Please help me... I have a SIL who is very manipulative, vendictive and lies a lot! She's a complete back stabber to the nth degree! She has a harsh personality and makes it virturally impossible to get along with her. I hung in there for as long as I could, that is until my hubby and I became pregnant w/ our first child (who is now 4 1/2 months old). She was SO jealous, that she vented to my brother, her hubby, about how much she HATED me for getting pregnant... rather than celebrating the joy in it. My brother has since come around, however, only to an extent. I offered him to be my baby's Godfather and he refused THREE times! His wife told him, "Don't you DARE go down there and support her and her BABY!" WTF? She is saying many bad things about me and my daughter and I'm tired of it. I told her she's not welcome in my house. I feel like the relationship w/ my bro is completely over. Since all is lost, how do I sever ties w/ him until he finally leaves the beast? Help me!!
2007-12-28 00:23:23 · 8 answers · asked by Leanna's mom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Let me add some details here for those that seem to think I should mind my own business.
My brother is full time active duty, getting ready to go on his 3rd tour of Iraq. For 9 years, I spent time w/ her; weekends, holidays, etc... as well as my family. My other brother & his wife helped her move while my brother was out on tour. The "beast" has trashed talked all of us so bad and my brother doesn't understand why no one wants to see him or why no one wants them around. His wife made him choose between his family and her (something I did not mention earlier). I do take care of my family, that IS first, but my brother has no idea what he is missing out on. And the comment about the Godfather refusal... he thought being Godfather was only about buying gifts... he had NO clue until he finally asked me, then asked to be Godfather immediately after. His wife THEN said, "Don't you DARE go down there!" I hope this clears up any misconceptions. Thanks for everyone's answers so far.
2007-12-28 01:05:56 · update #1
Your brother may never leave the "beast". Have you considered that he may actually love her and be happy in his marriage? It may very well be that you and his wife just have too much time on your hands and are not spending this time in a constructive way. Focus on getting along with your brother, which means extending respect for her as his wife and stop the foolish bickering. If she doesn't extend the same courtesy to you, it is her loss. Be the bigger person. At the very least, your brother will see the effort you make and that the real problem lies in his own house. As for his not wanting to be the Godfather, maybe the real problem lies between you and your brother and has nothing to do with his wife.
You can't change other people. You can evaluate your approach, whether it has a negative impact on the situation and what you can change about yourself to bring out better results. Good luck, I have been down this road myself and realized the more I fought with the inlaw, the worse life was for my brother.
Update: Why would you punish your brother by not seeing him for her trash talk? You are all crazy!
2007-12-28 00:42:58 · answer #1 · answered by trixxi_fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing with a daughter in law, my son was married to her for 6 years,she was an angel in my and my wifes eyes. She had run off all of his friends and we supported her, she told us they were dead beats and drug heads. They had a baby last year, then she turned on us. Now she spreads vicious lies about us. We were so blind. I think my DIL and your SIL are bi-polar insecure train wrecks. They want an insulated enviroment. They want to control their little part of the universe. I can only pray for my son and my gradchild. I know exactly what you are experiencing. The only hope is that your brother and my son will find the courage to insist on 3rd party help for them, which is a problem because they think they are perfect and the rest of the world is messed up and out to get them.
2007-12-28 00:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My stepdaughter and your SIL could be twins. There are 6 kids between hubby and I (3 each) and she is the only one who causes problems. We finally told her that until she grows up (she's 25) and learns to speak to and treat other members of the family as people and not animals, she will no longer be allowed to have any contact. She calls, we hang up, she comes to the house, we slam the door shut. We won;t allow her toxic personality to ruin the love the rest of the family feels for each other. So as to your SIL....screw her. If one day she changes, great, if not? Well, at least she can't hurt anyone mentally.
Prayers for your brother while he is serving......
2007-12-28 02:06:41 · answer #3 · answered by JTNT2003 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People are generally not mean and spiteful for no reason. Most people want to belong and be accepted and when they are not that is when they get mean. You mentioned nothing about your part in this problem. Surely you have played some role in making her so angry. Are you willing to meet her in the middle and accept responsibility for the damage you caused or are you content to just make her a scapegoat?
I identify a little with her because my husbands family have treated me like dirt and are shocked that I got pissed about it. I don't want my husband interacting with people who have been so hurtful and disrespectful to me. I have tried to meet them half way, but they are content to make me out to be the *****.
There are two sides to every story and the key to having relationships is trying to understand where the other person is coming from...mutual respect and consideration.
2007-12-28 04:51:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are putting your brother in an impossible position, knock it off. He told you once that he didn't want to be godparent but yet you asked him two more times. You are creating this drama and need to back off. Your brother and his wife are none of your concern and you need to focus on your family not his. You are the mother of two children and someones wife, you should be acting your age and setting an example for your kids.
2007-12-28 00:48:00 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would cut them out of my life altogether until the bro leaves her. Your brother is on his wife side, not yours, what's the point telling him things about his wife, as he goes home he'd tell her everything what been said without her being there. If I was you, I'd cut him out altogether till he buck up his idea about his wife... If he wants to know why you being like this, tell him that because his wife creating family problems and you don't want that, unless he buck up his idea
2007-12-28 00:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by Kennedy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
make him tell you everything -- you guys need to clear the air and this SIL sounds liike she'll make life hell 4 ur bro anyways
2007-12-28 00:27:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just say it straight to him how you feel but not in front of your SIL :] and say that she has broke the last straw and that you dun want her unreasonable personality to affect your family
if he's smart enough, he'll know what to do :]
2007-12-28 00:28:49 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋