Roles of men and women?

Question

When women were supposed to submit to men, women were miserable, and men were a bit irrational (no offense men!) alot of the time treating women as property and taking advantage of them. Now, women are not as upset about their gender roles, and SOME men are more upset than they were, and I think that if equal opportunities were made for both sexes, and men and women could CHOOSE what role they wanted to play in the family, and just role with it, it would be SOOO much easier! Think about it. No pressure, just the equal opportunity to be yourself, not the feminist ideal girl, or the submissive ideal wife. I am sure that many would choose both, and there would be no problem. I think that many women feel like they have to be in charge of their lives when they don't want to, and that many women feel like they must "submit" when they don't want to. Does anyone agree?

Answer 1

I live in the UK and I think it's the other way round. Because of women's liberation we are 'free' to be what we want but I think women nowadays feels that they SHOULD be having a career, and shouldn't be having kids. Like women that choose to be a housewife are looking down upon by career women.

But, my husband and I live entirely as you suggested. We don't believe there are real gender differences, it's just what society tries to label them with. We are two individuals and we are who we want to be and we are blissfully happy. My husband goes to work full time in an office, and I work part time at home with my own business/look after teh home but if anything, he is probably the more submissive partner in the relationship and that's how we both like it.

I think something that should be made clear to teh world, is that just because a woman chooses to be a house person or stay at home with teh kids doesn't mean she is submissive. People always label a housewife/mother with being submissive but it's not true. I may be the main house person but I am the more dominant member of the partnership and although my husband has a well paid job he looks up to me and admires me.

Answer 2

To put a note on Jill's answer. It is true that there are more female graduates than male at the moment in several countries, but that is being remedied with changes in secondary education systems. In short, in the countries where female graduates exceed male graduates, this is because the secondary education systems have been set up to do exactly that. In countries such as Germany, the number of female and male graduates are approximately equal. In terms of women marrying down, they have a much higher divorce rate than women marrying across or up. Also most men do not marry up (apart from losers and those wanting a Mother figure). Most Tradesmen marry similar classed women and are mainly not interested in those from a higher class. A lot of Tradesmen earn more than women who do loser degrees such as social science anyway. Professional men such as me often date down and often end up marrying that way (if they marriage to any woman). That is why there are so many single professional women around - most of them cannot find suitable boyfriends/husbands. Men date and marry across and down. Women try to date and marry across and up. The roles of men have not changed that much, except that less are marrying and the number of gays go up each year. The roles of women have changed, as they now have to look after children and hold down a full time job. There are also many more single mothers around.

Answer 3

Yes, roles suck because inevitably somebody is forced into a role that doesn't suit them and they are miserable trying to live up to what society tells them they should be. And wouldn't it suck if you were forced into a role that was less valued in society? When women were unnaturally forced into subservient roles society undervalued their contributions and the men took advantage of their priviledges.

Ideally, everyone should appreciate each individuals contributions and not undervalue them because they thought the other to be insuperior. Men have historically given themselves more credit for their contributions while ignoring the contributions of women. Everyone wants to be valued and respected for the work they do, whether it brings money and or nuturing and nourishment.

Unfortunately, the work that came with the role traditionally forced upon women was undervalued compared to those roles given to men. Naturally, the women began resenting being forced to do work that nobody respected and instead pursued work that brought them more respect and autonomy.

Answer 4

An interesting theory... However, I do have a question: why do we want to please anyone and everyone with our politically correct statements? In a real world universal happiness is not possible. Someone is always going to be upset about something or someone. Let's just leave it to each and every family to figure things out for themselves in order to be content with their unique situation.

Answer 5

Freedom of choice to make up your own rules? Agreed.

Emotions run high when you mention a man being in charge. It's not socially or politically cool or correct. How many times have I heard a man say "I need to ask my wife if that's OK"....but if a woman says the same thing about her husband, she will be looked down upon like she's weak and oppressed.

People need to follow their preferences and do what works for them, according to their beliefs, personality and values. If you want your husband to wear your thong at night and bake cookies, good for you. That's what you like, more power to you. But please don't try to enforce one universal rule of structure (or lack thereof) for all families. And there is no logic behind "all equal, compromising" structure. There is always one person (unofficially) in charge and in most modern cases, it seems to be the woman, which is socially acceptable.

Every time I put up a question indicating that I want the man to be the head of my household, I get at least two or three emails telling me that I seem to be smart and I deserve much better. WTF? My assumption is people automatically associate any power in the hands of a man with corruption and oppression, followed by dictatorship and lack of care/love. And if that's the case, why would I want to marry and sleep next to one every night?

The equality talk really needs to stop at the legal level. Let people live their lives and choose their lifestyle and structure of their family without having to feel guilt or being looked down upon.

Answer 6

I like your view on that. I don't like relationships where one person forcibly "wears the pants" I don't understand how anyone could live like that. I am in a 50-50 kinda thing, I know my boundaries, and when to relenquish control of things.

Answer 7

We can already [at least in western countries] choose our own roles in life as you say.. And I think most people do do this.

No one should be forced into certain roles or molds. Ever.

Answer 8

I believe men and women are equal and that women can work if they want to. It's better if they do.

Answer 9

Interesting theory. I'll have to ponder it before I know if I agree or not.

Answer 10

I do not know whether to agree or not, as your presentation is much too simplistic.