up against a fiction and found wanting...it's not a good position to be in. I was told that the one who ran away, set the pattern for how my ex views everyone...even though they knew I was NOT like that person. Didn't help a bit...and no, you can't calm them down, and you do deserve better than you seem to be getting.

I hope for both your sakes that it all works out - but in my experience this sort of thing hardly happens for the 'good' guy...and in this scenario, you are the 'good' guy.

What else can I say? They just love bastards!

Answer 3

no, you are not too sensitive. And no matter what you hear, you are not forcing anybody to do anything. You simply stated your heart is not a toy, and your time is perhaps best spent knowing where exactly you stand. Tomorrow is promised to no one... what the hell "give her more time" means? 2 years, 5, years, 10 years ? And what are you expected to do during this time ? Put your life on hold and hope for the best outcome, while the other party takes her time deciding which way is up?
Life is too short and precious to live for tomorow, for tomorrow does not exist, the past is gone and unchangeable, and all we have is *now*. If she is indeed not ready to open her heart and arms and take you into both without reservations, then, so be it... it was not meant to be.
Life lived without regrets is the only noble path we must follow, everything else is a dead end street, or a circle, both lead nowhere...
Our spirit deserves to be nurtured not just by the journey we undertake, but by that special human being which makes the journey worthwile... we all share the same destination, it is the journey we embark on, and our companions during the adventure which is life that will make all the difference. Choose your companions wisely, your choice could make all the difference between a dream life can be and a nightmare...
But no matter what, never look back, never...

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that this is getting difficult for you, guys. But I'm still hoping that your love for each other will overcome this. There are things that only the heart can understand but the mind can't totally comprehend. I guess this is what happening to her right now. She seems like she can't let go of something totally even if it harmed her, but her heart has her own reasons that many of us find too ridiculous to understand. If you really care then give her time to think and weigh things and miss you. I agree with other people that it's too much, too soon. I advised her to let go of the excess baggage that keeps you guys apart and give you a chance to build your life around her without the nuisance (the ex). She is a beautiful and smart girl. She should have jumped ship and never looked back a long time ago.

You should have a heart to heart talk with her, not on ym please, as it doesn't give you the tone of her voice and expressions. My guy and me fight too, but when we talk on the phone our defenses melt away. I think it's because we love each other's voice too much..lol. But kidding aside, you both seem very special persons and what a waste it would be if you two would separate just because there's a nasty past that can't be forgotten. She should come out of it totally and build her self-esteem with your help. if you decide to still pursue her, show her everyday that you're the better man and that you're enough reason for her to get rid of the ghosts of her past.

Answer 5

You know I am friends for you both. I am in a little bit or somewhat similar relationship. Only thing is my girl says she will not go back to her abusive ex.

She says she needs time, I said she can have as much time as she wants and needs. The more freedom I give her, the more she wants me. I like that as she wants me without any pressure from me. That is the best relationship. I show her understanding of her feelings and it brings her closer to me, which is exactly what I want.

Perhaps Moonbelle is just nervous because you two are planning on meeting very soon. Give her a little bit of time. Ask her if she still wants to meet you and go from there. Above all, do not try to force her into anything. Allow her to come to you and create an atmosphere where she is drawn to you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes in life, it helps when the newcomer is not too emotional, demanding, pushy, kept on saying bad things about the one that she's having a hard time getting over with and expects a lovely, magnificent castle to be built overnight.
Now it's all screwed up. I can't deal with this anymore.
Perseverance is the key to everything in life.
Too much pressure, too soon a time. =)

EDIT: LwP, you rocks! Everyone in this world should have a mind setting like you do.

Answer 7

I agree it does take a long time to get over any abusive situation that a person was apart of. It's like they became so used to that kind of drama that they start to even expect it! They crave it! When things are going to smooth- they get bored. It's almost like they become addicted to having the turmoil in they're life. My ex-husband caused me years of emotional pain and now I'm with a new husband (which he is good to me) I still look for disappointments to come my way. Sometimes i even feel bored with the relationship. Doesn't that sound crazy?! I'm just trying to explain to you what is happening to her. I do agree it does take years to get over it, too. I would advice you to just continue to be loving and caring (as you have) and she will eventually heal. She will come to a point where she see's how destuctive that relationship was and not want to return to it. I just hope you can last that long. If you really love her and want to keep her you could start something new together. Maybe attend church together. God can help. What have you got to loose? It worked for me.

Answer 8

Dude just let me tell you something.

I am in real life a close friend of Moonbelle. We used to worked together, and we even live in the same neighbourhood. After few months getting to know her, i noticed that she has very, very strong feelings about that guy. I have seen it in front of my very own eyes how she devoted her life to him, how she puts on makeup and dress up b4 seeing him, how she cried during our lunch hour everyday when they started to be "on a break" 5 months ago.. Alot of the guys are interested in her... including myself.. but, yet among others, she likes you. She choose you to open up her feelings. You can write poetry very well and when you're speaking to her, both of you are in the same wavelength. She never gave any chances to the rest of us, but she opened up to you. I've been reading yours and her posts for a while and truthfully.. i was jealous on how she opens up to you..

...you have stolen her heart, a piece of her heart. That's better then nothing. You can't expect her to suddenly stop loving and forgets about the one man that she has given her everything for all these years.

So here's my 2 cent: "Do it slow and steady". Be patient. Take the positive side and don't be too eager. At least she has opened up to you a bit, and gave you a chance to steal her away from him. She tends to get pissed off and get upset very easily. Its is her nature so you should not freakout and overreact. You choose to love her, so accept her as she is. You are the only one who's getting this. She didn't open up to anyone else but you. Her heart is still fragile from all the mess she's gone through. So please, just be patient and persevere for now. If you can do that.. she's all yours. im sure of it..

And let me get this cleared "I am NOT the troll who keeps reporting the questions and giving others the thumbs down"

Answer 9

Stooge I'm sending my Love to Both of you Truly! I have been in that kind of relationship and it's a Dead End Road. I am sensitive but in a loving positive way or try my very best to be.The jerk that I just eliminated out of my Life was that way. Not in the Beginning, but slowly he eased it in until one day it was like it all came out like a Demon From He** and I couldn't take it anymore. I will be True to who ever I love and if they can't trust me then I have to move on. Jealousy is I think one of the Biggest reasons a lot of couples fight-Myself- I am 36 years old and I think I know what I want and that is not what to do and where to go- I want a Lover not a Master over me. I am a independent Women- If I am willing to give them their Freedom-then They have to respect me and Give me Mine-Don't Clip My wings! If I love you then I will stay true to you and you will never have to worry-that's what I want and if I can't have it then I would rather be alone the rest of my life.No I can feel for Both of you. I have heard a little of both sides and I feel for her and you. I'm always here for both of you. I mean that!Thanks to both of you for being here for me.

Answer 10

She may take years to get over him. If you love her, suck it up.
This woman is hot and half your age. If she didn't need someone she could trust she wouldn't have chosen you.

At the same time, she's not mature enough to realize that a guy your age comes with his own baggage and takes some getting used to.

These things take time. Love is what gives you the time. Just remember to chant this mantra when she rises in wrath. "I'm not him. I'm here because you need someone like me."

Answer 11

You need to cut your losses and exit the relationship gracefully. She's still on the rebound; if she's that much over the moon for her ex (regardless of how he treated her), she's not over him and can never give all of herself to you. Tell her you care about her, but she needs to sort out her issues with this guy before she dates again.