Three times a year I get together for a Holiday get together with my wife's extended family. Attending the event is the husband of one of my wife's sisters. This man seems so strange. He attends all the events but never says a word to anyone. He can talk and I do see him say a few words to his wife and son, but never to anyone else. I have tried talking to him a few times but got only one word answers. I gave up.
I asked about him a few times to my wife's parents and they just roll their eyes and say nothing. It seems like everyone is embarrassed about the whole thing. No one seems to know anything about the man, he works and has friends, but we do not know much else.
How would you respond to someone at a Holiday event who does not speak. Should I try harder to befriend him or pull him out of his shell? Or leave him alone?
2007-12-28 00:28:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
He may be very shy or he's just not a social person. I'd just say leave him alone.
2007-12-28 01:09:54 · answer #1 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Has anyone tried speaking to the wife to see if he is just shy or nervous around people? My ex was the same until he got to know people and still gives one word answers in conversation which frustrates the hell out of me!! I see it as not communicating and when I ask further questions he sees it as I'm checking up on him or something even with something as silly as what food did you have at the bbq?? He might also just be a very private person!! Try speaking to him again and as I said maybe check with the wife to see if he's shy!!
2007-12-28 00:39:00 · answer #2 · answered by Mellie Moo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could be describing me.
Maybe he's just shy. For some people, it's really hard to start a conversation, even when the other person takes the first step. I know because I'm one of them. If someone says, "Hi, how are you doing." I usually say, "Fine." and nothing else. If someone says, "How's work?" I say, "Fine" and nothing else. My job is mostly incomprehensible to anyone not in the computer business and my hobby is games like World of Warcraft so unless you're a geek like me, you won't understand a word I say. When I try to talk about the things I do, people start yawning so I just sit and keep my mouth shut.
There are things I like to talk about. My wife and I travel a lot so telling people about our recent trips is enjoyable. This guy is probably just like me. I can come across like a real jerk sometimes but I'm not, I'm actually a really nice guy when you get to know me.
So, it isn't that he doesn't want to talk, it's that he probably feels like no one really wants to hear him. Ask his wife what he likes, what he does, etc then just sit down and talk to him. If he is like me, you might be able to just ask him why he never talks, he might surprise you with what he has to say.
2007-12-28 00:46:10 · answer #3 · answered by Big Ed 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Continue to befriend him. He may eventually open up. Some people are just quiet and don't speak unless they have to. When you do talk to him make sure what you ask him requires more than a yes or no answer. Don't ask if he likes his new car....ask what type of features his new car has. Ask how he keeps his lawn looking so great, about hobbies. Anything that requires an explanation, not yes or no.
2007-12-28 00:50:05 · answer #4 · answered by J M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your sister-in-law about it. She should have some idea about why he isn't talking and may be able to give you a few pointers for drawing him out of his shell. It sounds like there's bad blood there somewhere. Perhaps he and your in-laws had a falling-out so he comes along to these gatherings as a favor to his wife but still doesn't feel comfortable talking to any of you. It hardly seems polite of him to ignore anyone, but if he's intent on doing so, there's not much you can do about it.
2007-12-28 00:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by OhKatie! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is blighted with social phobia.
There are so many people around who have social phobias or mental health problems that go undetected. I would just be pleasant and say how much everyone appreciates his presence at these functions.
Perhaps his wife could do more than the family can. Here is a helpful link.
Link : http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/anxietyphobias/socialphobia.aspx
2007-12-28 01:30:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like me. I shy too esp. around people I don't really know or only see a couple of times a year. I think you should keep trying; he'll come around and probably enjoy your company.
2007-12-28 14:07:54 · answer #7 · answered by L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. he's shy and nervous of chatting
2. he doesn't want to be there and has been forced to attend by his partner
3. english isn't his first language.
Most likely 1, i'd think - just keep on talking and let him listen to you talking, then move on to someone else...
2007-12-28 00:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by ticket2ride 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not comforatable at social events, and is probably somewhat introverted. If he doesn't wish to talk, that's his perogitive. Just move on.
2007-12-28 02:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he could be very shy just keep talking to him find a way to get a conversation usaully best way to do that is to ask for an opinion about something
2007-12-28 00:40:27 · answer #10 · answered by Mike M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋