My husband rules our home with an iron hand. I recently put my two sons on my cell phone plan, which I pay for. Now he says that our sons should either pay for their own, and the youngest whom is in college shouldn't have a cell phone at all. He tells me who I can and can't be friends with. I recently became a board member for a charitable group whom does so many good things for community, etc. He feels that one board member is hitting on me so I shouldn't take part anymore. This is unfair and untrue. I enjoy working with these people who do fundraisers for people in need, sponsor college scholarships. Now he told me that HE will be in control of my cell phone as well, I am supposed to give him the password for the voicemail, etc. He controls the purse strings. What can I do? I have threatened to leave, but I have no money..I do have a part time job, but not enough money from that to sustain me.
2007-12-27 18:44:15 · 27 answers · asked by Pepper07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So many good answers, but I will add some details. I tried getting a post office box, and somehow he found out about it, and was so angry with me and demanded I close it. My little checks from work he thinks all need to be deposited in our joint bank account. I did leave him a few years ago for about 24 hours. He claimed he was worried and was glad when he found I was at work. He claims he loves me, but we are to do as he demands. I have tried to talk to him, he just doesn't listen to reason. I give in alot because I just can't cope with the crap I will have to put up with if I don't. I work hard at home trying to keep the house neat, cooking good meals. But the kids confide in me and not in him because he just doesn't give them a chance. I just don't know where to start. I want to leave, just what am I going to survive on. I am rural so distance to work is a far commute. I can't afford an apt.
2007-12-27 19:30:06 · update #1
If you have no prenup, you can get lots of money from a divorce settlement. You need to leave- your kids are grown up.
2007-12-27 18:47:14 · answer #1 · answered by BOOOOOO 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am assuming you are middle aged since your boys are out of the house. He is correct about one thing, they should pay for their part of the cell phone bill. They are old enough to start being responsible for things. That is the only thing he is right about. You sound like you are living a miserable life. At some point you will decide that money doesn't matter as much as your sanity does. Save money, get an excellent lawyer that is a bigger bastard than him, and start planning an escape.....you deserve a better life. Involve a counselor or therapist in your quest for a new more satisfying life.
2007-12-27 19:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by Soapflake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you continue to let him dictate he will do exactly that. I would not give him my password and I would not quit as a board member to your group. I would start by getting a different job where you work more hours so you can save up some money and be able to take care of yourself. You need to be independent. Your boys are adults and he cannot say if they can have a cell phone or not. It will take some doing but it will be worth it in the end. Do not give into him.
2007-12-27 19:27:44 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have any friends or family that you can go stay with? You need to get out of there ASAP. Can you ask for more hours at work? Or possibly a promotion? If not, try finding another job that you may like. There are always options, I promise. Don't let this man rule your life anymore.
2007-12-27 18:48:21 · answer #4 · answered by Just Tryin' to Help 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Most of the replies here pretty much sums it up. You have options, your life or your children's lives are not worth it, call an assistance service and move on out. Wait till he goes to work, most of there exits are done in a couple of hours, he'll come home to a restraining order and divorce papers.
Then life starts, your own choices, your own money and of course your own life. Not going to be easy, but standing on your own two feet seldom is.
2007-12-27 19:02:30 · answer #5 · answered by socialmember 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like a narcissist. I know how hard it is to leave after all these years of putting up with his behavior, but I agree with the earlier answers. He is literally suffocating the life right out of you, and I am confident he will only continue to get worse. Soon he may not even let you leave the house!?
2007-12-27 19:14:26 · answer #6 · answered by clayinspiration 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First have your sons pay for their own phone bill, they are old enough to do that. Get a better paying job or a second one. Stash some cash for an apartment and get out. Why are you putting up with that? Stop making threats, he know's you're bluffing, just move on.
2007-12-27 19:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by bobcatlady2u 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A MAN WILL ONLY DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO!
Open an account that he doesn't know about. Make sure you have the mail for that account to go somewhere else. Save your money. Save enough to get you started in an apartment. Then give him an ultimatum.
2007-12-27 18:57:54 · answer #8 · answered by kisses and hugs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you need to seek a marriage counselor or call Dr. Phil. It sounds like your husband has a inferiority complex he needs to address. It also sounds like you are newly weds. There are programs that can help you get out of a abusive relationship.
I wish you the best. A family that prays together stays together.
2007-12-27 19:46:17 · answer #9 · answered by the doctor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell Hitler to hit the road. The house is part yours also and he is no longer welcome to stay in your half. If you have the time, try and work full time or move in with a friend for awhile until you can get back on your feet. A marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
2007-12-27 18:51:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him to hit you.
File for a Protection From Abuse Order (PFA)
This will prevent him from being in the house and anywhere near you, your home address, your parents address and your place of employment. He will have to pay some spousal support and if he violates the order, he goes to jail
2007-12-27 18:48:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋