Am I really invading my mom's privacy?

Question

My parents were divorced when I was 12. Now, I'm 19 years old, and I live with my mom, who is now a single parent. My mom always wanted to find a new husband and live happily. She had a crush on a married man 3 years ago, and I was very angry at her, because I know how it feels to have a father who has an affair with someone, and that's why my parents got divorced. Now, my mom's new crush is a widower whose wife was dead 3 weeks ago. The problem is, this guy is from a middle class family, while my mom is a very successful woman, high educated, with a high salary job. I don't find that guy is suitable for my mom, I don't ask my mom to marry an oil tycoon either ... I just don't agree with her choice. My mom is angry at me now, she kept telling me that I invaded her love life and her privacy. I didn't mean to disrespect her at all. I just don't want her to make the same mistake.

Am I really invading her privacy? Am I wrong?

Guys, I never thought a middle class man as a disease, or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I don't judge people that way. And just to inform you, guys, in my family we don't have such "mind your own business, live your own life" things.

Answer 1

Only she knows what will make her happy. Tell her about your concerns, and let her know that you want her to be happy. I'm sure you make your own decisions, so let her make hers.

Answer 2

First of all sit down with your mother and tell her I have something to say I will only say this once and will never repeat it again. In a respectable manner tell her how you feel and and tell her you do not agree with her getting involved with a married man or a man who just became a widower has he is unstable mentally. Tell her you want her to be happy but you feel she needs to come to term with why her marriage broke up and suggest she should go to speak with a physhycoligist about the manner. Tell her you respect your privacy and will not get involved with her personal love life again. Which means your mother should not bring any man into both your home. Note she can also feel lonely as she is no longer married and your 19 almost out of the house although this is not an excuse but your mother really needs to have some one-to-one time with herself.

Answer 3

You need to stay out of it. She's a grown woman, and has a right to decide who she wants to spend time with without a daughter who's going to be telling her that a man isn't good enough for her because he doesn't make as much money as she does. There's more to having "class" than your salary. If that's your problem with him, then I'm sorry, but you sound like a real snob. I come from a wealthy family, too, and my parents would have taken me down a couple of pegs if I ever had the nerve to judge someone based on whether or not I thought they were the same "class" as us. I found the love of my life from a "middle-class family", and that family has more class than the majority of our wealthiest friends.

Answer 4

Yes and yes. Your mother is a grown woman and she is not your child. Nothing she does is your business, butt out.

And btw, you had best get an understanding of human value. Your mother wasn't always successful, highly educated or rich. A one point in her life, she was just like you, a kid dependent on someone else for support. Being from a middle class family isn't a standard of character, in fact most people are simply common people. Many woman like your mother find that a breath of fresh air compared to the kind of men she is surrounded by on a daily basis.

Answer 5

Let's face it, as much as you'd like to be able to control who your mom chooses to date, you can't. It's the same as if you were to fall for someone and she did not approve; you'd probably do it anyway. It's obvious that you love and care about your mom a lot, but she has to make these decisions on her own. She's been through it before and I'm sure she knows what she's doing. The more you insist he's not right for her, the closer it'll bring them together and then you'll be pushed further away. Just give her a little space to make her own decisions and let her know that although you don't exactly agree with her decision, you're behind her 100%. If he's not right for her, she'll find out regardless.

Answer 6

Who cares if the guy is from a middle class family? If she likes him and he likes her well then there ya go! You should be happy. I know you're trying to watch out but she is a grown woman who can make her own choices. So just because the guy doesn't have an income like your moms, doesn't mean they won't be compatable. What if everyone judged?

Answer 7

Sounds like your mother is looking at the person as a whole and not by the amount of money that they make like you are. I have to say that I understand the you are looking out for your mother but she is old enough to make her own decisions. How would you feel if the situation was turned and you were in your mothers shoes. I think your mom is capable of making her own decisions. Its not like she is planning on marrying the man. She is just looking for a companion. She is also helping this man by being there to have someone to talk to and hang out with. I would tell your mother that you are sorry and that you will trust her judgment on whoever she decides to date.

Answer 8

Yes you are wrong. This is your mothers choice. If you don't like it, MOVE OUT!

In a perfect world, your mother may end up with Joe Perfect but as she gets older, there are fewer choices out there. You probably know a lot of people who are in a wonderful relationship and have been for years and either one or the other doesn't have a PhD.

Are you certain that your concerns are more about yourself and not her????

Answer 9

Astrid, you need to let your mom make her own mistakes. On the other hand, you also need to give her the respect that comes with knowing she will make the right decision in the end. And tell her that. Tell her that you know she would not want to go through another divorce, and will make the right decision in the end. If her decision is to marry this man, you need to be silent, it's her life. You are getting old enough to be on your own and make those decisions yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't want your mom voicing her opinion about whom you select? So give her a hug and tell her you just want her to be happy and that you trust she will make a good decision.

Answer 10

Well, of course you are ALWAYS entitled to your opinion. I can see where you are coming from, but, she is going to do what she wants and she is an adult and can make her own choices just as you want that same respect. Money is not everything, though, that is a huge burden especially after a while if she is taking care of him. If the guy is happy (which he might not be truly if his wife just died) then he will be kind to her and treat her right and that is more important than anything. Someone to be nice, honest, and sincere!

Answer 11

all i can help you is to realize that people are successful in different ways, some its with money, some its with love, some its just achieving more than they expected.
Your mum seems to have crushes on unavailable men, even if its emotionally unavailable, the history with your father could be causing this, try and get her to address this and maybe go out with her on the pull, it could help her meet some available men.
But make sure to give your mum respect in her own decision, despite what that might be, its her life.
However if you just mention your worries for HER, because your lving with her and your her daughter you do have a right, to yourself.