I dont love my husband anymore, its a nightmare with him, should i leave him???

Question

We fight a lot, we disrespect each other, we say nasty things to each other, his family hates me, they ignore me all the time, we hardly see each other cause he works a lot and when i do see him, we are just fighting.. SO i want to know if i should leave him.. ive been thinking about it but hearing other people's opinions would be comforting.. We do not have children yet. I am 21 and he's 25...

and by the way, we are only married through church, not thru the law or anything, so its almost like we are just living together.. but church to me is very important..

Answer 1

Why stay in a loveless marriage, where you both abuse each other??? You already know what to do. Just take the next step and do it.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Marriage is a huge obligation between two people. There was a reason in the beginning that the two of you decided to make that commitment. I think you should go back and think about that reason. The next thing is that the two of you are so so so young. It tends to be more difficult at such a young age because you are both foucused on what you want instead of looking at the otherpersons and finding a common ground together. It takes a long time to make a relationship work. I'd say that you both need to sit down and evaluate both sides. It's not about making this into a cat fight session. Allow eachother to talk with out interruption. If he makes a point you relly feel you need to justify, write it down, let him finish, and then say what you need to answer what he is saying. Say goes for him. It sounds as if this is just a communication proble. I'd start with that, try counsling, and mabe you both should go away together somewhere you two can bond away from it all (i.e. work, bills, stressful enviroment). If that doesn't work, seperate from eachother and see how you feel without the other for a couple months. If you feel that you are so relieved then take the next step and make it permanent. But just deciding to divorce is never the best answer. A relationship is always worth fighting for. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

This is one only you know the answer to. If you still love each other, but for one reason or another over time you have begun to pick at each other then there is reason to save the marriage.

If you wish to do that the first step is to sit down together and ask him when you're both calm, not already in an argument and say, "I still love you, the way you can make me feel and the good times we have had together, I feel we have become to disrespectful of one another and forgotten why we fell in love in the first place, if you feel the same way would you be interested in working this out?"

From that you should get an idea of his true position also.

Or if you don't love him any more, or he doesn't love you anymore then do both yourselves a favor and set 2 lives free in search of happier times.

Be thankful for the opportunity of meeting each other and the experiences you have shared but be hopefully and excited with what the future can bring.

Be confident in your choice and your actions, but don't stay with someone for the sake of it, it has to be for the right reasons, or it simply won't work, deep in your heart you know that tho.

Good Luck.

P.S. If you do both want to work it out, consider either going to a counselor together or Reading Dr Phil Relationship Rescue books and working on it together, as a team. If you go your separate ways, maybe read Dr Phil's, Love Smart.

Answer 4

Hi Claudia,
Flirting with failure?? Before you go, you need to do some soul searching. You will have a failure for all to see under your belt. Men look differently at divorced women. Something is very wrong.
Fighting is a symptom not the problem. Find out what the real problem is and how you would correct it. As you are the same person you were before the marriage, so is he. Why do the two of you not compromise?
A female friend caught her husband cheating. She let him come home and said that if things were going to change, she must change first. She was the only one that she could change. He was the only one that he could change. She is right!
What does your mother say? She is your best friend.

Answer 5

My husband has a temper, and tend to yell and call me names. I'm not nearly as bad as him, but I have my faults. Anyway, I started realizing that my feeling for him were starting to fade, I just couldn't forget all the awful things he has said to me. So, I packed up my things and the pets and moved in with Mommy for a few days. I left a note that said that I loved him and wanted nothing more than to make it work, but that he had to stop getting so angry all the time etc. I told him that when he was ready, to please call me. He called me and asked when I would be coming home, and apologized and agreed to really work on his temper. I came home and it's been 2 wks. and it's amazing how much he's trying to watch what he says before he says them etc.

This is the thing though, we actually love each other and want to make it work. There are family members of his that don't like me either...you know what? IT DOESN'T MATTER! This is about you guys. Go to counseling and try to make it work. Think about what is was like when you first started dating and try to remember why you married him in the first place. Your pretty young, there are going to be changes that you will have to endure, only you can figure out if your love is strong enough to make it work. Good luck.

Answer 6

It sounds like you didn't have your ducks in a row before you married. Did you talk to each other about how you saw your life together? Did you know if you had shared goals, religious beliefs and thoughts about children? Did you understand that brutal communication was important in your daily married life? Did you have any idea other than lust what your life together was supposed to be about? Sounds to me that none of these factors played a role in your discussion about marriage. Cut your losses since you have no children and figure out how to make the right choice the next time.

Answer 7

If you don't learn to work out issues like this, you are going to be 40 with at least 3 or 4 marriages under your belt. Seriously, just because you can't get along doesn't mean you quit. You guys are very young, and it's probably a new marriage. My husband and I probably didn't work out a lot of issues for at least 2 years into the marriage. Don't quit....tell him what's bothering you and try to work it out. If that fails, go see a pastor at a church (they do it for free) or go to a marriage counselor. Divorce should be a LAST resort, and I wouldn't even consider it unless physical abuse or cheating was involved.

Answer 8

you should do what you want not others do you want it to work. I have been maried 12 yrs still feels rocky at times but i love her more than life itself she dosent know this because she might just use me all time you dont want to be lonely either i know figure out the problem and resolve it with a compromise if y cant it wont work you must both be willing to lose something and gain somewhere else what is the real problem im sure he realy loves you he is also in a hard time in life he is older and life isnt going how he wanted it to like financially feels lost everyone goes through this you wont understand your to young he is seeing many of his dreams disapear its depressing help him out its called life married or not it will allways be something make things special for him he will respect you and love you more if y really want to leave sit down and talk to him about it in a nice way if you cant its not his problem its yours

Answer 9

If you were married before God, that is a promise made to Him. I would be more concerned about going back on my promise to God than the concern about it not being a legal marriage.Too many people have used divorce as an easy way to escape unfavorable conditions in a marriage.

Marriage takes work. There are no two ways about it. You should be able to get good counseling for this situation.

It sounds to me like you could still work htis thing out. Don't give up.

Answer 10

LEAVE!!! my marriage is the same, married for 5 years and we have a child. It is so much harder with a child. You are still so young end it now, find yourself and start over.

If you continue like this you will fall into depression, like me and it is so hard to get out of that hole. He is abusing you mentally and it takes it's toll, trust me on that one.

Make sure you get some counselling for yourself, it really helps. Take care and be strong and do what make only you happy!

Answer 11

I think u should talk 2 a marriage councilor first before just breaking up a marriage. U have 2 think u got married 4 a reason so try and save it before u do anything u might regret