How do I Take Back Control of my Relationship with a younger man.. ?? Adult Advice please?

Question

I am with a younger guy, and he totally Controls this relationship ! it makes me feel kinda crazy, because I'm the older woman. and he should be chasing after me !
Instead, I'm the one waiting for the phone to ring, and losing sleep. He visits me on his schedule. and basically dictates when we spend time together, and how much time. He controls every aspect of our relationship.
In the beginning of course, he chased after me, and sang to my music, but now tables have turned.
So tell me what I should do..?? I need step by step instructions. should I ignore his calls, start an argument and avoid him for a few days ? what will work ? I dont want to break up, because I love him, but I feel like I'm getting taken for granted.
Please no sarcastic remarks or nasty advice...I'm looking for some realistic answers to the question....thanks

Answer 1

Start doing it all your way .. or give him the highway.

You turn those tables.

Make yourself STOP waiting on the phone to ring (that is misery). Don't be available to talk on the phone. If you do talk to him -- then make it short, but sweet.

Don't be available on his schedule.

When you do spend time with him -- cut it short yourself.

Do not always be available for time to spend with him. Be doing something somewhere else - where he won't be - and you can be involved with other fun things.

RIght now - this guy probably knows that you are crazy in love with him ... and that you are hopelessly waiting on his every call .. and on your every chance to be with him. He is aware that he limits the time spent together, etc .... and ... I am willing to bet he thinks you are desperate for him ... and that he has no chances of losing you ... that you will always be there for him.

If you start taking back your life ,, and you start to taking back control .. he will probably push all of your buttons to get you back in-line again ... soooooo ... don't fall for the charm .. and don't fall for him ignoring you ... just do your own thing.

In order for you to realisticly do these things .. you need to find new & fun interests where you can go to & where you can take part in .. and where he is not around. These interests will take your time, help get your thoughts from being so much on him .. and help you to get stronger to control yourself.

You probably can't just suddenly & abruptly do these things all at once .. so take baby-steps, and achieve one small thing at a time - then before long, you will have progessed in large areas.

I know you are hurting .. but the truth probably is, that you really are being taken for granted .. and .. this may not be what you want to hear - but he does these things to you because he can do them - and he is not having respect for you ... he is running all over you. So .. just put on the brakes .. and things will stop. You can do it.

If he balks .. then his feelings for you are not genuine & real. You deserve better.

You need to get this guy's attention. It may not be an easy task - but you CAN do it. Just get determined, make your plan .. and stick to it.

Answer 2

As long as you let him dictate when and where he's going to keep doing it, why would he change if he can have a relationship that's all on his terms.

I understand not wanting to lose the relationship, been there, I found by not being so "available" it make him take notice, find his buttons to push and push them, go out with your girlfriends, take a trip with a girlfriend. You don't have to go out and cheat or anything just find ways to let him know your not always going to be sitting there waiting for him.
I seen this saying once..you need to learn it and live it

Don't make someone a priority that only makes you an option.

Answer 3

Start living your life. Need him less. He'll notice. It's hard not to become obsessed with a new lover, but if you ignore him a little bit.. maybe he will notice the slight shift in your attitude. You're going to have to keep busy, like lunch with the girls and turn your phone off and try not to look at it every five minutes. Flirt with another guy, just innocent stuff of course, get your hair done... work on improving your appearance so that when he does see you, you look undeniably fab--- confident and in control. Cuz if you remember that you are all that, he will too.

Answer 4

I dated an older woman in the past. When I meant some one else in my age area, she didn't want the the relationship to end. What you are facing is rejection. If you really love him, submit. If you want things to get better, treat this like a drug and say "NO!" If he is really interested in you, a little rejection will get his attention. If he has no feeling of care for you, he will just accept your rejection and move on. There is no advice to give that will give you CONTROL. Starting an argument will not help. It will only cause the relationship to become ugly, possibly hostile. Sorry!

Answer 5

Personally, if I felt like a guy was not chasing me, and I was chasing him...I would stop. I mean, if he is that crazy about you, he will call you or see you to find out what's going on. Don't call him, don't visit him...nothing. If he calls you fine, but plan on being busy a few times if he plans something. It's time to let him know he's not the only one in this relationship! This will be a good test to see how much he really wants to be with you as well. Good luck!

Answer 6

Ask him for the truth about the relationship or if there even is a relationship. Does he love you? Treat him like you want to be treated. Don't ignore him, avoid him, or start a fight.
My guy and I read the book "The 5 Languages of Love". Maybe it will be of some help. Discover what it is that makes you, as well as him, feel loved. Good Luck.

Answer 7

A great way to get your ex back is https://tr.im/IdsI5

They might realize they need you and come crawling back!

If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again. Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time.

Answer 8

The first thing to do is to let all your emotions out. Surely, if you want to get your ex-girl or boyfriend back, he or she means a lot to you then you must love her/him, very much, so you are hurt badly. Well, shout let it all out! Do not be afraid to cry if I want to. Perhaps you want to have a smoke or a drink even if you never did before? Well, it won't do you any harm. Just don't fall into hard drinking, because that way you will never have a chance to get your ex back.

If you wish to visit to know more about..(Getting Back With Your Ex) you can do that here

https://tinyurl.im/lvuKy

Answer 9

This program definitely helped me through my breakup. About a year and a half ago my lover of four years and I broke up and I desperately wanted ex back, and because of some of the advice you had given, I was able to! Time went on and things were back to the way they were, and were not together anymore, and it’s okay. I wouldn’t have been able to go through the realization process had I not read these, as well. This program were very beneficial to me, though I don’t need them anymore, they were always appreciated. Thank so much - https://shortly.im/ph3mv

Answer 10

Hello, it's unfortunate that this is the case, but life is full of lessons and it looks like at the moment the universe has decided you need to learn a new lesson which is Teaching People How to Treat you.

Have you heard of that concept before; you teach people how to treat you? Every single person you encounter and in your life treats you exactly as YOU have allowed them to treat you, this here appears to be the problem.

He may very well be a lovely and caring person just as much in love with you, but simply he is treating you the way you have said is ok to, through your actions, choices and decisions.

It is time to stand up and let him know of things aren't ok, don't forget lack of communication is the number one factor in relationship breakdowns.

If you love him, don't play hard to get, don't start an argument, instead think about how you would want him to handle this concern with you if the shoe was on the other foot and you had total control of him and he was frustrated about it.

Would you want him to stop answers your calls, start a fight or ignore you? I think not.

You've requested adult advice so treat the situation with adult intelligence.

First during a quite time, not when you're arguing or the topic comes up, but on your own accord in person let him know, "Hey, I just wanted to talk to you about something that I'm not comfortable with."

Now keep in mind there's a good chance he may not even realize what he's been doing let alone that you're so aware of it and it bothers you so much, so stay calm and reasonable.

"You may not be aware, but I feel that you are the one primarily in control of this relationship, and lately it's been bothering me, and my concern was if I don't discuss it with you, I would begin to take it out on you and wreak what we have."

"I love you very much, but I would like to share the experience of this relationship rather than be a passenger. I'm a bit frustrated that we tend to only see each other when it suits you, how about instead we take turns for what times suit us best and begin to make this a little more equal."

"I hope you can appreciate my feelings and understand that this concern means something to me and I'd like to work together on finding a solution that works for both of us."

I hope this helps, of course it needs to be said in your own words and in person not on the phone, but don't ignore his calls, or avoid him, that's simply avoiding the concern, confront it head on, and speak the truth with grace and honesty with him.

He has feelings too, treat him as you'd want him to treat you in the same situation remember. You may even wish to read Cheryl Richardson's Stand Up for your Life, you may get a lot from it in helping to raise your confidence, love yourself more and not feel the need to hand your power over to anyone, be it your bf or a friend.

Be sensible, smart and confident.

Good Luck.