My wife has no sexual interest in me ( Women only)?

Question

My wife is 22 and I am 26 and we have only had sex once in the last 4 months. I dont fault her for that because she is dealing with a personal health issue that wont allow her. We have had up and downs in our relationship but we still have decided to continue at it. But she wont show me no kind of affection whatsoever. She will hug me very brief and partially upon request. I have not kiss her in her mouth for months and we dont cuddle at night in the bed. We never wake one another up with warm kisses or hugs and I be really wanting to. I am a very attractive person and I could easily seek the things that she lack out of another woman behind her back. But thats not the type of husband that I want to be. I am almost starting to think that she want me to seek these things from another woman. You would think that a woman living in this realm would at least say" Hey, I really appreciate your patience" or something. Instead she'll get upset. What woman expect to keep a man loyal like that.

Answer 1

Perhaps she is being as kind as she knows how to be.
Maybe she's offering a lack of affection because she knows how hard it is for you to go without sex, and is trying to keep the stimulation to a minimum? Maybe she thinks she's being kind to not start something that you and she knows isn't possible at the moment? Maybe she feels that a little affection would be like a spark to dry tinder - instant fire, and no way to put it out? Do you tell her often, how horny you are?
Maybe she feels like she's failing you, and doesn't deserve affection? If she's ill, it can lead to depression, and a feeling of lack of worth.
You know she would see you having sex with someone else as wrong, and won't get approval for it from most women. That's thinking with the wrong head. If you love her, stand by her side faithfully. Would you want her seeking out another man if your manhood failed to satisfy? I doubt it.

Answer 2

Maybe she is subconsciously trying to get you to go outside the marriage for your physical needs at this time. It is fairly evident that at this point in your wife's life she doesn't have the same desire for sex as you do. Her lack of desire might not be as personal as you are making it, although it sure must feel as though you are being personally rejected.

Assuming the problem is mostly on your wife's end and not on yours, i.e., if you are physically or verbally abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted, a chronic gambler, etc., my answer to your question is simply another question: "Can you blame her?" However, if none of the above descriptions applies to you, then here is my advice:

Maybe your wife is just not feeling well, as you have implied in your question. She could have all sorts of things going on - anything from depression to a thyroid problem, to female reproductive organ troubles - that are contributing to her lack of desire for sex. In other words, her lack of interest in sex might be due to physical or emotional issues and not because she finds you undesirable. Does that make sense?

Lastly - and only you can answer this - I wonder if your wife was always this way. Apparently she was at least moderately affectionate towards you at one time since you did marry her.

You did not say whether or not you had any children. Children can place a real damper on a couple's sex life. I guess you didn't need to be told that.

Stay strong. Perhaps your wife needs to see a doctor to determine the source of her problems and a treatment plan. It is just as likely that the two of you need to go see a marital therapist together. Good luck; I hope you and your wife can find a way to work things out between you.

Answer 3

Ok yes she is going through something right now however there are so many other ways to satisfy you in such a crisis. If she is feeling good that day she could at least give you some kind of satisfaction maybe with her hand or other ways. You are asking for kissing and hugging but us women know better lol. You would want more then that and nothing wrong with that. If she wants to keep you around she should try her best to do so.

Answer 4

It has been the same thing for me and my husband. He's 23 and I am 21 (married 3 years). I have a bladder condition that causes pain during sex. I am also not a very lovey-dovey person in general. We go months at a time with out sex.

Maybe you should try reading "The 5 Languages of Love". This has really helped us. My husband wasnt getting the attention he needed (in bed and all that ) because I wasnt getting the love I needed through acts of love such as cleaning the house, giving me massages and such.

Maybe you need to spice things up a bit with a nice vacation or something. Marriages tend to get more normal and boring after a few years and things need to become new and fresh again. Let her know that you love her. Also try marriage counceling.

Good luck to you

Answer 5

Awww... sorry to hear that. I expect if she has health problems she doesn't want to give you signals that say 'go ahead'. I remember after our first baby I was a bit like this. I was scared because I thought it would be painful and sore, so I kept things to a minimum so as not to tease or create desire. Talk to her about it. Thats what we did and I found out that it was just as scary for him too (not wanting to hurt me).. Maybe you should really sit and discuss it . Don't get resentful. Explain and even if you can't have full indulged sex there are other ways to share intimacy and show your feelings for one another. Good luck.

Answer 6

You say you don't fault her because she is dealing with health issues that won't allow her to have sex, but than you turn around and say if you wanted to you could go find it some where else?? What happended to thru sickness and health??? Talk to her about your feelings, let her know your feeling unappreciated.. If she is having health issues she could might not be paying attention that you need her... Let her know, you need her... Good Luck and I hope your wife get better

Answer 7

Why did you say "Women only?" in your question? Do you suspect something? Take it from someone who has been married a long time. The biggest problem in any relationship is a lack of communication. If two people who are married can't talk to each other, who can? If you must have an arbitrator, get one for gosh sakes...this is your life!

Answer 8

well i dont know about talking to her. she probably knows how you feel but you say she has a personal health issue. maybe shes feeling down or not so good about herself lately due to it. i know you're tryin to be understanding and all, but patience. women need men that are understanding. if you want hugs and kisses, go get them from her. dont wait on her to make the intital move. go get them. if you want her to hug you, hug her. she needs you to be understanding that shes dealing with this big issue right now and its probably effecting her self esteem. maybe shes feeling a little insecure with low self esteem or just maybe stressed out. i say good for you tho being that you're not the kind of husband to go seek these things from other women. i'd say if you want these things, get them from her.. you want to kiss her,.. do it.. dont wait on her. if you want to be affectionate with her... make the inital move. please see that this must be hard on her with what shes dealing with if shes this way to you. About saying "hey i really appreciate your patience" .. some people are so overwhelmed or caught up in their problems, it never occurs to them to say that. so dont take for granted that she doesnt appreciate it... maybe she does.

Answer 9

Don't know what the health issue is - but if she finds sex painful / uncomfortable then she will find any excuse not to be near you.

best thing to do is talk to her, tell her how you feel and ask her what you can do for her?

does she feel she is not intimate with you?
what level is she comfortable with?
is there anything that would make her feel relaxed?

then tell her about only wanting to kiss without taking things further etc...

until you can get to a place where you feel intimate again.

good luck and i wish you both the best.

Answer 10

Men are easy to figure out. They require 2 basic things in life, food and sex. If there is no food in the fridge, then you go out to eat. No sex at home, then you find it outside the house. As soon as women figure this out, I think men would cheat less.

Sorry to hear about your situation.