The beginning of my story?

Question

Hi i'm trying to write a story and i was just wondering what you all think of my first sentence.
All i could hear was the rain bashing against my bedroom window,as I sat there staring out into the dark and gloomy night.

Answer 1

Its very well structured, but 'dark and gloomy night' is a cliche. Try to find another way to say it. Good writers constantly strive to find new ways to say things... and I can tell you are a potential writer just by the short paragraph you've written. Nicely done.

EDIT: The person below me told you not to use 'dark and gloomy' (as did I) because it is too cliche... but then told you NOT to use 'bashing' because it isn' t used! Contradict much? I say leave in the bashing. Everyone uses 'pounding' and 'bashing' projects a violent image. If you are going for a violent image then keep the word 'bashing'.

Answer 2

Dark and gloomy is too cliche. Also, I have never heard the rain "bashing." I think I would use a different word but there is really nothing wrong with it. I would also drop the word there after "I sat."

I would use something like the following: The only sound I could hear was the rain pounding against my bedroom window as I stared out at the foreboding darkness.

It sounds like a good story shaping up though. Fill us in with some of the rest later.

Answer 3

its cool sounds like a scary story thou lol

Answer 4

Itz a perfect start...............