I am 18 and my boyfriend and I are thinking about having a baby.?

Question

We have been together for 2 years and he is 19 and I will be 19 in 6 months. We live in an apartment together and we have been thinking about this for quite some time. We are financially stable enough to have a child, and his grandparents would move up to this area to help watch the baby. We have been thinking about having a baby for about 3 months now, and he just proposed to me, and everything just seems to be working out perfectly. I want to hear everyones opinion about this...I know its a lifetime commitment. I know what im getting myself into.
Here are some reasons why I cant wait much longer:
*My dad wont be alive for too much longer and he has no grandkids
*my bfs great grandma wants to live to see great great grandkids but shes not going to live much longer
* I want to be closer to my kids' age so we can have extra bonding

Those aren't all the reasons, but they are some. What is your opinon on this?

As I said, the reasons about family members arent the main reasons I want to have a child, but just some of the reasons why I really want one now. =)

I believe that I can make it WITHOUT state aid. Ive had a savings account since before I was born, and so has my boyfriend, so we have more than enough money. Plus we work full time at great paying jobs (over $10 an hour) and i just got promoted.

Answer 1

I say go for it! You provided the information that you are financially stable, that you've talked about it for some length of time, and that you are in a committed relationship. I think you should be married before you have the baby. I normally don't feel that way-I dont think people should be married just because the woman got pregnant-that can just add more strain and stress if the man feels pressured into marriage; however, because you are already engaged, I think you should go ahead and get married. :) I wish my parents were around to see my daughter-I think it's sweet that you want to provide a grandchild/great great grandchild-as long as its also what you want (which it seems like it is). Good luck! My last piece of advice is when you do get pregnant, don't stress out and enjoy every minute of it-even the pain and discomfort toward the end...when you have your baby, a part of you will most likely miss being pregnant.

Answer 2

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I agree with the majority, I would definitely wait. I only say this because of experience. I got married when I was 19, and I just had my first baby (I'm 20). I love my son with all my heart and I would never give him up for anything, but I wouldn't recommend having a baby at a young age. For one, it really puts a stress on your relationship. A lot of people think having a baby will bring them closer, and for some people this may be true, but I think for most people it is a large added stress. First there is the sleep deprivation, which makes both people a lot more irritable. Then, there is the added financial burden. Then there is the fact that you will not be able to spend as much quality time with each other as you were able to spend together before. Not to mention, you will have this baby forever, so that means no more partying, no more going out with friends or anything unless you can find a babysitter. You aren't even 21, so you aren't even able to go to a bar and drink yet. I had my baby before I turned 21 (I turn 21 in October), and before I had the baby I wanted to go to a bar and drink with friends on my birthday, just have some fun, but I won't be doing that this year. Anyway, it's an exchange you have to make and I was ready and willing to make it. But just know that having a baby isn't easy and there are a lot of sacrifices that you will have to make, so I would definitely make sure that you are ready for this. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be, that's for sure.

Answer 3

I think it's a mistake. 19 is very young. At 22 or 24, you'd still be quite the young mum. But 19 and engaged is rather risky. Too many early marriages fail, and too many young women end up struggling financially.

Yes, it's possible your child might not know some family members. But that's a lousy reason to have a kid. First, you plain don't know how long ANYONE is going to live. Second, if these are your top-of-mind reasons, then you sound a little too influenced by your family to be a strong, independent adult mother to a child.

As for the idea that you'll be closer to your kids' age, here's my perspective: I was 31 when my son was born. I'd lived on my own in the big city, traveled the world, earned an advance degree, taken some risks, done some stupid things. I'm 31 years older than my son, sure. But I've had so much life experience that I'm probably more likely to understand his choices and opportunities than if I'd had him at 19, when my world was smaller and narrower.

If you love your boyfriend and believe he's the one, get married. But give yourselves time to adjust to marriage - which is, even if you're living together - a big change. Build a strong foundation, and have a child in a few years. With luck, your dad will still be there. And if that's not the case, you can always tell your children about what a great guy he is and how much you loved him.

Respectfully, it sounds like you're caught up in the romantic idea of having a child. It's nearly impossible to know what you're getting yourself into - especially at such a young age.

Answer 4

From a personal standpoint I would say to wait on it. My first FT job paid $10/hr and didn't get me hardly anywhere. However, it all depends on where you live... I'm in a major city where I spend a lot on gas commuting to/from work, rent's higher than it is in most places, etc.

There really is no perfect time, though, to have a baby. If you feel ready, and you have the means to provide for the child, then it's no one else's place to tell you not to do it. I'm only 23, but here I am, pregnant. When I start showing, some people are probably going to give me that unsolicited (not to mention a little too late) advice that I'M too young to be having kids.

Just look at it this way - there are some 18-year-olds who are far more mature than any 30-year-old will ever be. It's not your age that counts, but how you plan to provide for your child.

Answer 5

I would say wait until you're married just because that way you can experience all the fun married stuff together...but if I had a parent, like you described...I would be having the same thoughts. I got pregnant 6 months after I got married and wished I had waited so we could have "married" time together. But I'm 38 weeks pregnant now,,,and so very excited. Also, my husband's mom - who has been healthy her whole life, has been diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months at most to live. She has always wanted grandkids...so I believe God knows above everything what he is doing! I consider this baby a blessing...and am so happy we are about to have our baby to share it with his mom during her last moments here on earth. I would support you either direction you go! Good luck!

Answer 6

My advice is to wait. For one, $10 an hour is nothing. For two, you are 18! Don't you want to live at least a little? I really don't think it's about maturity-- it sounds like you have your act together, it's about the things you will have a much harder time doing for yourself if you have a kid. You might not want to go to school right now, but you'd be surprised at how priorities can change in just a couple of years. I will be 23 when I have my baby. Luckily I have a well paying job with 'career' potential (as does my boyfriend), but I'm still a little upset at the things I am going to be putting on hold for this baby. Please, just really think about what you want. In the end, that's all that matters. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

In MY opinion, WAIT! You are an adult, you are about to get married and living on your own, all great. But you are 18!
Go to college. Trust me, you will want to. Its great that you are financially stable and all, but babies cost ALOT of money and then you are going to want to give them the world. You have to take care of yourself to be the best mommy you can be. Sew your wild oats, get it out of the way. And I am sorry, but NO ONE knows what they are getting themselves into until they actually have a baby. I took care of my nieces and nephews for years before I had a baby and it was still a huge shock.

Giving your dad a grandchild and your fiances great grandma a great great grandchild would be nice, but that is not a reason to have a child. You are the one that has to raise that child for the rest of your life because it NEVER ends... even after they are 18 and move out and go off to college, it does NOT end. It is a LIFE LONG commitment, from the moment of conception, until you take your dieing breath that will be your child and you will always worry and will always have to take care of them in some way.

Answer 8

i know you want someone to tell you yes or no but i think you should consider this: what is you become pregnant and cant work because you are to sick to work will your boyfriend be there? has he proven that he can stand the test of time. i am 22 and trying to conceive but i am much more mature than many of my friends. what kind of system will you work out in order to care for that child? what if you have more than one baby can you and your boyfriend handle that? i know a couple who were not married had a baby and before that baby was a year old they split because they realized that they were not the same people anymore. also i leave you with one thought how long have you two been together? Also please i urge you to make sure that you can deal with being a mama because ive seen too many neglected babies because the parents had them too young.

Answer 9

Read your question then read it again. The Bible teaches that: "Fornication is a sin against God. Sin is transgression of the law of God" (I John 3:4).
You can not have a child just to please or make happy someone either. All children born to us are not "our" children per se they are children of God and gifts to us from him. However it is our responsibility to teach them the word of God and what is right and what is wrong. What you are planning to do is morally accepted as wrong.
Children are like new hard drives. They know nothing until you upload information to them that can not be erased completely. If the child you plan on having finds out he or she was conceived for "gramps" you make it all right for that child to do so as well. You are but a child wanting to have a child.
Slow down. There is plenty of time.
Life is a one way road with many forks to choose from. Choose the wrong one and and you will never be able to go back to change your mind or your choice. All you can do is look back and hopefully have learned something form your past bad choice. Don't do this to yourself. Worse yet DO NOT do this to an innocent child of God.

Answer 10

i wouldnt recommend it. i had a baby at 19 and everything changed i love my son he is my whole reason for living but live your life while you can get your education. travel. get a nice car. buy a house. go to clubs. watch lots of movies. do everything because once the baby comes that is your life forever! between work and my son sometimes i dont even get to take a shower let alone eat or take a minute to myself. i honestly beleive you should get married first being married is very different than living together (trust me) see if you guys last as a couple before you have a child. you will thank me later.