Are doctors allowed to be so harsh? Did this ever happen to anyone else?

Question

I'm 15, and I went to the doctor recently. Although it was unrelated to the reason I came to see him (I have a sinus infection), he insisted on weighing me. After he saw how much I weighed (I won't go into details, but my BMI works out to 31), he pronounced me a "fat pig", and lectured me very harshly for the next six minutes. I know I need to lose weight, but was he out of line? Surely he could have been nicer? I was so embarrassed I wanted to die.
Is it okay for a doctor to say something like that? Has it ever happened to anyone else?

Thanks very much for your time.

Answer 1

It is absolutely not okay that he insisted on any procedure (from weighing you to giving you a shot, etc) that you did not want and/or that is unrelated to why you came to see him. It is also absolutely not okay that he humiliated you by calling you "fat pig" or any other degrading term. It is also not okay that he lectured you very harshly for even one minute, let alone 6.

It is in the oath that he took as a care provider that he "first do no harm". That is above all other duties as a doctor! Making you feel like you wanted to die from embarrassment and attacking your self-worth is definitely harm. If he is concerned about your weight and how it will affect you as his patient and as a person, he could have stated; "I am concerned about your weight and its harmful effects, and I am willing to lay out a program to help you with it." would have been an excellent way to convey his concern.

First, the suggestion to write this man a polite but honest letter about his actions and how it has affected you is absolutely genius. He may be a "House" fan (the TV show about a rude doctor) and think he can talk to you and other patients in this manner. Or, he may truly have had a bad day(no excuse really, but we all have them) and taken it out on you, and may be truly apologetic. At the same time, protect yourself from this ever happening again: Bring this up to your parent(s). Perhaps they will help you with the letter so that it stays polite and on target. Perhaps they will have their own conversation with him.

If you do not get the results from the letter, and if it is within your folks means to change doctors, insist on it. If it is not, then insist that you see one of the doctors partners, or even his PA (physician's assistant) or nurse from now on. They would not put up with this treatment and neither should you, and when they see how commited you are about taking action to prevent it, it will go a long way to demonstrate just how serious this is, and how serious you are.

Next, call the hospital that employs this person, request to speak to someone in Human Resources, and launch a formal complaint. When you call HR, you can request that your name be withheld from the report if your parent(s) cannot switch doctors so that you dont end up with worse treatment.

And finally, ask that hospital how to get in touch with the Medical Review Board and report his actions. It may even be listed in the phone book in the civic/government section. Again, you can request that your name be withheld for the same reason.

I am sorry he behaved so badly. I am willing to bet that if he treated you with so little respect, that he treats other patients with the same uncaring, unprofessional, and bullish manner and he shouldn't be allowed to continue treating you that way.

Answer 2

No, sweetheart, he is not "allowed" to behave that way. He's a professional but certainly didn't act like it. But, technically, he did nothing...illegal (which is what I think you might be asking). I am sure it has happened to many people because sometimes doctors (and other professionals) get the idea that they have a lot of education so they can treat people badly.

This is a good chance for you to practice being a grownup. First of all, tell someone you trust what happened so your next step will have impact. Because of the situation (your age and vulnerability and the fact that you need an appointment which costs money to see him) it would be perfectly okay for you to write a letter. Sit down and type up a letter. It might say something like this:

Dear Dr. XXXX:

On (date and time) I came to see you about symptoms of a sinus infection. During the exam, you made some very rude and hurtful remarks about my weight. I realize there may be some concerns about my weight. But calling me a "fat pig" and lecturing me so harshly for X minutes (don't exxagerate!) was inappropriate and did not help. I have told (name and relationship of person) and he/she agrees that your conduct was out of line. I request an apology for your behavior toward me and a promise that it will not happen again. Be assured that if it does, I will make a complaint to (your state's medical licensing bureau) and I (and your family if appropriate) will find another doctor.

Sincerely, (sign your name)

If you have previously received good care, you might mention that in your letter, too, so it is apparent that you are writing about a specific complaint and aren't just whining in general. But if this is a PATTERN of bad behavior, you need to say that, too.

Be respectful and polite, even though he wasn't. That just goes to prove you are more mature than he is. And then hang on to your dignity and be prepared to follow through. That's what a REAL grownup does. Good luck!

Answer 3

Alex, your doctor was WAY OUT OF LINE to treat you so badly. I would suggest that you contact the state medical board and file a complaint, and then you need to change doctors-this A**hole is NOT the only game in town, I am sure. What he did was unacceptable and wrong, and it is also very counterproductive to you. Yelling at someone because they are overweight is NOT helpful in getting them to change their situation- I know, because I am dealing with the same type of nonsense in my own family. There are people I am related to who think I AM OVERWEIGHT, and they love to speak harshly to me and yell at me for it, and also to act as if I am too stupid to know about it. My response is just to ignore them, and to do the things I know I must do. This doctor's behavior will not improve your situation at all, and you need to take your business elsewhere and find a new physician, preferably one who will treat you with more compassion.

There's another point to this as well- anyone who resorts to something as unprofessional as name calling with a patient or client is someone who probably doesn't need to be in the profession, and I don't give a SH*T how qualified he might otherwise be. That kind of juvenile, immature behavior is ALWAYS wrong, and it is a major turn off to most people. You didn't go to this doctor's office to get a lecture about your weight- you were already not feeling well from the infection, and I am sure that this did nothing to improve your mood. Weighing you once was acceptable- he needed to know your weight in order to make sure that you got the correct dose of antibiotics for the infection. The dosage for many if not most medications is calculated based on how much a person weighs, as well as on other factors, such as age, gender, and the presence or abscence of other illnesses or conditions. But for him to put you through what he did was not. I don't blame you for your embarrassment, though had it been me, I would have been FURIOUS with him and would probably have given him a piece of my mind.

This doctor needs to learn that there is nothing to be gained by antagonizing people- and if he continues to do this with other patients, eventually he will lose his practice and his liscense, and rightly so. That's what should happen.

Good luck, and I hope you can find a different, more humane doctor.

Answer 4

i once had a doctor tell me very bluntly: you're fat go on a diet. Well, i was 13 years old and yes, i was a chunk, but by the time i was 16 i'd grown almost 8 inches and lost 25 pounds... the doctors harsh words didnt change me, nature did. however, later on a doctor, in a much nicer way, talked to me about my family's history of heart attacks and bad cholesterol and suggested i watch what i eat because of that. Now i do, and im happy, healthy, and in shape. Find your own reason to lose weight (if you even want to) and try not to let the doctors words get to you too much.

Answer 5

That is abusive. I'm an adult and have never had a doctor try that with me. If one did, I'd be reporting the behavior and finding another doctor.

He was out of line and for more than one reason. He should never speak that way to anyone but probably did because you are a kid. If you have to return to this person, take a parent or other adult with some moxie along with you and see what happens. Chances are he won't dare do that with the adult present.

If you were my child I'd be paying the doctor a visit and having a friendly but pointed chat.

Answer 6

Okay kid. Listen up. My fiance is a medical student. Not just that but he was a PhD before he started studying for his M.D.

My point?

It's that they CAN be like that, yeah. My guy can and he does. Plus they are so f'ing sleep deprived and are under so much pressure to learn learn learn learn...it's like they NEVER get a break. He's a real hardass and it's hard to live with. Imagine being the "wife, Girlfriend, fiance of someone like you met today.

HOWEVER, this does NOT justify what he said. It was out of line. Way out of line. Never is harsh jargon such as "fat pig" acceptable. They are supposed to stick to medical jargon at all times. I'm sorry this happened to you. I truly truly am. Please talk to someone and vent on them, but sweetie I'm sorry to say that you're just going to have to let this one roll. Unless you think it's bad enough to confront this man, I mean.

If you do talk to him, he might actually feel badly about his behavior. You never know. I know by default that doctors these days are HIGHLY pressured to learn and talk about nutrition. This country is being pressured to not be obese anymore. Past presidents are getting into action over it. It's a big deal. I know firsthand that doctors (especially younger ones) hate fat people. Although they would never admit it.

Answer 7

I feel so badly you've been put through that. Sadly arrogant
self-centered doctors like that are the root of many misdiagnoses. While a healthy BMI is good to work for, you don't get there by bullying. Be proud of what you are and work hard at the healthy reality you want to get to. Look for ones who support that, especially a good Dr. they are out there. If your current Dr. is that "dark ages" in his thinking,
he is probably going to make other errors in judgment. You should not have to feel the stabs of a zero percent bedside manner. Take care and I'm rooting for you!!!

Soulmate Sad

Answer 8

Your doctor was way out of line. What he did was unprofessional. It would have been okay to discuss your weight in a nonconfrontational way AND make some suggestions for positive change. Unfortunately, having MD after your name doesn't give you people skills. Sounds like this guy should get on a waiting list for a personality transplant!

Answer 9

I think he was out of line to call you a "fat pig". That is totally unprofessional.

He could have used a nicer approach than to lecture you. There's no polite way really of telling someone they are overweight, but he could have been more helpful instead of lecturing.

Answer 10

Of course he was out of line. His job is to give you answers not make you feel like crap. Tell your parents right away so they can confront this person or file a complaint with his superiors. Now assuming what he told you was correct he could have been more understanding and have some respect for your feelings