Whenever he is around his friends and I at the same time he's a COMPLETELY different person. He pokes jokes at me (sometimes incredibly rude ones), he swears a lot (he RARELY swears around me), and he just seems so much more of a "manly man".
Whenever he's around just me, he's a kind-hearted, good natured, perfect man. I understand that men feel like they need to make a good impression in front of their friends, but he's 24 years old! It's like he does a complete 180 whenever he's around his friends. It almost makes me not want to hang out with him and his friends anymore.
Also, the people he hangs out with aren't good at all. They always encourage him to cheat (which he assures me that he would never), and they all cheat on their girlfriends.
I just don't know what to do -- his friends have been around much longer than I have, and he's the love of my life... but I can't stand his attitude when he's around his friends, and I really think that they are bad influences on him. Help!?
2007-12-28 01:39:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he's 24 years old and is acting like this, you're wise to see the red flags. I can understand him being more macho around his friends. That's normal. The swearing, huh?!? But if he's making jokes about you that are "incredibly rude" to impress his friends, then it's obvious that his friends are more important to him that you are.
Sorry, but I can't see any other way to say it. I'd get away from this guy. He's not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with it doesn't sound like.
2007-12-28 01:46:04 · answer #1 · answered by Woods 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A hate to say this, but a lot of guys do this. Mostly it's because they are not comfortable with who they are. These kind of people need to be who other people want them to be. I use to have this bf who was so sweet and when he was around his friends he would always talk about cheating on me. It was all a big joke with them and even though he never did, it wasn't something i wanted to here. He said those things because he was young, wanted to fit in, not comfortable in his own skin, etc.
The list can go on and on about why men do what they do. Your real decision should be if you are going to let him keep getting away with this. You are grown woman ...let him know that. Tell him your not going to take this anymore. Be honest with him...let him know how disrespectful it is. If he doesn't change you might have to leave him behind but that is the last step don't do that unless talking to him fails. I think that he will change if you are 100% honest about it and if he cares about you he will watch what he says.
P.S. I don't think he is a bad person, you just need to call him on this. Like i said if he refuses to change then you know your place is not with him.
2007-12-28 10:00:31 · answer #2 · answered by tatyana17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it. I would pose the initial question as something along the lines of: which you is really you? Are you really this kind hearted sweet person, or are you the person you are around your friends? If he doesn't understand how he is different, explain it to him, he may not really even notice that he does that around his friends. I have a guy friend that does that when he is around me with his girl friend, I have told him that he does it, she has told him. I think he finally quit doing that. The best thing you could do is talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Chances are, he will change. Good luck to you...
2007-12-28 09:51:08 · answer #3 · answered by stormdog3269 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he's a jerk.
you know what they say about "birds of a feather". If all of his friends are cheats, then if he isn't now, he could become one later. When you hang with a group and certain behaviors are socially acceptable with the group, it has a tendency to change one's perceptions of what is accepted.
If you don't like the person he is when he is with his friends, then he isn't the guy for you. That person he becomes when he is with his friends is the real him. Anyone who can be one way with his partner and a completely different person with their friends, is faking it somewhere. Since the friends have been around longer, I'd have to say he's on his best behavior with you and he's himself with his friends.
2007-12-28 09:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend can be this way also. He is a tough guy to everyone else, but to me he is cuddly and cute and very kind. I actually take enjoyment out of the fact that i am the only one that knows who he really, really is on the inside. Maybe you can try to see it that way, although the rude jokes need to stop. tel lhim it makes you think less of him when he has to resort to putitng you down in front of his friends. As for the friends who encourage him to cheat, thats total BS and all i can say is kill them with kindness. That way maybe they will think you're way too cool to cheat on. Just a suggestion.
2007-12-28 09:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by Jess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last night, my boyfriend invited me over for a party. His friends were there, and he completely ignored me the whole night. I felt like crap. But he is completely perfect when it's just the two of us. I think that in no way are you to blame. Try to just talk with him and make things right. That's what i did. Good Luck.
2007-12-28 09:45:33 · answer #6 · answered by Ashley Ward 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him those reasons why you don't want to hang around his friends. If he values you above their friendship, he will hang around them much less (or stop) on his own. Don't tell him to make a choice, as that will do 1 of 2 things. 1) He will choose them! or 2) He will choose you and resent you for making him choose (which his buddies will remind him of at every opportunity).
Maybe start cracking jokes at his buddies that make fun of them (put them down) and see if they can walk the walk, instead of just talking big.
2007-12-28 09:47:36 · answer #7 · answered by yogurt777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK - lets look at one very important thing - "he is the love of my life" BUT "I cant stand his attitude" (your exact words).
HOW can HE be "the one" yet you "cant stand" him???? HELLO??? See anything just a bit out of whack here???
What you WANT is to CHANGE him. CHANGE his friends, CHANGE his attitude, CHANGE this and that.....
FORGET IT - - FOR GET IT. IF the dude WANTED to be any way other than the way he IS, he would be. He IS the way he is - TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. He does NOT sound like good solid relationship material to me - or FOR anyone!
2007-12-28 09:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, it's typical guy behavior. They treat you well when you're alone because you expect him to have manners, but his friends don't have the same lofty desires.
Next time he asks you to hang out with him and his friends, politely decline. Tell him you don't like his attitude toward you when he's with his friends, and you'll be happy to spend time with him when he's done having guy bonding time.
And you're right, he's had his friends longer than he's had you, so you can't ask him to drop his friends, regardless of what you think of them. Just because your friend cheats on his girlfriend doesn't mean you will. If your best friend was cheating on her boyfriend, would that make you more inclined to cheat on your boyfriend?
2007-12-28 09:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by xK 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If you've become the butt of his jokes, that's not cute, fun or fair...he's an abusive butthole and it will get worse, far worse. It's not likely that his friends are a bad influence on him, it's more likely that you're a good influence on him. He is what he is.
2007-12-28 09:42:53 · answer #10 · answered by Mike 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋