I'm upset with my family.?

Question

I am only 19 years old and I just had a baby in august. my first one! I wanted to look for Halloween costume for her, but my husbands mother bought one, and I didn't want to be rude and be like no. So I made it clear I was going to do everything first for my daughter.

Christmas dresses were coming out and I was so excited to get her one, I went with my mother to the store and I found some I liked, but my mom told me that my husbands family already bought a cute one. My feelings were hurt and I let them know that it upset me.

So I was going to just buy one and use one for Xmas and Xmas eve, and then I was working soo much and I was thinking where to take her for Santa, and my sister took her without letting me know. She got her pictures taken and on the front page paper! I was upset soo upset, so I was going to take her the weekend before xmas, and then I was helping my husbands family move and we were talking. My sister in law told me are you still upset about your sister taking

Trinity to see Santa, and I said yes my feelings are still hurt and she told me in front of her mother, and grandma that::

Tooo bad your going to have to get over it because we took her to see santa too.

And I cried and cried and I was upset how does family just want to hurt you. I don't want their help I don't ask them for anything. I let them know that they can't take my daughter because I don't trust them. I think they just want to hurt me. And the grandma was like well don't watch the baby dont buy anything for the baby until she realizes that you are the aunt and grandma and you can do what you want.

I went outside to talk to my husband and let him know I was upset and they came out and yelled at me saying I was yelling at him for his family. My husband cares but not as much as me.

I really can't stand their family. What would you guys do if this happened to you. I am a first time mother and this stuff is really special to me.

I even let them know that I was fine we can do Christmas dress shopping together or santa together, it was just something i wanted to see.

Answer 1

no i think it is right that you are upset. i would be too! my in-laws always offer to get things and take him places but they ALWAYS include me in it. for example they wanted to buy his crib, car seat, stroller, halloween costume and other things since he was born, they ALWAYS made me pick it out and they just paid.

i think you should start refusing things if it makes you feel that bad. say that you already bought a costume so you dont need it... things like that.

"Firsts" are important, especially for new parents. dont let them take ALL of it away. be honest tell them how you feel. if they dont understand, that is their problem not yours.

Answer 2

I can understand that you are upset by the actions of your family. I don't, however, think that you are justified in not trusting them. You have described them as being very loving and competent with your daughter. Their love, however, does not give them the right to go against your wishes, but they sound like they just want to enjoy your baby. One idea could be for you to set aside one day ever week or two for your family to dote over your daughter, to take her places and do things with her. In future situations like the ones you had with the Halloween costume and Christmas dress, maybe you could just not worry about offending them. Explain that you really appreciate their love, take a bunch of pictures of your daughter in the clothes, and then have her wear what you picked out for her. You could be polite and kind, and then go and make your own 'first' moments with her. Besides, those firsts are going to be so great when she does them with you, even if she has done them before. You are always going to be her most special person. Good luck!

Answer 3

That is awful. I dont know if you are a laid back person or not but you have to stand up for yourself. I am 20 and I have a 1 year old and I would never let my husbands family or my own go that far. She is your daughter, you do things together as a family....a family as in you her and your husband. If they want to buy her clothing tell them what she needs and if you want to get her something then you tell them right out that you already have that covered thank you....as for the Santa you let everyone know that she will go with you to see him. Put your foot down.
And im sorry but if your husband isnt going to say or do anythng about it you are going to have to be the one to do it. Dont let them take away these memories from you and your daughter.

Answer 4

I cant believe they would even pick a fight with you about something so petty as that. Your a mother, and you needed those "firsts" experience, and they took it away. And they didnt even invite you to go on the shopping trips. You could've always booked the time off or gotten to go home early.
I'd probably wait a couple weeks, and call them on the phone to say hi and solve the problem in a mature way by saying something like this:
"hello, this is _____ calling, how have you been? hows the kids?did you hear the lastest gossip with britney? man it sure has been snowy out!@ blah blah blah, hey you know whats been bugging me and I just wanted to clear the air. When you took my daughter out to get her first dress and to see santa for the first time, it hurt me that you didnt invite me and I just wanted to tell you that. Now that I've said it, I'm going to forget that it ever happened and maybe next year I would like to go to the mall with you, maybe have lunch and get a christmas dress?
Trust me, it will shock them, and humble them.

Answer 5

I think you are being selfish. Did it ever occur to you that your whole family is excited over your baby? You should be happy that they want to do things with her and spend time with her. No one is trying to show you up. They are trying to be part of her life. Just because they bought an outfit before you did doesn't mean you can't also buy one. You could have taken a picture of your daughter in the Halloween costume to show the family,and then bought a different outfit that you wanted her to wear. Same thing with the Christmas dresses. There are several weeks that those dresses could have been worn. You still could have bought a dress. As for seeing Santa,who cares? Let her see Santa many times. Take tons of pictures. She's a lucky little girl to have so much family that want to make her holidays special. You could still have taken her to see Santa. You need to learn to share the important moments in your daughters life. No one is trying to one up you. You are lucky that your daughter is surrounded by so much family and so many people that love her. Let them make memories with your daughter,too. You still can do all the same things and make your own memories. Kids can never have too much love or too much attention from family. Your daughter is blessed. Put away your jealousy and learn to be gracious and thankful for the family members that obviously love your little girl so much!

Answer 6

I have not read the rest of it, but i would be VERY upset!! Ifyou have tried talking to them and still nothing, then i would resort to yelling! Just what i would do! That is not something to meddle in. The dresses were not that bad, just dont put her in them, but the pictures!!! That is a BIG first!! I dont know what to tell you, you dont want to loose the support and help from the fam, but there are some things that only parents should do!

Answer 7

It might not be that serious hun. maybe they do it because you ARE so young. my family helps me out all the time without me even asking them for their help and I am so appreciative about it all. I'm 26 and my family will ALWAYS be there for me and vice versa. But dont get me wrong i'll tell them in a heart beat what i like and what i do not like. and they RESPECT it. But overrall they have me and my childs interest at best. because thats what family do.

Your crying and pouting only makes things worst and they are probably calling you a baby and saying you are throwing a tempertantrum by you being so young and really not completely understanding WHY they do so much for you and your child.

How about just calling a family meeting and have a heart to heart conversation with them all.

Answer 8

i was 17 when i had my daughter and my dad interfered all the time. it was so frustrating...every time i'd try to feed her he would come along with a bag of candy or something and cause her not to eat. it didn't matter what the situation was he would always take over. it was like he was in charge and i was just the babysitter. he would give her things i told her she couldn't have. let her do things i didn't want her to... anyway..... my baby is grown up now and my dad is dead. looking back on it all i think the reason he was like that is because i was only 17 and he felt like he was the experienced parent and he knew best. in his eyes he was helping me..

Answer 9

i understand ur upset.... family really doesn't mean to be mean
when they do stuff like that
the Christmas dress thing was fixable.... she should wear the one u bought her because u are her mother
as far as the Santa thing
i would have pitched a fit to... tell ur sister that that really upset you and u wanted to be there the first time she saw Santa... and that if she wants to take ur child some were she needs to OK it with you first

Answer 10

Hi there! It's obvious enough that your baby is the center of everyone's attention. So don't fret! They love your baby so much that they want to do everything for her. No worries! I experienced the same situation as you before.

I was upset at so many things. To me, mommy knows best and I wanted to give my baby her first experience ever. But when you see that your baby has been showered with alot of love from everyone, she'll becoming more livelier and happy.

Isn't this better where everyone is giving her love and attention than nothing?