superficial, how to develop depth?

Question

I'm afraid i have no "depth" what should I do? I care a lot about appearances. I take hard courses in school, but I'm really lazy. My grades are alright, but I feel a bit dumb sometimes. I admire how others seem to be able to express their thoughts eloquently and I wonder how they are better than me in that aspect when we're taking the same classes. Whenever i have free time, i end up wasting it, like i would go out and waste time, or search for music, or surf youtube, surf the internet, play games, read useless articles on the net, and such. And at the end of the day, I feel like I've wasted it and accomplished nothing. What do I do? I know this probably is pathetic, but this doesn't depress me either, which I'm not sure is a good thing or bad thing. I'm in high school. Advise please?

Answer 1

You've outlined some problems here. Why not take the time to outline some solutions for yourself. What's causing this laziness you gripe about? Why are you wasting your time with silly stuff when you could be doing something constructive for yourself or for others? You just need to get yourself in gear and stop whining about all this.

Answer 2

You sound like you totally unhappy with yourslef as a person. You need to find yourself and what really makes you tick. Instead of surfing the net etc, why not join some clubs, maybe sports or youth clubs. Make some friends and get some life exprience. How about volunteer that is a very selfless thing to do and you will meet lots of geat people. All the experience you gain from this will help you develop some of the depth that you are seeking. Also start living your life according to YOU, NOT what others are like or look like. Or what you look like. You are still young!

Answer 3

Firstly, we all need time to just potter and think without any pressure. It keeps your imagination functioning and allows you to develop ideas. Some time off is not necessarily time wasted.

Secondly, if you want to develop yourself, analyse what you are really interested in. What sections of Answers, or sections of newspapers, or magazines, books, TV programmes, do you find most interesting? Now pursue that by volunteering, taking a part-time job in or joining an organisation that has something to do with that interest. Simply joining can be good, but doing something active will develop you much better.

If you feel you don't understand world events and the news, listen regularly to quality providers. I'm in the UK, so would point you to www.bbc.co.uk . These people email me - they seem to do some reasonably balanced explanations of what is going on.

"KnowledgeNews"

Ask your teachers, and in particular your school librarian, for good sources and about how to extend yourself generally - it's their job to help you do this and they will be really pleased if you put your question to them. Do you have any societies or clubs at school which would extend your existing interests? Or could you try a couple to see if you are interested or not?

Others may seem further ahead in this than you, but that is an irrelevance. Just concentrate of making the most of the opportunities open to you and making yourself aware of what you need to do to create some if that is the case.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

How do people in your classes seem more advanced than you? Well, they probably read more, come from families that discuss those topics, and care more than you do.

If you didn't think it was a problem, you wouldn't bother asking our advice. So, you must care to some extent. How old are you? Often girls go through a phase like this. I went through it when I was about 16, but I've noticed over the years (I'm 27 now) that it seems to happen at a younger age. I don't know how other people cured it, but I went to the library, to the non-fiction section, and picked a book of each shelf. Then I made myself go home and read them. No cheating by flicking through and returning it, I had to actually read them all from cover to cover. I read all sorts of stuff, from ship building to chromosomal disorders. It was easier to become interested than it was to continue reading stuff that bored me. By the end of that stack of books, I was over that phase. Reading such a variety made me realise that there were more interesting things around to think about than I thought.

So, something like that may help you. It will certainly widen your general knowledge, then you won't have to feel so uninformed. When someone says something in class that you've never heard of, make a note in your diary so you can go home and check Wikipedia. True, it isn't the most reliable source, but it's enough to give you an idea of what they were on about. Look around at the people you admire. Not for their looks, but for their character traits or skills. If you admire someone for their eloquence, try increasing your vocabulary and become informed about current affairs. Think of a skill you'd like to have, or think you ought to have, and devote the next year to learning it. While I was at uni I couldn't afford any "proper" hobbies, so I focused on my cooking skills. I could cook already, but that two years of intense study (I had to cook every other night!) and the cooking I've done since, means I am familiar enough with the art to be able to modify recipes, figure out how to improve them for next time, and have tried Indian, African and Latin American cooking. I've experimented with bread baking, cooking gluten free recipes, grains other than wheat and rice, played around with culinary lavender, and started learning medieval cookery. This year I tried a bunch of new crafts, including tabletweaving, knitting, fingerloop braiding, dressmaking, freeform embroidery and dyeing with natural dyes. Next year I'm going to learn to machine knit and crochet. Pick something and make it your New Years Resolution. There's a lot of free time to be had in a whole year, so start now, and by this time next year, you'll be reasonably proficient at whatever you started out to do. Make it a family project, if someone else is interested. Pretend you decide to learn to knit. Get a book like http://www.amazon.com/200-Knitted-Blocks-Traditional-Contemporary/dp/1564775968/ref=pd_sim_b_title_3 and make it a family competition. Who can knit the most different style blocks by the end of next year? Whoever wins gets to choose the craft challenge for the following year. If you all use the same size needles and same thickness of wool, you'll be able to sew them together and make a blanket (or two) to donate to charity next Christmas. Learning a new skill, and giving are good ways to make you feel useful. Then you can use your new skill to make funky "one of a kind" clothes and accessories for yourself and your friends. I'm in the SCA, and you can always tell other SCAers, because they all carry a small embroidery project in their bag. When they are out, as soon as they finish their coffee, they whip out their embroidery and sew while they chat. We're all busy people, and don't have the luxury of the amount of spare time you have. By grabbing all those spare moment though, stuff does get done!

In the meantime, work with your strengths. If you are so concerned about appearances, you must know a lot of fashion techniques. Help your friends and relatives by doing their hair for them when they go out.

Answer 5

Two words: community service.