I'm here, all the time, with my baby girl, and im 8 months pregnant with our second. He's in tx right now, and im in Louisiana (its only an hour and a half away, but still) He told me tonight...again,....that he didnt know what he wanted....blah blah. this is after....numerous attempts to work it out...but everytime, ...when it comes down to it "he doesnt know what he wants"....but while he's off figuring out who or what he wants to be in life...or even who he wants to be with.....im here with my babies....i want them to have a good life! i love him, and i want our family to be together! I put aside all my dreams to try and do that, and im not complaining! i love being a mom, but why do i have to give up so much, and he gives up nothing? How do you get over the father of your children...not wanting to be a family after so long? going back and forth trying to work it out with all your heart, and nothing is good enough? i dont understand. im not the one doing wrong...so why?
2007-12-27 18:35:36 · 8 answers · asked by Jada and Ty's mommy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i dont understand how i wind up thiiiiis huuuurt....when im not the one that gets caught in the lies...(that he tells not to hurt me)...yeah like that works....
Why do i have to want to be with someone soooo bad, that doesnt want to be with me. I really wanted things to work....I guess i had this picture in my head of a perfect family...which we were for a brief period when we lived together....i just want that back....
idk....i guess im just loooking for encouraging words.
2007-12-27 18:37:53 · update #1
yeah i chose him, because he was a different person when i did!! and if you havent been through this...dont answer....gah. i'm looking for ways i can work through this...do you think you're actually helping when you say things like that? I hope not, because you are extremely misled! If you havent walked in my shoes...don't judge me hun. thanks
2007-12-27 18:44:31 · update #2
It is so hard because you had one idea of what your life was going to be like and he crushed that. Now the prospect of being on your own and starting over with two little ones can be very scary. I would not wait and see if he wanted me and his kids. I would make up his mind for him. He should have figured this out two kids ago. It is hard to move on but it is not impossible. You will be busy with the kids and you can do it. Do not feel like you are not good enough, you tried and he does not deserve you. Numerous attempts, do not add any more.
2007-12-27 19:35:44 · answer #1 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just forget everything about him till he... "figures out wat he wants". Don't rely on him, he doesn't seem so stable to his choises.If I were in your shoes, I would keep some contact, especially if I was in love, but I would try to get over him, since he doesn't seem so close to me and my problems.There are plenty of men out there that would suppoert you and would be more stable.Sometime you will meet the right one,you are so young!And you need a real father for your children,one that would be a real role model.
Now you are not alone anymore.You have your babies to take power from.And if he doesn't seem ready to sacrifise a little something while you have given up everything, he does not deserve what he has. Your family is already complete.As your babies will be growing up, you will feel it.You don't need anyone else.Now you should get some support from your friends and maybe family.Till you see it all clear and feel in your skin again. Till you are ready and strong enough.
It is not good for your health now that you are pregnant again.If you cannot do this with a baby around, imagine how you will do it with 2. Just try to relac and right choices will come to your mind. Relax because you need it.Talk to a friend, mother whoever you need and can understand you.This is not the right place, many of us care only for those f*cking two points and don't really give a damn for your problems. What you need is real people, real support.
I would say that you visit a psychologist or something, but I know I would seem stupid, because I don't think that you have such a budget that you can afford it.So find a good friend.God bless you.
2007-12-28 07:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by RandomChildishWall 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its he wants the family or not, he has to choose. You tried and hes not coming around so you have to let him go. He doesn't want to step up, just let him go and stop having baby's by him. My sister was in that same situation, the only difference know is she has four kids and one more on the way by the same guy. But he still dont know what he wants. You cant tie someone down by having children with that person. Hes never going to take you serious, its just those kind of men that are afraid of having to give up their freedom. So just move on with your life his not going to take you serious.
2007-12-28 03:06:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be hard to get over an ex, especially when there are children involved. The key is to stay focused. Don't give up on your dreams..delay does not mean they are over. Yes, you have 2 children, but you can still move on. Rededicate yourself to yourself. Plan for you and your kids. If he is meant to be-he will be. Stop asking him about what he wants... if he wanted you, he would be with you. He obviously makes himself available when it's time to make a baby (no offense). Focus on what you want to do for you and those kids. It will work out... I have been through it.
2007-12-28 02:52:26 · answer #4 · answered by Queen Entreprenuer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I left my son's father and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself and my son. At first, its scary...BUT TRUST ME, you'll look back and say "why did I try to convince someone to want to be with me???" by the way, i look at him now and feel sorry for him because I graduated college and have a career and it seems like he's way behind. He goes to court saying he's going to get a job soon to pay me child support...funny thing is, we made good money together.
2007-12-28 03:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Giselina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the women club. I know exactly how you feel men do not typically have to sacrifice what women do.
Right now you are in a phase of your life where you will have to sacrifice your first job is to be a mother. Don't worry about guys for now just do what is best for your kids whether that be going to school or joining a play group.
Suffer today and party tomorrow it will get easier just enjoy those kids for now and don't refuse help.
2007-12-28 02:47:13 · answer #6 · answered by Spoonfull of Sugar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just focus on you and your lil ones. it sound like he's very selfish. but men have a habit of doing what you allow him to do. don't allow him to get to you. it also sounds like he likes the idea. and then when it sets in he can't deal with being a real man. take some time to your self. ignore him completly for bout a month and see how you feel.
2007-12-28 02:53:09 · answer #7 · answered by kisses and hugs 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Everything that hurts you is your doing to a certain degree. You chose this guy. Your mistake. Give up the "why me?" line.
2007-12-28 02:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋