my daughter is still having a hard time adsjusting to her biological dad whom she hasn't seen since she was three and now she is six. she cries and screams and yells that she doesn't want to see them. i have to carry her to meet him because of a court order. she inisists that he hates her and i haven't had the heart to tell her that he has two boys and a wife. when she was three he was married and had one child but she doesn't remember anything from three years ago including him. he wants to meet her with his parents and wife.when i was pregnant with her for the first six months of her life he ignored her then he became a part of her life. when she was three we had a huge argument and i broke off contact with him and we moved out of the country don't live n the USit is my fault that she hasn't seen her dad. recently i was in court and the judge demanded that he be allowed to see her or i lose custody I am also afriad that we will end up arguing in front of her. we can't get along
2007-12-28 01:07:45 · 8 answers · asked by Hmmmmmm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
once we saw him at the park. he was a few feet from us and neither of us new the other person was there. he was kissing his wife while there kids played near by. they were all playing together and looked like one big happy family. my daughter reconised him from a picture i had shown her and started to cry.
2007-12-28 01:16:23 · update #1
she always believed my husband to be her father. when she is with us it is just him,her,my adopted niece and me. my parents told him where we were
2007-12-28 01:36:39 · update #2
he never wanted me to have a child she was unplanned
2007-12-28 01:39:02 · update #3
it is up to us however to arrange a meeting
2007-12-28 03:54:26 · update #4
i know he didn't hurt her physically i just think this is alll to overwhelming to her. by the way his kids are 4yrs and 1yr
2007-12-28 04:11:35 · update #5
i know he didn't hurt her physically i just think this is alll to overwhelming to her. by the way his kids are 4yrs and 1yr
2007-12-28 04:11:49 · update #6
my parents told him where we were
2007-12-28 04:14:32 · update #7
is there no way he could come over to your house and sit for a while so his daughter slowly gets used to him again??
of course you 2 will have to behave like adults and not argue when she's there.....
or meet up with him at a park or soft play area, you stay put slowly get her to interact with her father.. then when she gets more used to him his wife and other children could come along too. Then you can meet her .
itwill all take quite a while but eventually she should be happy to go with her father......I've met my ex's new wife.. they have 2 young children together, i get on fine with her and always tal to her children cos at the end of the day they are my sons brother and sister as much as my 2 girls with my husband are........
My husband has 3 children to his ex wife (the youngest 13 lives with us) is ex has a little boy of 6 and quite often he comes over to our house to play with his sister (my stepdaughter) but also cos he likes to see my girls as well...
in the main all of us adults get on ok......I'm just glad my ex's wife is good to my son, she treats him like one of her own without being too much of a mother to him.. you have to get over past problems for the sake of the kids.......
EDIT my son was also uplanned and when i told his dad i was expecting he told me abort or he'd walk away, i chose to have my son....my ex ignored me the full 9 months of my pregnancy. he came to the hospital after i gave birth and fell for his baby instantly.........things had gone to far for me to forgive what he put me through, and i knew we'd never get back what we had,,, The fact he never wanted to be a dad at 1st has not stopped him being an excellent father from the moment he saw his son.......I suppose i coud have refused him seeing his son but my son deserved to see his father, and i could not punish this man forever because he got scared at the start..just cos your ex did not want the child in the 1st place does not mean he can't be a good father
2007-12-28 02:00:10 · answer #1 · answered by Fluffy Cheryl♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be good to take someone along with you. You may both be inclined not to argue in front of the right person. Make it someone official like someone from social services. Ask the court for help finding the right person. Make sure you are not saying and showing disdain for this man...this will never help your daughter. Make going to see him a good outing. Talk to him ahead of time to see if you can work out a pleasant meeting...include the mediator so that both of you will be accountable.
2007-12-28 09:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by #1 Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You put your daughter in this situation and now you need to fix it. Perhaps if you could set aside your feelings for him and act in the best interest of your child, like a mother should, you could make this easier for her. People who use their kids like weapons to hurt the other person simply hurt their kids. You need to talk positively about her father, keep your own drama out of it, and encourage her to trust him. Apparently there is nothing wrong with him and he cares enough to want to be part of her life, enough to go to court for the right to see her. That should be good enough for you. You are the grown ups here, act like one. Sit down with her father and his wife and have an adult conversation about how you can make this easier for your daughter.
2007-12-28 09:30:32 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there an order that you have to let him see her without you being present? If not just try to stay with her when he sees her.
Has he seen her at all yet? If not then just try to tell her that he doesn't hate her that he loves her and you just can't live together. Have you said anything bad about them to her?
She may just not feel secure being away from you.
If she has seen them and has been with them and she is screaming there may be a reason. Try to find out if he or someone has touched her inapproperately or anything. If so to back to court.
Good Luck
2007-12-28 09:19:08 · answer #4 · answered by suzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your only option is try to comfort her as much as possible. You have not ease her tension. It doesn't matter at this point how much you don't want her to see him the court ordered it. You do not want him to get full custody because you disobeyed the judge. You need to reassure her that she will be okay. Give her confidence. You showing concern is going to make her nervous. I think you should come to the US while she is visiting him....to know you are not even in the country might be a little overwhelming as she does not even know him.
Don't try to do this all on your own. You don't have to. When you are afraid there is someone close by who understands, when you feel sad there is someone close by who understands, when you feel like not coming out of your room there is someone close by who understands........
It is the Lord.
The Lord tells us to take our troubles and lay them at his feet. When Christ is in our hearts and we are living a life for him, he will help us in our struggles. We will still have trials and tribulations, but the Lord will be there to pick you up and give you the peace that passes all understanding. It is a peace that no drugs, doctor, or anything else could give you. To have a personal relationship with the Lord....(Who loves and cares for you) here is what you need to do....
1. You must realize you are a sinner. (Romans 3:23) "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."
(Romans 3:10) "As it is written, There is none righteous, no not one."
2. Second you must accept that as a sinner you owe a penalty. (Romans 6:23) "For the wages of sin is death...."
This is an eternal death in Hell. See everyone lives forever somewhere...either Heaven or Hell. Those who reject Christ and never ask for repentance of their sins go to Hell. Those who ask Christ to come into their lives, thank him for dying on the cross for their sins, and turn from their sin...will go to Heaven. You just pray to the Lord a simple prayer like this:
Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I deserve to pay my own sin debt, but I do believe that you died for me to pay the debt that I owe. Today, the best that I know how, I trust you as my savior. I will depend on you from this moment on for my salvation. Now help me to live for you and to be a good Christian. Amen
If you really believe that Christ died for you, and you are ready to repent of your sins and to turn to Christ...pray...and ask him to come into your life. When no one is there he will be.
God Bless You
2007-12-28 09:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by JB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slowly let her take her time. Just try if you can in front of the girl show her you trust him. Your daughter will see that and not be afraid as much. I don't blame her for being scared.
2007-12-28 09:15:17 · answer #6 · answered by Noel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the judge was wrong...he should have stipulated you have your daughter gradually get used to her father,,,,small visits, leading up to longer, and see how she reacts....She is the most important...you and your ex need to understand that, and back off her spending time with him until she feels comfortable
2007-12-28 09:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by madsmaha1 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can arrange to have a meeting with a go between if you really dont think that you can control yourself.
Look this is going to take time, they are strangers. But you need to suggest to him that he also needs to think of things to do to make it easier for her, he can call, he can send cards and gifts. He cant just pop up and expect her to embrace him.
Didnt you post this already
2007-12-28 09:14:04 · answer #8 · answered by sammy3256 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋