How to learn to love myself first ???

Question

I want to learn to love myself first before to love anyone else.It's seems i am giving too much from myself -my time,my energy,my feelings,my attention to the other people and then i am hurt.I know it is sounds very selfish but i have to do it because all my friends tell me that i am too nice and good person and thats why many people just use me.So thats why i would like to learn to be a selfish.

Answer 1

You can have BOTH.

Learn to love yourself AND others as well. The secret is to become familiar with the deep inner self... or the pure soul. That is the perfect aspect of who you are. And once you do that, you will love yourself and you will see this perfection in others as well. So, you can have both.

This is the Philosophy section, so I will put it in the words of Socrates... "Know Thyself." He was speaking of this deepest aspect of who you are.

This resource will explain it in western terms... it's an eye opening read. And a free book as well.

Answer 2

It is good to be selfish.

It is part of life to seek friends and bond. You have to be very selective. There are some people for whom you may give up your life, but most of the time you do not go farther than acquaintance. You have to learn how to separate the gold from the sand. It takes time and energy to cultivate friends, and in many cases this time will be wasted. Yet, the few true friends you get are worth all the effort.

You have to watch out for what I call vampires, as they may try to feed off you. It takes time and effort to cultivate a friend. For honest people, there is a limit to what they ask. For a vampire, there is no limit. They promise friendship, but once they get all they see as easy to get, they will dump you, and move on to the next victim. Of course, they have perfected a smooth routine to operate.

You must remember also that there are degrees of friendship. We all want the closest kind, but that may not be possible.

Finally, love yourself, cultivate your own person. Remember, friends do not approach you because they like the way you dress, but for what they see as the qualities of your spirit.

Answer 3

I am still learning to do the same thing myself... it takes time, don't push yourself too hard and always, first and foremost, be gentle to your body and kind to your heart.

The first step I took on that path was learning to say 'no' to people. It took me years, but I did it. The trick is to know when to say no, and when to say yes. Once I started saying 'no' to people I couldn't stop myself, I was on a roll cos it gave me a feeling of power, like I was ransoming my time from them because they hadn't already taken so much from me. Don't let that happen to you, all it will do is turn you bitter. Like with anything else, even saying 'no' has to be done truthfully from your heart and in moderation.

Most of us want somebody else to love us, and therefore look after us and take care of us. All of us want to be nurtured. But the only true person who can look after you 100% is you. Once you realize that, it might seem like a curse or something sad, but actually it is very empowering and now that you take responsibility for yourself - for all yourself, your actions, your reactions, your feelings, everything - then no one else can ever use or abuse you again.

It's not selfish to look after yourself first. Cause how you be yourself with others and give anything to others if your not alright?

Take care of yourself and you will love yourself. You don't even have to say it, it will just be so. But saying it can help too! Or keep a love journal to yourself.

Something that I have done is write cards or letters to myself when I'm feeling good about myself. Really nice things that feel truthful and compliment things about me. I hide them around my room and when I'm feeling crap I find one and read it. You forget what you wrote cause it was a while ago, and when you find it again, it's the nicest feeling to remember how you felt about yourself when you were feeling good. Try it.

Answer 4

A good way to reflect on how well this is all working is to love someone else. In that we reflect because in order to love someone else you have to love yourself and the degree to which you are able to give love is relative to the amount of self love you have. For example; if you love yourself you will treat your loved ones right otherwise the pain you will feel when they leave reminds you that you had better love yourself and not forget it or you might make mistakes that will teach you to love yourself more the next time if you are lucky.

Answer 5

i had a friend like that, she was nice to every else but herself.
every1 took her 4 granted, then i became her friend.
instead of listenning to her saying 'no , its ok'
i did it, and u know what she appreciated it.
well, i guess u have good friends, but to become selfish u have to be in the enviroment.

like a plce where u can get spoiled , u will take them 4 granted instead

Answer 6

It is easy to learn. I am currently able to love myself 2-3 times a day when I have time.

Answer 7

good question. though i'm not the person to answer it, i suggest you also post this question in the psychology section because it requires the combined knowledge of philosophy and psychology about human nature.