Writer seeking honest input..please :D?

Question

Obviously still on a rough draft; I'm not asking for a thorough critique, I would just really appreciate it if you would read this entire beginning to what I am writing (I have more than this, but I'm obviously not going to post it all). I realize this is somewhat long to be posting here, but I really need some outside advice, honest input please.

She sighed with discontentment as the world continued to turn. Even though she did not see it, the earth did spin. Even though the world did not see it, her heart did ache. It ached with a deep longing that she feared would never be fulfilled. Or couldn’t, she mused, couldn’t. Maybe it was impossible to satisfy.
The swift, cool breeze carrying on from the ocean sent shivers through her body. She gazed at the luminous full moon as it bestowed a lane of light upon the depthless, navy waters. Its path shimmered as the seas remained calm. The unbounded veil of black above held the wishes of many young children; there was no telling the number of hopes and dreams each star compressed. She became a child again for a mere moment in hope that some far-off star would hear and grant her unspoken wish. The clouds proceeded to roll across the skies, while further concealing the aspirations of her heart.
Pulling the blanket closer around her, she arose slowly and took in a deep breath. Tomorrow was another day, she reminded herself, each new dawn brings a new beginning and new opportunities, as her grandmother used to advise. She opened the screen door and drudged her way up the stairs. Longingly, she crawled beneath the downy blankets, and sunk into a much-needed, restful slumber.
She awoke the next morning to the sound of two lively, spirited young girls, both of whom quivered with excitement. Their shrill voices carried through the air and into her room. Even just two and the giggling was perpetual.

Thank you. I think later on she will move into thinking more about God rather than just the infinite universe. I will edit that bit about the blanket and the screen door so it flows in a smoother manner. Thank you. I'm just 15 years old, an aspiring, hopeful writer at heart I suppose :)

Answer 1

It definitely gets a person's attention. How did she pull the blanket closer around her and then open up the screen door? Was she walking draped in a blanket? (third paragraph) That part seems rather strange to me. Other than that, it's very good detail. I wonder if the girl ever thinks about God, as opposed to just wishing on the stars? Just an idea. It's a good opening though. You're talented.

Answer 2

The answer you got from Fuzz was pretty much what I was going to say. I was surprised that she could "pull the blanket around her" - was she in bed? No, she went upstairs afterward.

I really like the ocean and the clear sky. Was her window open? Why did she get chilled?

Rather than moving into religion, I would develop the stars idea. A little magic can go a long way.

What was she longing for?

The last sentence is awkward. Because their giggling was perpetual, it was hard to believe there were only two girls. ?

Does your story have a plan? Where is it going?