What do you do if your husband breaks a big promise that affects your life and his health?

Question

He promised to lose weight (he needs to lose 100 lbs). We started together a year ago. I have lost a ton..within 5 pounds of goal....I am active and want to go and do...he has gained weight, has more medical problems...and I am very lonely. I do not have anyone to do anything with.

Answer 1

I would wonder why you're together still.

He's trying, yet you cannot seem to see it from his side just how hard it is for him. Congrats on your weightloss, but you're so quick to judge and deem that he's worthless.

Just because you suceeded doesn't mean he has failed. MOTIVATE him instead of giving up on him.

Answer 2

Actually this is pretty common. Someone loses a bunch of weight and their life changes. You have come along, and he has stayed back. Either you have to love him for who he is, or you have to leave him and move on with your life. Be prepared though, because if you leave him, he will probably turn around and lose a bunch of weight then you will be wanting him back and he won't have anything to do with you because he will know that you only loved him in a shallow type of way. Good luck and congrats on the weight loss. I'm sorry it has brought you sadness.

Answer 3

From a husband of 24 years - I can understand your frustration. However, the one thing I have learned in my 24 years of marriage is; don't rely on HIM doing certain "things" in order for YOU to be happy. He is not at the same point in life that you are - therefore he is not ready to loose the weight that you have lost. Maybe some day he will be there - he may never reach that point. Marriage is about loving each other without condition. His intentions may have been good a year ago when he "promised" to loose the weight with you. Could he have agreed a year ago to make you happy at the time? No excuse for it - but I can relate. I don't mean to categorize, but many of we "husbands" take the easy way out - we agree to something because it buys us a little bit of relief from the pressure's we feel are being put on us. In the long run, it is more destructive - the truth ALWAYS comes out. Although your husband is a big part of your life, don't let your happiness and satisfaction in life be based on the choices he makes for his life. As your marriage evolves - enjoy your new found weight loss - do the things you enjoy doing - live your life. That may be the positive pressure he needs to get himself motivated to loose the weight he needs to loose. Pressuring him and getting upset with him WILL NOT PUSH HIM TO DO WHAT YOU WANT HIM TO DO, AND WHAT HE ALREADY KNOWS HE NEEDS TO DO - so don't waste your time and energy on it. Instead, as his health declines, let him see you feeling better and finding your satisfaction in life in ways that do not involve him (they can't since his weight is affecting his health).
Of course I do not mean finding your satisfaction in ways that would be destructive to your marriage. My wife loves music and has joined a band once a week. It get's her out of the house interacting with other adults, while I stay home with our children. As our marriages mature, we develop lifesytles that change our marriage - it doesn't have to be a change for the worse - we just change. The fact is we have to adapt to these changes in healthy ways. Your husband has to feel some negative responses to his weight gain, and they have to be strong enough to change his way of thinking. There is nothing you can do to speed this process along - except set the example, which you have done remarkable well. He has to reach the conclusion to loose weight on his own.
I can only suggest that you accept this fact of human nature - fighting it will only cause you greif. I have 4 children, and I wish so often that they could learn from my mistakes, and do exactly as I tell them so they could be spared the difficulties of learning the hard way. Life does not work that way - and I have accepted that.
You and your husband were faced with a decision a year ago. You made a decision and stuck with it. He tried (I suspect he didn't intend to follow through with it when he made it) and didn't stick with it. I can assure you it is not a personal choice he made to spite you - it probably was a promise made to make you happy - but one he was not ready to live up to.

Answer 4

You're going to have to sit him down and talk to him about this. Remind him of the goal you both set together, and then..put it on him. Ask him why HE thinks he hasn't reached his goal and has, in fact, gained weight. That weight isn't coming for nowhere, he's cheating on his diet SOMEWHERE - remind him of this if he tries to say he "doesn't know." Reiterate to him that you love him and you want him to be around for a long time, and that losing weight will help him to do that. Make him aware of the fact that it will also improve his quality of life as well - he'll be able to do more of the things he wants to, go for long walks, and have more fun without having to carry what is essentially another person around on his back all the time!

Now...help him get back on track. Ask him what he thinks would help him the MOST to stick ot his diet. Set goals. Do not set TIME goals, because everyone loses weight at their own pace, but set a goal that, say, when he's reached the 50 pound weight loss mark, you'll do something that he wants to do but is currently unable to because of his weight. Be his cheerleader. Help him stick to his goals, and you'll both be rewarded.

I wish you lots of luck, and I will be praying for you both!

Answer 5

I can truly relate to your feeling of loneliness. My fiance has a weight and serious health problems. It's difficult to try and help a person when they're not completely motivated themselves. You may have to make friends and start living life. I'm not suggesting leaving your husband. But you can't help someone that won't help themselves. Maybe seeing you go out and living life may ..............in time...........motivate him to want to join you after he starts to feel lonely. If not, don't feel bad, you still have a right to live. Marriage is "until death do us part", but you don't have to die (meaning not live life while you're still alive) just because he doesn't want to live. My only other suggestion is to consider getting couples counseling, there could be some other deep rooted issue (s) that he may not even be aware of that may lead to his lack of drive. Hope everything goes well.

Answer 6

Losing weight is very hard for most people.....and while he probably would love to keep his promise it's not working for him.

Ask him if he'd like to get some therapy to help me figure out if there's a reason why he's having a hard time getting rid of the weight.

Nagging him or making him feel bad won't work.

Answer 7

You need to tell him that you want to work out with him and you want to help him. Make it like something he would enjoy. Start giving him healther food and you guys could just run around the block for 30 minutes a day. If he doesn't listen, you need to tell him it's a big problem. Tell him you promised and he broke it and that affected you alot. Good luck!

Answer 8

Through thick and thin i think you stand beside the people you love and work out the kinks . Everyone has up and downs . All medical problems don't always come from non-exercise . Be there for him and show that you care no matter what decisions he makes in life .

Answer 9

It sounds like you didn't do a very good job motivating him to lose weight with you. Try supporting him and trying to help instead of nagging him and being worried about yourself.

Answer 10

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