Can somebody help me figure out how to deal with a family problem?

Question

My father has prostate metastatic cancer, which in itself is terribly devastating. However, there is much more. My parents are divorced and he is now married to a woman who is an alcoholic, she is violent, mean, manipulative, controlling, hateful, and abusive, among many other things. She likes to cause trouble for everyone in her life and now she has decided to do that with me. She isn't allowing me to talk to my father or visit him. I don't know what to do, who knows how long he has, it could be years or days, I don't know. I am having a hard time dealing with this and don't know what to do. My father and I have had a very rocky relationship and it has just been over the last few years that we have come together to be as normal as can be. I don't think I have any legal rights to him, I would like to have some control, but I don't think that is possible. This woman is making it very hard for me to deal with this. I just need some advice, I can't seem to handle this anymore.

Talking to me father about this isn't easy, he is confused a lot of the time now. He takes so many medications that I can't remember what they all are, but some are percocet, morphine, strong things like that to help him deal with the pain. She not only is a drunk, but she steals his pills and gets destroyed on them along with the booze. I fear for his safety and others do too, but we don't know what to do. She is such a horrible person, I would be afraid that she would take it out on him if I tried to insist on seeing him. She has been this way her entire life from what I'm told, she isn't going to change now.

I want to add something else. I know that my father gave me life and that he owes me nothing. I just want his love and nothing else before he dies. He was always too busy to spend time with me as a child and now that we have built that relationship up I want to hold onto it for as long as I can.

Answer 1

Go to court although you may not have any legal rights regarding his finance, property etc. But as a son you do have rights to spend some time with your father.

Answer 2

try to remind yourself that he chose her!!!!! You mentioned that you and he had a rocky relationship and there must have been a reason for that. Surely all your guilt isnt warranted. I mean it is very very sad he is dying but we all are going to die and you cannot simply turn around a relationship that wasnt working all along. But for your peace of mind you may want to humble yourself temporarily to HER in order to get a well written note to him, or maybe even see him for a short while to give a hug. Beg her , bribe her etc just so you can have a moment to remember ( if that is what you want and it seems it is-I personally dont think that solves things but may make your heart more at peace) You are a caring person and thats all that matters so try not to let her get to you or lower yourself to her level. ( always remember he was a big boy when he chose her over you)

Answer 3

Have you talked to your father about this? Ask him what he wants to do, if he wants you out of his life, or if he wants you to continue a relationship. If he wants you to be there, then he is going to have to tell his wife to knock it off. I have to warn you though, there is no reasoning with a drunk. They are the most selfish humans on the face of the earth and she won't do the right thing because she's simply not capable. Your father won't have very long to live if his cancer has metastasized, and if this is important to you, you need to do what you can but not fault yourself if you encounter obstacles that you can't get through. You might want to think about going to Alanon to gain the tools you need to deal with this self destructive woman.

Answer 4

Okay my first thought would be to go over with whatever it is that she likes to drink, get her drunk, knock down, sleep, drunk and take it from there. My second thought would be, this would not have hap pend to me because I would have kicked her "a" ss years ago and the problem would not have come to rear its ugly head. Your love for your father will overcome her hateful ways, and because there is a God, she will get her's. Patience, you said that your relationship with your father has gotten better over the years, and that came with patience, while it might not seem like you don't have any left, you do, so just research your rights in the state where you live and take it from there. God Bless.

Answer 5

It sounds like she is either 'protecting' him or she is 'protecting her investment' which is silly because a surviving wife usually gets 80%+ of assets of her late husband (children or not).

You admitted that your relationship with your father has been non-exsitant for most of your life and rocky at best still; what is your interest in your father? Interesting.

Answer 6

Call someplace like a legal aid society and speak with one of the workers. You are the blood relative and therefore only HE can tell you he wants nothing to do with you. This alcoholic witch cannot deem who can and can't speak with him/see him in his own home. You do have rights as his child...find out exactly what they are and spend as much time with him as you can. God bless......

Answer 7

i could say an overdose, or close to demise journey under it quite is loss of family contributors, friends, activity. notwithstanding those are all exterior indications of dependancy and private backside in reality, they do no longer count interior the long term all that concerns is that somebody hits their very own psychological backside, and attain a think approximately which their international is so constrained psychologically, that a selection could desire to be made. replace HAS to, could desire to come from the interior.

Answer 8

I think you can contact his doctor and state that you are concerned about abuse from an alcholic wife. I also think that you can contact social services and report the abuse.

I think you need to record any phone calls you make to see your dad.

I also think you need to consult a lawyer. Most will provide a free consultation

Answer 9

are their other family membersthat see him...have them ask him if he wants to see you...if he does..then he needs to make his wishes clear to her...do they have or you have a family minister who can talk to her and explain that this is something that you and your dad need to do to deal with this...keep fighting for it...it is something you need to do for your peace of mind