i don't really know how to handle this.?

Question

Okay so please I don't need mean comments so if you are going to do that please leave. I am so not in the mood. I'll let you know the question before the entire story "If they press charges, who would win?"

Okay so my mom and I got into a fight. She was yelling and calling me things like ugly, unpopular, no social life, etc. My grandma came in and started yelling random things at me too when she didn't even know about the fight. SHe told me to go upstairs and I said no, clearly she has no authority even if she is older. She came over and both of them tried to push me up the stairs. Obivoiusly, a 41 and 70 year old can't push a 12 year old up stairs. My grandma grabbed my neck and started to pull on it. I really could't breath and I got out and turned around. She was right up in my face. I said "Do not ever put your hands on me like that again.". My mom told my aunt the entire story, which I thought was mean, and my aunt said that she would try to press charges.

I'm not pressing charges, they want to on me.

JJ - That's what I thought.

But you know what?I really don't like to respect people if they don't respect me too.I am a good kid, nice boyfriend, good grades, nice friends, teachers like me, pretty enough to get asked to model, etc.

Terry - I agree. They don't know who did what to me. Who knows if they will even tell the truth? I hope it is just to TRY and scare me.

CJ - Thanks so much. You kind of helped me relize why I was doing what I was. I don't want to be talked to like that by my mom and I hope she understands that. I haven't talken to her in 24 hours so we'll see. I will give you all some more details as I get them.

Answer 1

First of all, I do NOT condone the use of that type of force on children. And I DO NOT condone your mother for saying those horrible horrible things to you, and for that, I am sorry you had to listen to that. That type of thing breaks my heart.

I have "smacked" my 11 year old daughter for mouthing off to me, but NEVER to the point of serious injury like I feel your grandmother could have done to you. HOWEVER............let me tell you something. RESPECTING your elders is a HUGE deal. HUGE. Now, I don't know if I can blame you here for NOT respecting your mother after she speaks to you like that, OR your grandmother for hopping in to the middle of something that was none of her business, however, that is your mother and your grandmother. You should have just shut your mouth and gone upstairs like you were told and maybe none of this would have happened?? COULD you have just been quiet and gone upstairs without mouthing off more? Probably you could have, but you were upset and angry yourself, so you chose to stay (is how I'm seeing it.....and believe it or not I am trying to justify your actions).

Now let me tell you something. IF my 11 year old EVER disrespected her grandmother or another adult, I would NOT take it lightly and she would be punished accordingly, AND she would probably have a butt-whooping. However, I do not speak to my daughter like your mother speaks to you. BUT I still do not see that that gives you the right to disrespect your elders. Learning respect is an important lesson at your age. It can set you up for a lifetime of achievement or a lifetime of hard-times if you cannot respect people. You HAVE to learn to respect people of authority whether you like them or not, that is the thing.

I actually feel sorry for you that you have to take the verbal abuse you do (if you are being honest), and wish I could tell you something to make you feel better. Please don't believe that rubbish about being ugly or unpopular or those things. Your mom probably isn't happy with her life right now and that's why she's coming down so hard on you. People do that sometimes.

I would suggest that you find someone to talk to in confidence. Whether it is a school counselor, a nurse, a friend's parent who is willing to listen, a Pastor, a relative, or someone from your church, etc. Someone who can help you, or help you get help for yourself, or your mom, whoever needs it.

But please, don't fall in to the arguments. Try to walk away. Don't egg them on by screaming back, just quietly go to your room and turn on the tv or radio or something until it blows over. Don't keep the fight escalating, it's not good for you. You're a kid and you deserve to be a kid. YOU be the "bigger" person, even though you are only 12. I know you can do it.

Good luck hon, I hope it all works out. ;o)

Answer 2

First of all, your aunt has no right to press charges.

Secondly, you can't be arrested for being a pain in the a s s that doesn't listen. Unless, of course, you NEVER listen to your mother. That's a sure way to end up in juvie.

Thirdly, your grandmother might not have any idea what is going on but she is still your elder. Sorry, but she has authority. She's your mother's mother for christsake - listen to her.

Next time take a few breaths and realize that you're only 12. You've got to deal with your parents for another 6 years. You're only making it harder on yourself by being such a "badass." Been there, done that.

Answer 3

Let me get this straight. You were acting like a complete brat and your mother lost her cool and your grandmother got herself involved in this drama you started and things got physical. Instead of doing what you were told you escalated the whole situation and you smarted off to your grandmother when you finally got hurt. Now your aunt is suggesting you call the cops on your grandmother? Her own daughter?

Honey, at 12 years old you are not very smart. You are completely dependent on your mother, you cannot and should not support yourself. You could have made other choices, but you chose to get into this drama and chose to escalate it. While the adults in your life were also out of line, my guess is that you are on everyone's last nerve.

I actually don't have a problem with you saying what you did to your grandmother, she had no business choking you, or getting involved at all. I think clearly telling her this was appropriate, however I'm going to bet it wasn't as calm and grown up sounding as you are typing it here.

You need to apologize to your mother and figure out a way to get along, you have many years ahead of you that you need her to feed and house you. If you are smart you will do everything you can to take advantage of an education so that you can support yourself well when you get to the appropriate age.

Take responsibility for your own actions and take a look at how your behavior effects your mothers treatment of you. You don't have to fight with her. However your mom owes you an apology for calling you names. At 12 she shouldn't be concerned about your social life, you really shouldn't have one outside of school and church, maybe scouts. However, no child should ever be called ugly, that's just not right. My guess is you are beautiful but badly behaved, and frankly if you act like this at 12, its on her.

You just said you have a nice boyfriend. Your mother allows you to have a boyfriend at the age of 12? This explains so much. You have to know that isn't right.

Answer 4

Frankly I think you should have been the one calling 911! They were the ones pushing you up the stairs.

I would talk to your guidance counselor at school about the abuse at your home and see what they can do and what they tell you.

If they are treathening you with filing charges, I think the more documentation you have on your side the better.

But what you described here I think you should have called 911 when they were trying to push you up stairs.

Anyone brings it up then you say its a two way street and if I cant touch anyone then no one better touch you or you will call 911 and tell them they have all been warned.

Answer 5

You need to tell your teacher or another adult what happened.
It is NEVER okay for an adult (related or not) to choke a child. If she was grabing your neck so hard that it hurt and was cutting off your air, that is an assualt. However, you were wrong not to listen to your Mother. They should not have called you names etc, but when one of your parents tells you to go up to your room, you do it! Until you are 18, you do what your parents say (or until you are out on your own).

In the end, your Grandmother was wrong for using that much physical force on you. She needs to be told that she is not allowed to do that and that you could not breathe. This sounds like a very complicated situation where we need more info.

Answer 6

It's more a case of "he said, she said." Without physical evidence and prior history, it would likely go no where.

Who's pressing charges on whom? And why? The best you could hope for would be your worst nightmare--removal from the home and placed in foster care.

Not to be mean, but it sounds like you all need counseling.

Answer 7

Sounds like grandma and mom have no control over you.
They both seem to need parenting coaching, you don't "push" someone up stairs...

Pressing charges on a 12 year old is kind of a stupid threat......

However, they could put you in like a correctional facility for children....or even a mental hospital if you are combative.....

Just try to behave, and if they put their hands on you like that again, call the cops.

Answer 8

I doubt anyone would win if charges were pressed as any sane normal court of law would throw it out as a waste of public time and money. Just a normal domestic tiffle that got out of hand.

Answer 9

NOOOOOO

you all don't need to be caught up in family court over nothing

Now I know you don't want to hear this but sweetie you are a pre-teen....your first obligation is to RESPECT your elders

Do whatever your mom and/or granny tell you to do even if you don't like it.

i'm 37 y/o with 2 teenagers and if my mom told me to do something even if it pisses me off I would do it out of respect

sometimes in life you have to just suck it up and do what you gotta do to keep peace

Answer 10

That's tough because you're young and parents think they have the right to put their hands on their kids to punish them. Unfortunately I don't know all of the circumstances surrounding your argument. I do not think you should press charges, but definitely talk to someone you trust. If you feel you're being abused call social services.