advise on an out of control 16 year old daughter.?

Question

My daughter is 16 1/2 and does what she pleases. She has been staying with her grandmother lately because I can't handle her anymore. she stays out as late as she wants, goes to school when she wants, sometimes gets brought home by the police. Has been picked up for smoking pot. She has been drinking and brags about it. When she does decide to come home she will start an argument with me over nothing and the screaming begins. She won't stop screaming and yelling until I give her what she wants, which I don't. It happened again tonight. I started to call the police to have her removed from the house and then she left. This also would not be the first time. She is verbally abusive to anyone that doesn't give her what she wants, including family and teachers. She has no respect for anyone or even herself. Her last two boyfriends have been 22 and even got pregnant once and didn't even care. Social services even got involved and never did anything about the boyfriends. Help!!!

Answer 1

This girl need a wake up call. You just need to tell her to cop on and she has babies to care for, this girl obviously has no respect for others and needs to be arrested!

Answer 2

First, I reccomend that you get her female friends (if they are trustworthy) to have an "intervention." Have them ambush her and talk to her about how she is destroying her life. They should not mention college, the future, etc. as your daughter probably doesn't care about those things now. Have them warn her that if she continues acting this way: she will end up poor and unable to have her material wants fufilled, men will think that she's cheap and unattractive, and she will end up in prison, where she will probably be beaten and exploited. These are the things that will scare her. Her friends confronting her will make her take things more seriously.
If this doesn't work, you could try putting her in a "Scared-Straight" program where they take kids into a prison for the day and show them what life's like on the inside. This could...scare her straight.
You should also talk to a school district truant officer about getting her back into school on a regular basis. And if she has any more creepy older boyfriends, have a male relative or close friend confront the pervert and make him back off.
Good luck!

Answer 3

When she is gone, clean out her room of all electronics, all her favorite clothes, shut off her cell phone, turn off her internet, etc and put her stuff in storage so she can't get it back. Tell her she has to earn it back. All you are required to give her is a roof over her head, food, clothes, and love. You're not required to give her the extras. She apparently doesn't think she needs you or she respect you more and be more appreciative. Don't accept anything but the most sincerest appologies and sincerest respect. If she doesn't give you EXACTLY what you want, don't give her anything. If you settle for less, you'll be setting the bar low. It will be hard but not any harder than it is now. It will put YOU in control, not her. She thinks you are out of options. Show her who is boss. Don't get into a screaming match with her. Stay calm. After you tell her the rules, tell her you don't have anything else to discuss. Arguing will give her some satisfaction. Don't give it too her. You are the parent. BE THE PARENT.

Answer 4

First and formost I'd advise Family Therapy. At times for out of control children reinforcers such as TV's, cars, cell phones, etc...., need to be removed and earned contingent upon appropriate behaviors. Take a look at "Token Economy Programs" on the internet. This is a very sucessful system to get out of control kids undercontrol. However, you need to be the parent!!! Let's be honest, kids do not have a choice when it comes to decideing if they should go to school or not. There is no choice. Also,be open to what you are doing to making the situation happen. Finally, as a last resort residential treatment.

Answer 5

When i was16 i was the SAME way, frankly i was an @$$hole. I didnt care about anyone but myself and anyone that got in my way i hated including my mom and dad...Unfortunatly there was nothing anyone can do. It took me time and the right person to meet before i finally grew up. Iwas smoking pot, drinking, doing other drugs risking my life evry night, it took me time to realize it but the reason was because my mom pushed so much i wanted to poush back harder. It was becasue i was depressed, either an issue at home, or school, boys or just wanting to be cool and accepted, becasue i was never "cool" or "accepted" until i did that and at the time it felt good to have "friends". UNfortunately she has to come around on her own and it will either just take time or something life changing to happen.Shes not going to listen to anyone,you just have to let her go through it...or just send her to a bad girls school....

Nothing anyone told me ever made into my head, it took me time to just get it out of my system.

Answer 6

Find out why she keeps doing the stuff she does.
If you just punish her for the things she does that won't help. You need to find why she wants to do these things and why she starts fights with you and thats where you need to start fixing.

You need to work with her on fixing these issues, not against her.

Remember, no matter how old or young a person is, no matter who they are, they will change when they want. You can't force someone to change their ways, you can make them do something like serve a punishment ex: jail but it doesn't change who they are. Only they can change that.

Good Luck.

If you need anymore advice, feel free to email me. Ill even talk to her for you if you want.

Im 18 and I wasn't like her growing up but I knew people in school who were like that and im pretty good at talking sense into people.

Answer 7

i know you prolly wont listen but i am 17 and have some advise see teenagers don't listen to reason so what you have to do i show her what she is doing that is so wrong pretend you are doing the same stuff she is and make yourself look horrible! after all she is still your daughter and she loves you!no matter what if she see you in pain mabe she will snap out of it.tell her you love her and try to talk with her most likely she is having some sort of problem with friends or guys.she may just need you to let her know that drugs and drinking are not what will help her through what ever she is going through!if it doesnt work although i am a strong beliver in working it out between family, mabe you should try boot camp if she is as bad as you say.

good luck i truly hope it works out for you guys and mabe it will bring you closer

remember she loves you!

Answer 8

ok, i know a girl who this was basically her life story almost down to the small details. If you're serious about getting her help, you need to send her to a residential treatment center. you may not want to hear this, but as long as she is at home, she will do whatever she wants no matter what you do. if you lock the doors, she'll climb out the windows.

it's good though that you realize she needs help. the girl i knew, her parents didn't figure it out until it was almost too late. i think it actually took a suicide attempt for them to get the message.

Answer 9

It is time for tough love. Send her to the juvenile detention center the next time she does something wrong. There are consequences for her actions and she needs to realize that. Stop bailing her out and stop sending her to grandmas where she gets to do as she pleases. When she is truant from school, let them pick her up and keep her. She is not going to learn any other way or she would have already.

Answer 10

all i can say to u is to be tough and show your guts in this time because your grl need a shock a drama a plan that will make her aware, that will be caused by her interests like boys you should make frienships with her friends an ddecieve her by knowing her point of weackness it is always guys u com with aplan
after showing her all your care ,make her relize that your life doesnt stir around her but u got a life and bring a person whom she trust to help u /

Answer 11

i know it's hard but act like you don't give a crap what she does, one day she'll come to realize she needs you and she might get into something way to deep to get herself out of, i'm a teen too and i know by you trying to control her she just wants to rebel even more. definitely trying to get her some type of therapy might help her realize the motive behind all of her behavior. it's normal for teens to want to stay out late, drink, and do drugs but with your daughter it's out of control she needs help.