Should I move out?

Question

My mom and I just had a really bad falling out. I told her that I don't like it when she lavishes too much attention on me and that I can't deal with the emotional baggage she dumps on me. She started crying and screaming and talking about how she wanted to die because she had a bad day at work and now everyone at home was being mean to her. I told her I love her and care about her but sometimes she does things that are just outrageous and I can't deal with it, so I end up avoiding her. I told her that I didn't know how to show that I loved her because everytime I do she just dumps more burdens on me. She is too needy and never gets out of the house, and I suggested she go try a new hobby and meet some people. She wouldn't stop crying and acting like I was being disrespectful and mean. She kept saying "You don't love me, I can't feel it" and "How do I know when to talk to you and when not to?"

The thing is, my mother has no boundaries and tells me things that I as her daughter just can't handle. Our relationship is so unhealthy.

Someone I know offered for me to move in with them, but they want me to pay rent and right now I just don't make that much money and can't really afford it.

What should I do to best remedy this situation? (I'm 18 now)

Answer 1

I would have a heart to heart talk with her and ask her to go to joint counseling if necessary. The worst case scenario is that you leave the house on the start of your life journey and one or both of you harbors highly negative feelings for years and years. Good luck.

Answer 2

Where ever you live should be safe, healthy, and nurturing.

You should live in a place where your boundaries are respected. You should live in a place where relationships are healthy and people can ask for help but not give you more then you can handle or is inappropriate.

However, I am sure deep down you knew that. The real issue is a financial one.

So make a finacial plan as to how you will save your money and move out. Once you move out spend some time to take care of yourself and see a therapist for what you have been through.

Financial plan
1) Save up enough for 3 months rent (find some way to pay utilities)
2) Buy a used car that you can make monthly payments on (unless you already have a car)
3) Buy a used mattress, futon, or comfortable air bed. Think about furnature later.


You are in a bad situation but don't let it get worse by moving out without a plan. Think about finaces first.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Stay w/ your mom until you can afford to get out on your own. Why don't you try to get your mom interested in certain hobbys. Maybe she just needs a little push. It sounds like she needs a support group. She sounds depressed. Does she use alcohol or drugs?

Try to get her out of the house. Maybe for some painting or bingo. Show her that you care. You never know something awful could happen and you may never see her again. My dad passed away and if I could turn back time to spend more time w/ him I would. Please think about it. You seem to be the only one that cares! Keep her busy...try to introduce her to things she can soon do on her own. Maybe yoga classes..something healthy and active. Something that will give her strength.

Good Luck. Please let me know how it goes. [e-mail].

Answer 4

If you care about your mom you should always be at her side. My understanding is that most people do care about their mothers, especially in difficult circumstances.

It's your call.